I'm writing this in tears. I have spoken to my gp about how I feel. He's given me two options to consider but he wasn't keen on medicating me yet, but the list for councilling is really long. So there's no support available right now unless I pay. But we have less money right now.
It's crept up on me slowly. I've written on here around four months ago about this issue. I was feeling really strange a year ago. Sort of feeling wobbly and drained and in flight or fight mode. It was presumed to be anxiety. But a blood test revealed I had no iron reserves. I was started on iron. Then my child started school and the long walks cured me of the worry around doing the school run around my anemia. I felt better. February I was worse than ever after a bad period. I went back on the iron pills but just as I was going to start doing the school runs we were locked down.
I was also given a mini pill to try from a locum doctor. All other drs had told me I couldn't try this due to the bleeding risk. But he said I could. I bled for 5 weeks and came off it. I had to be firm and insist i wanted my usual female Dr. She was great on the phone. She also told me the locum had forgotten to tell me I was vitamin D deficient so I've been taking a high dose since June.
My head has been abit of a mess since march. I've had night time anxiety. My period symptoms have been worse. I'm also suffering around ovulation for 2-3 days. I've been trying so hard to find my feet again but I can't settle. I'm an anxious mess.
I've been going for walks and we've done two afternoons out at a family place. I loved the first outing. But the second was the furthest we've been and I have been left traumatised by it (ridiculous I know) my body has been in fight or flight mode now for 48 hours. I have a headache. I feel queasy. I feel weak. I don't particularly feel up to seeing anyone. I'm putting this ridiculous pressure on myself that I've got to arrange things and proove to everyone I'm ok. I do try but 50% the time I feel like this.
A few weeks ago I went to visit my dad with my kids. He met us halfway and he suggested we walked the long way. It was boiling and the walk with the pushchair was making me feel really uncomfortable. I was barely able to stay at his house an hour and half because I couldn't get out of panic mode. Yet the following week we went on a cooler day and stayed for dinner and it was fine.
I've had three panic attacks over lockdown. Last night I had one. I woke up at 11.40 because my two year old woke up. I went really hot and then cold. I knew exactly what was coming so I asked my partner for paracetamol and rescue remedy. I managed it quite well and only shook and had wobbly breathing for five minutes. I managed to focus on breathing. Then I went back to sleep. I've woken up this morning and my head's thumping. I feel like I've got a hangover.
I feel like I'm ruining our family week. My partner is off work. Yet I'm going to need a morning in bed to get rid of this horrible headache.
I keep thinking of my daughter being back at school in September. It's a long walk and I am terrified. I've spoken to a friend about it, but I actually felt worse for it. they suffer too but when I mentioned my stomach churns with it and asked if they felt the same, they responded with you need help as you are going around in circles with it and you have for a long time now. But she knew that I was unwell with other issues and anxiety wasn't the issue in feb. The way she said it made me feel she didn't understand even though she's had it long term. So I think that has added to me feeling even worse this week.
Has anyone got any advice. My head's a mess and this is the first time I've felt like this in my life. I'm genuinely frightened for the future but I'm not depressed. I'm just mega anxious.