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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable with Husband ? TTC and Clomid

22 replies

PurpleRain22 · 30/07/2020 23:03

Hi guys,

Can I just start by saying , my husband is a nice man but can be very scatter brained at times. We have been TTC for over 3 years and the doctor confirmed I'm not ovulating by myself (PCOS) so started me on Clomid and iv just completed my first cycle and going for my day 21 bloods tomorrow. Doctor told husband he needs a sperm test just so they can rule everything out. The gynaecologist was happy to prescribe clomid to me on the basis that my husband has the sperm test done by my day 21 bloods. Long story short, he forgot to arrange it and now my doctor will not prescribe next months round of clomid to me until he has his sperm checked.

I am absolutely furious with him and had a proper go at him this evening but now feel bad. He knows how important this it to me and I reminded him several times, he even got annoyed that I reminded him so much so I stopped because he said he could take care of things himself. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with him?

OP posts:

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 30/07/2020 23:08

Nope, YANBU- what an idiot. He had one thing to do 😔

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 30/07/2020 23:10

Hi Op,

No I don’t think you’re being unreasonable

Ttc is really tricky and full of big feelings and hormones. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and he needs to pull his weight, you’re going to be doing much more of the tricky stuff over the next couple of months as it is.
However I would counter that with the suggestion that you both need to be on the same side as Ttc is hard enough on your relationship without added arguments 😬

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 30/07/2020 23:11

Posted too soon

wishing you luck for the next couple of months

kittenpeak · 30/07/2020 23:12

I would be absolutely furious. Something similar happened to me. Husband forgot to arrange to give a sample and then lockdown happened and they paused everything completely.

YANBU to feel frustrated, deflated, angry, upset whatever you want

nightroadworkskeepingmeup · 30/07/2020 23:13

No not at all. If there was something going on with his sperm then you've taken clomid for reason, had bloods for no reason. Clomid made me feel shite so I'd be annoyed. They also won't prescribe it for more than 6 months from memory.

AdditionalCharacter · 30/07/2020 23:17

You've every right to be annoyed.

Giving a sperm sample is a walk in the park compared to what you're putting your body through. I've done clomid, three rounds twice to conceive, it drives your hormones haywire.

Hope fully he can pull his head out his arse and get it sorted ASAP. good luck with TTC.

arapunzel · 30/07/2020 23:24

I’ve been in a similar situation.
TTC took 2.5 years & 3 rounds of clomid.

My DH hated doing the sperm test (had to do it 3 times). Our hospital said it had to be done in the hospital.

Could your DH be worried about it? I know it’s not really an excuse when your going through TTC hell. Hope you get good news.

Noshowlomo · 30/07/2020 23:27

I’d feel the same as you and I was a right miserable bitch after taking clomid anyway. Your husband should have prioritised his sperm test.

Original poster

PurpleRain22 · 31/07/2020 11:12

Kittenpeak, wow your situation is so much worse! I cant imagine what it must have been like for you with everything being closed during lockdown, I'd say you were fit to dig his grave for him . I hope everything is back on track for you and wishing you loads of baby dust

OP posts:

FiveShelties · 31/07/2020 11:13

Does he want children?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/07/2020 11:16

Is he really on board with it all? If he’s had to ask you stop reminding him and hasn’t booked maybe he’s not. Your OP says how important this is to you rather than us.

Original poster

PurpleRain22 · 31/07/2020 11:18

Guys, thanks for all the replies and well wishes. I'm glad most people dont think I'm being unreasonable . Feeling alot calmer this morning thank God but husband is walking around looking sheepish He knows he messed up

OP posts:

CrimeCantCrackItself · 31/07/2020 11:21

I'd be furious too. I'm glad the doctor is being proactive with you though. That's makes a difference. Your DH is horrendously unfair.

Just anecdotally, myo-inositol has made a huge difference for me. I actually ovulated (after many months of not) after using it regularly.

Fingers crossed for you 🍀🤞

Original poster

PurpleRain22 · 31/07/2020 11:23

Yes he does want children, I would not be bothering to take Clomid if he wasnt on board. In fact he was the one who suggested I go back to my Gp so I could have the Clomid prescribed to me again. @IceCreamAndCandyfloss My OP is from my own point of view and my own feelings. I am talking from my point of view as I am the one who has had all the Blood tests done, ultrasounds, laparoscopic surgery etc and he had one thing to do.... one thing.

OP posts:

StoneColdBitch · 31/07/2020 11:25

Agree with PP - does your husband actually want a child?

Although it shouldn't be up to you to remind him, I think in my marriage this wouldn't have happened because we talk about our day regularly, share schedules on Google Calendar etc. If the test wasn't booked I would have noticed and asked DH. If he is on board with TTC and is just a bit scatty, can you find ways to help counteract his forgetfulness so it doesn't cause other problems in future? Sharing calendars online is really helpful for us.

Carabu1 · 31/07/2020 11:27

Yeah I’d be furious in your shoes too. I am now pregnant after 3 rounds of clomid (same issue as you by the sound of it) and it made be quite crazy.....! Equally, my husband found doing the sperm samples in hospital hard, so maybe make sure he isn’t just nervous/struggling to perform and scared of telling you! It’s worth waiting though, because as pp said they will only give you 6 months so you don’t want to ‘waste’ too many cycles is there’s an issue his end. Good luck! In my experience if non-ov I’d your only issues then clomid is a wonder drug.

MsEllany · 31/07/2020 11:27

I’m not surprised you’re upset. I also think (based on a sample size of my own husband ) that him not doing it doesn’t mean he’s not on board - it means he’s lazy and always thinking that he’ll do it ‘soon’ - and then of course forgets because why on earth would he write it down?!

Good luck with TTC.

Batfinklestein · 31/07/2020 11:28

I would be furious OP.
He should feel bad, not you.

icedaisy · 31/07/2020 11:32

He could be worried.

One of my clearest memories from the dark IVF days was a woman screaming at her husband in the waiting room.

He was in builders gear, clearly come straight from work. He had done the test and knocked it over. She went absolutely mental. I've never seen a stranger look so broken, he was absolutely mortified.

Stressful times for you both, I think I would be kind on this occasion.

Jenny70 · 31/07/2020 11:34

Definitely YANBU. You are putting your body through a hormone roller coaster, taking Clomid isn't easy and comes with several health risks. It's not something doctors prescribe without a second thought.

He may be scatty but he should have taken steps to remind himself. And there is undoubtedly a reluctance there, and quite likely an embarrassment, but compared to you, it's really not a big ask.

Rant away and expect better from him. Sheepish looks wouldn't cut it, I'd want that sample booked in /done ASAP

Ilovechinese · 31/07/2020 15:15

Maybe he doesn't really want a baby. If you wanted something bad surely you wouldn't just forget about it?

Purpleartichoke · 31/07/2020 15:39

I would be very upset. You are the person who is taking drugs with all sorts of potential side-effects. You are the one facing invasive and painful exams. All he has to do is something that he probably does frequently, albeit with some less appealing circumstances this one time.

Testing the man is always the first step because it’s cheap and easy and all the other investigations and treatments are pointless without that info.

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