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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable.

36 replies

6demandingchildren · 31/07/2020 19:26

Me and the DH decided to close our business at the beginning of lockdown we have moved into another area but I'm bringing in the majority of the money, I have also done all the schooling as we /I have gone educated or children for a few years now.
I do the lions share of the housework and I don't mind.
But this is the second time he has done this during lockdown.
He is a vegetarian I'm not any more, tonight I cooked him a veggie steak and I cooked a gammon for me, I lined the baking tray with foil and added a barrier and then made seperate tray with a baking sheet, so neither would touch and no juice transfer from one to the other and I even overlapped the baking sheet over the veggie steak to stop any splashes.
DH refused to eat his dinner because he peeped into the oven.
I'm wrong aren't I? I'm just Pissed off that he let me carry on cooking and making a salad when he knew he wasn't going to eat it, then he did the thing that bloody annoys me he washed up his plate but leaves the cutlery for me.
Oh and my 14 year olds voice is breaking so he is singing opera morning noon and night.

OP posts:
JuniperFather · 31/07/2020 19:29

Look there's a lot of stuff in here that's not connected - it's a hot day, lockdown has been long, some people like to compound their complaints.

However I think your DH is being passive aggressive and quietly starting arguments here by being horribly difficult with you.

Can you confront him? What's his real issue? Why does he have to make you feel uncomfortable like this when you're making an effort?

Notgoingonholiday · 31/07/2020 19:32

You know YANBU. You do everything, and don't mind? How on earth are you ok with that? I think that is more of a question than the dinner issue, which is clearly unreasonable on his part.

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 31/07/2020 19:33

I really think it's me as I have started new medication, but the last time he took a photo of in the oven and sent it to his friend, she told me and said she couldn't see the problem, but as I used to be vegitarian I wouldn't let someone eat something I wouldn't be happy with, maybe I want as fussy.

OP posts:
neatknottedfinger · 31/07/2020 19:35

If he doesn't like the way you prepare his meal then he can do it himself.

pussycatinboots · 31/07/2020 19:36

He can cook his own meals from now on. Sod him!

brastrapbroken · 31/07/2020 19:36

This is nothing to do with tonight's tea. You prefaced what happened with lots of non relevant stuff. You did that because that's the real issue.

Tbh If I was cooking for a veggie I would cook on a different tray, but just place a barrier, but whatever, that's how you do things. He can eat it or not. He chose not. Fine. Next time he makes his own.

You still have all the issues before the minor tea thing though...

brastrapbroken · 31/07/2020 19:36

*NOT just place a barrier Blush

JuniperFather · 31/07/2020 19:37

If he's a genuine vegetarian he would take the time to explain why it bothers him.

It sounds more like a ruse to start an issue/make you feel bad.

Graphista · 31/07/2020 19:40

Veggie over 30 years and even I think he's being a precious twat!

If he doesn't like how you do it he can bloody well cook for himself!

I've been a flatmate, wife and mother of omnivores so naturally needed to share cookers etc it's completely impractical to expect everything to be completely separate at all times it's simply not possible in the real world

I've spent many years cooking for myself and the omnivores in my household and what you did sounds fine to me

As a sort of aside it's also completely unreasonable that he's so damn lazy! He needs to pull his weight!

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 31/07/2020 19:40

He is not argumentative he even have me a nice look when he couldn't eat his dinner and he didn't say a word. It's me who has the bloody arse.
He is in his usually good mood.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2020 19:40

Tell him you're not running a restaurant and he can cook his own veggie "steak" from now on.

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 31/07/2020 19:42

He is not lazy at all as he does other stuff, but within the house I do the most and I don't mind what I do mind is wasting by bloody time.

OP posts:
Wattagoose90 · 31/07/2020 19:42

Dickhead move. Sounds like he's trying to wind you up and cause an argument.

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 31/07/2020 19:43

He is getting salads ever day now up until we go on holiday. I think I might have PMT as I just feel really angry

OP posts:
Shamoo · 31/07/2020 19:44

He sounds like a total dick

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/07/2020 19:47

Don’t blame Your hormones for his dick head behaviour.

SomeWateryTart · 31/07/2020 19:52

I don't understand what his issue is tbh...but then I'm not veggie. I definitely get if food is contaminated with meat juices or something, but the double barrier sounds like it wouldn't be? Did he just look in the oven and just the sight of the meat cooking next to his food made him go off it?

What does he do if you go to friends' houses for bbqs?

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 31/07/2020 19:52

He wasn't being a dick, he just didn't eat his dinner and I know it's because of how I cooked it.
He didn't say it act any differently than he would if he was eating his favourite dinner.
It's just Pissed me off.

OP posts:
Original poster
6demandingchildren · 31/07/2020 19:55

He has no issues with meat as he occasionally cooks for me and he does all the BBQs.
If we went to a friend's for dinner we would probably have a take away.

OP posts:
SomeWateryTart · 31/07/2020 19:56

I mean...I know you're saying he isn't being g a dick,but it is a bit of a dick move toilet someone cook for you and then not eat a single bite. The fact he did so with a smile on his face is even more dickish if anything imo.

SomeWateryTart · 31/07/2020 19:57

Ugh typos, sorry^^

Chocoholic12 · 31/07/2020 19:57

YANBU he sounds like a dick. He can cook his own dinner.

Gomezzz · 31/07/2020 20:01

I dont understand his issue with the food if they were separated on the tray.

Nanny0gg · 31/07/2020 20:05

@6demandingchildren

He wasn't being a dick, he just didn't eat his dinner and I know it's because of how I cooked it. He didn't say it act any differently than he would if he was eating his favourite dinner. It's just Pissed me off.
But that's the point!

You cooked his dinner ( which he presumably wanted) and just because it shared oven space with yours he wouldn't eat it.

He was being a dick. And from now on he should be getting his own dinner.

abstractprojection · 31/07/2020 20:07

I’m sensing a lot of self blame here OP like PMT and new meds. And I’m also sensing an imbalance between you both work, money, homeschooling, chores, cooking etc.

If you need to know if you are feeling these things because you are rightly pissed off at these imbalances or because of hormones, I think the best thing to do is write it all down or tell it to someone you knows and loves you both (not how you feel, but what’s been done or not done) and see what it looks like after you’ve done that