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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being ott? Partner giving people lifts to work.

23 replies

Beebee1115 · 31/07/2020 08:52

Basically myself and partner have a family car and he has a works car. I am not working right now (two with special needs makes it’s hard).

Generally partner takes his works car to work but sometime he’ll take the family car. Mainly if I don’t need it or if his car is playing up. During lockdown I never used it so he wanted to drive it, also if It needs fuel he’ll take it as he lives right next to a petrol station and it saves me taking dc to do it.

Anyhow, sometimes (not every day) he gives people lifts to work in his car but I have told him not to do it in our family car. Mainly because it gets it messy but now because of covid. Means I have to clean it and feel I have to disinfect it (I have ocd and health anxiety).

Anyway, yesterday he took my car to work.he came home and I had to take my grandma somewhere (she’s just lost her husband). I’ve been fully social distancing to keep her safe. He never told me give people lifts until after I was back home. I had only spend the afternoon cleaning it the day before now I have to go out and clean the inside (didn’t have time yesterday!)

Aibu to be annoyed at this? I’ve told him to say no to lifts if he’s in my car. It’s not like routinely gives people lifts to and from work, most of them could walk or get a lift from someone else or get a bus or taxi or just bleddy walk. He literally picks people up down the road from his work so they don’t have to walk.

Oh’s job is fairly low risk of covid but some of the colleagues he’s been given to work have partners who work in hospitals and some haven’t been following social distancing.

So now I’ve had a major panic attack that I’m gonna give my granny covid because she got into my car... after someone else sat in her seat the same morning.

All of this could have been avoided if he didn’t give lifts in my car 🤬🤬

Am I being ott?? How would you feel?

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 31/07/2020 08:56

You are being a bit OTT about the cleaning, yes. Just wipe down the hard surfaces with handles etc with soapy water.

He should be abiding by the car sharing guidance though. And he can do the bloody cleaning!

Jeremyironsnothing · 31/07/2020 08:58

He's putting you all at unnecessary risk yes.
He shouldn't be doing it, but if he does then the least he can bloody do is stick to one car to save you the effort of cleaning anything.

contrmary · 31/07/2020 08:59

YANBU. He shouldn't give lifts in your car if you've not agreed to it, and currently the govt advice is not to car share anyway because it's mixing different households at close range.

TitianaTitsling · 31/07/2020 08:59

Is it 'your' car or the family car? Has your granny been totally socially distancing and not seen anyone else, been in anyone's house/had anyone over?

Sheenais · 31/07/2020 09:03

I can’t see why he would use your personal car and not the company car anyway. But there is no risk him giving lifts and then a day later you using the car.

Beebee1115 · 31/07/2020 09:13

It was the same day. He give someone a lift yesterday morning. I used it yesterday afternoon without knowing.

Sometimes he’ll take the family car just because.. he works next to a petrol station and it means I don’t have to stop with dc. Also his car is on the way out. (Needs to buy another cheap run around).

Works car isn’t a company car. It’s just his old works car..

I am probably over cautious but I’d rather be over cautious than not cautious at all..

OP posts:
ScrapThatThen · 31/07/2020 09:13

He shouldn't be giving lifts. Yanbu on this one. And cleaning touch points is sensible.

Beebee1115 · 31/07/2020 09:14

My grandma hasn’t Been shielding fully. She’s been shopping, out and about etc but with social distancing so I guess there’s a risk from everything!

OP posts:
Sk1nnyB1tch · 31/07/2020 09:19

You are not being unreasonable but all you can do is stop him taking the family car. He is obviously not on the same page with you re lifts.
I'd be asking him if the lovely feeling he gets from being a hero and giving lifts to colleagues walking will be worth it if you, your granny or your kids end up really sick?
Also to the pp above, risk management is not all or nothing. You don't decide to take your seatbelt off if your in the car with an erratic driver!
If her granny has been seeing people in the garden or going to the shops with a mask on that doesn't mean she should stop worrying about any other ways she could be infected!

Letseatgrandma · 31/07/2020 09:21

He shouldn’t be giving lifts and he shouldn’t be taking the family car when he has a swoons. Yanbu

makingmammaries · 31/07/2020 09:22

Don’t let him take your car. Sorted.

Letseatgrandma · 31/07/2020 09:22

auto correct there..

When he has his own, that should say!

SepticTankYank · 31/07/2020 09:25

You say he lives next to the petrol station? Does he not live with you? Is he on your insurance fully comp? I wouldn't want someone driving my car third party only unless they could pay for the car if they crashed it and were at fault!

He had a work car. He has no reason to use yours. Is he paying for the additional fuel and mileage he is putting on it?

Letseatgrandma · 31/07/2020 09:28

also if It needs fuel he’ll take it as he lives right next to a petrol station and it saves me taking dc to do it

I missed this-if you don’t even live together, that is very inconsiderate that he takes your car.

ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2020 09:31

Do they wear masks when car sharing and does the passenger sit in the back?

MidnightCitrus · 31/07/2020 09:47

@Letseatgrandma

also if It needs fuel he’ll take it as he lives right next to a petrol station and it saves me taking dc to do it

I missed this-if you don’t even live together, that is very inconsiderate that he takes your car.

erm, i read this as he was doing OP a favour by taking the car and filling it up for her? (i could be wrong)
RB68 · 31/07/2020 09:56

Just stop him taking your car for now. The kids should be in car seats or seatbelts so for the 5 mins to get petrol its not a biggie - try and find a garage where you can pay at the pump its much faster and you can stay with the kids in the car

Letseatgrandma · 31/07/2020 09:59

@midnightcitrus

Oh right-I just thought it was odd to say ‘he’ lived next to a petrol station if you lived together. Wouldn’t you say ‘we live next to a petrol station’?

felixowl · 31/07/2020 10:10

At the risk of being a 'splainer:
Who is legal owner of the two cars?
Who insures them? What is the family car used for?
It can be important because you must inform the insurance company if the car is used for commuting even if not for business purposes. Recently police confiscated a car because a woman was driving to work in her own car, insurance company not registered commuting. Woman charged with driving with no insurance. A serious and expensive offence.*
Then check up on legality of regular lifts!!
If you are not confident about the above, enjoy the 2 hours of reading the fine print.
Hope this helps someone.

  • Must be true, it was on Yahoo news!
Motoko · 31/07/2020 11:10

He works next to a petrol station, not lives. It was a typo, as OP later said he works next to one.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/07/2020 11:54

I wouldn’t like it either. It’s another risk area.

However if your children will be in school in September then the risk of a car share for a short distance is far tinier than a class packed full of people all day.

WorraLiberty · 31/07/2020 11:59

If he knows you suffer from OCD, health anxiety and are prone to full blown panic attacks, he shouldn't be offering people lifts in your car and you most definitely shouldn't be allowing it.

Beebee1115 · 31/07/2020 12:08

It was a typo. Works next to a petrol station. We live in the middle of nowhere with nothing around 🤣

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