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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the parents should be consulted before giving a child a live animal gift?

54 replies

BellaeCandelae · 01/10/2007 14:04

My sister has bought ds a fully-equipped aquarium, with a voucher for fish, for his birthday. I can't believe she's unaware of how I feel about fish. Even typing this makes me feel uncomfortable. It's more than dislike, it's phobic.

I've explained to the dcs that we won't be buying fish for the aquarium, but will look into whether it's suitable for terrapins or frogs.

But I'm furious at my sister, and can't believe that my parents let her get away with it either!

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 01/10/2007 14:07

HOw old is your sister? Is she a kid? You're on the spot with your DCs now, aren't you? Bloody hell.

YANBU. I'd be really cross if somebody bought us a pet without consulting me and DH first.

Flamesparrow · 01/10/2007 14:13

Pets as gifts are wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!

flowerybeanbag · 01/10/2007 14:16

That's a lovely generous gift, however yes a bit thoughtless to buy something like that without checking with you first.

I think being furious at her might be a bit over the top though, it sounds as though she was trying to do something nice and didn't really think about it properly.

SKerryMum · 01/10/2007 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InMyHumbleOpinion · 01/10/2007 14:18

STICK INSECTS ARE COOL. aND REPLACABLE[WINK]

Original poster
BellaeCandelae · 01/10/2007 14:18

My sister is in her 30s, with a chip the size of Manchester on her shoulder.

OP posts:
goingfor3 · 01/10/2007 14:20

She should have checked before buying a pet. At 30 what does her gift choice have to do with your parents?

hanaflower · 01/10/2007 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chloesmumtoo · 01/10/2007 14:23

oh my god. Yeah I would have to be asked first. Not good lol. I would not want the hassel with it.

ComeOVeneer · 01/10/2007 14:26

YANBU but as others have said "what is it to do with your parents"?

Millarkie · 01/10/2007 14:34

We have a giant african snail in our aquarium (rather than aquatic creatures) - v low maintenance - would recommend one (but not two because they breed like snails).
Happy Birthday for your ds!

Original poster
BellaeCandelae · 01/10/2007 14:37

She almost always tells my parents what she's planning to get or has already got for my dcs. My parents know the difficulties I have with fish.

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 01/10/2007 14:39

But surely as your sister she should have been aware too? Perhaps on this occasion she didn't mention it to your parents? They may be totally innocent here.

Original poster
BellaeCandelae · 01/10/2007 14:39

Hmmm. Nope, sorry. To me giant snail=giant slug with shell, not cute Brian from Magic Roundabout.

It would have to be something I could cope with handling if needed, hence terrapins or frogs.

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaeCandelae · 01/10/2007 14:42

Of course she's aware. I've been like this since she was seven.

But, yes, my parents could well have been completely unaware.

OP posts:
StarryStarryNight · 01/10/2007 14:45

Why not a turtle?

Millarkie · 01/10/2007 15:20
Spidermama · 01/10/2007 15:22

Well meant but misjudged surely.

mimi03 · 01/10/2007 15:49

i would be sooooo mad. the thing is you are now gonna look the bad guy, if only there was some way to make ur sister take the wrap? id have it out with her plain and simple, pets as un forseen presents are totally off limits.

Millarkie · 01/10/2007 17:37

OMG - I hope you've got a sense of humour - when i open this page I get an advert for........FISH FINGERS! running along the side.

PMSL.

(ahem..in a supportive manner of course)

Could you tell the children that the fish tank and inhabitants can live with Auntie X? And they can visit (with dh) on high days and holidays (whilst you are having a bit of me-time)?

pointydog · 01/10/2007 17:38

I'd be fizzing. Would not like fish at all. They'd all die miserably.

peskipixie · 01/10/2007 17:41

i would either sell it or give it back and tell her to get a refund. even if it meant telling the kids she got a refund and here is the money when she didnt really and its your money. surely they would prefer a trip to the toy shop than a fish?

NAB3 · 01/10/2007 17:49

Give it back. Seems a very mean thing to do.

duchesse · 01/10/2007 17:56

Maybe geckos?

Your sister sounds as though she's done the equivalent of giving a toy drum or set of cymblals- a present more designed to upset the parents than please the child...

Original poster
BellaeCandelae · 01/10/2007 18:00

Oh I'd love to insist that it lives at her place! Oh wouldn't that be super! Let her have the joy of maintaining it! But I don't think I could face the confrontation. At least this way I can be the injured one, the good girl - if I were to return the blasted thing then it would all be turned around, and somehow it would be me that had been inconsiderate and badly behaved. Crazy family dynamic - like I said, she has a chip on her shoulder, and I can never do anything right as far as she's concerned.

Ds unwrapped the present, there and then with her encouragement and in my absence, and she bigged it up with him and dd. So there was never any way I could be discrete about avoiding it. Fortunately they're not making much of a fuss about seeing if a different animal would live happily in the aquarium, especially as I've said that once ds is old enough to take complete responisibiltiy for an animal he can have some small F.I.S.H. in it.

OP posts: