My mother has meant an awful lot to me and still does. Her courage in dealing with a difficult situation and still managing to give us a happy childhood has been such an inspiration in life.
Yes, I do wish she had been able to speak more openly and without guilt about her condition. I wish she had felt safe to access treatment. But that was her generation: drugs were less safe, she lived in a small community where gossip was rife, she was a teacher so couldn't afford it, and mental health issues were far more stigmatised in her generation.
But she didn't wreck our lives. She was an inspiration to her and we love her.
I do feel privileged in living in a different generation and having been able to bring up my daughter (who has inherited her condition) in a time when you can talk about these things. She has access to all the help my mother should have had. But she is also benefiting from what my mother has taught us, directly and indirectly. Not least that it is possible to have MH issues and still be loved and cherished and a force for good in other people's lives.
And note that my daughter and I did not "catch" our MH condition: we know it is co-morbid with a physical condition which is certainly genetic and which passes down my side of the family. We would not have non-inherited it if our mothers had walked out of our lives. What we would have missed out on is all the understanding, all the knowledge, all the coping techniques we are also passing on.
I could not keep my daughter safe from her genes: that was never in my gift. But I can be there to support and guide her and let her know what has worked for me. That is in my gift.