Frozen sperm

[Breee]

So, my DH of 3 years got a letter today reagrding his previous sperm freeze 8 years ago. At the time he froze he had 2 kids and then had a 3rd child. We have been togther 6 years. Around 2 years ago we had an abortion. Children aren't part of our plan currently but it's now really bothering me that he froze sperm with his ex but isn't committed enough to us to have an accidental child in a loving relationship.

Yabu- move on
Yanbu- I would feel hurt too

I'm so confused. Why did he freeze his sperm?

He thought he was going to die. He had not previously mentioned this, just that he didnt feel right.

I’m a bit confused as to why he froze his sperm also.

Re the abortion, presumably you decided that together and you were hopefully at peace with the decision.

I guess it depends why he froze sperm. Was he undergoing chemo or something?

Sounds like children are part of your plan but not his and that you didn’t want the abortion. I think you need to talk about this or it will eat away at you.

Maybe his ex asked him to do it?

I think it’s a bit odd that it has never been mentioned and that would probably irk and hurt me a little bit I don’t think it has any bearing on you both as a couple and your readiness or desire to have a family tbh

Were his kids conceived with the frozen sperm? Or did he have them the old fashioned way?

You say as a couple you are not of a mind to have children at the moment, and had a termination a couple of years ago. I'm just a bit puzzled as to why you think the fact he had sperm frozen 8 years ago is in anyway relevant to this?

He might have taken the decision 8 years ago when he was in a different frame of mind regarding children. It's possible he also did it as a preventative measure against injury or illness, should he want to still father children afterwards. Either way, I'm really not seeing the relevance regarding the situation you are in now, or your decision to terminate a few years back.

I think the frozen sperm is a bit of a red herring here. He's obviously still fertile.
You have had an abortion because he didn't want a child - did you want it?

Was the abortion a result of accidental pregnancy? If your plan has changed then I think you need to discuss it. Frozen sperm 8 years ago before you were even a blip on his radar, an abortion 2 years ago, no kids with current plan... if he thought he was going to die at the time how does have a real impact on your feelings now, compared to the abortion? Why would you want to risk an accidental child neither of you appear to want just because he made a decision so long ago that was nothing to do with you? If you want a child, discuss that. If you want an accidental pregnancy due to jealousy that you might go on to abort given that it's not in the plan then give your head a wobble.

So he froze it because he thought he was going to die, that presumably means it was for his ex-wife to have another child with after he was gone, ultimately not effecting him in anyway as he'd be dead. Whereas, you getting pregnant as his current partner is a totally different situation. I think you're being unreasonable, especially since you said "Children aren't part of our plan currently".

Seems pretty strange. If I had three children and thought my husband might be dying, no way would I want him to freeze his sperm so I could have a fourth child after being widowed.

I am not sure what you meant by "we had an abortion". It was obviously your body but did your husband pressurise you to have it?

The frozen sperm from eight years ago before you met him is totally irrelevant.

he froze his sperm because he thought he was going to die...?

who did he think would want it..?

he froze his sperm because he thought he was going to die...?

who did he think would want it..?

Presumably his ex, who after being widowed and left to bring up three small children alone, would want to have a fourth baby...because that's all you need right?!

It's not like the sperm is reserved for his ex. I don't really understand what your point is.

At absolute worst he's wasting some money on the sperm storage. There's no judgment of you (or ex) or anything of any moral significance going on here.

To try cover everything: we decided togther on the abortion but it was obviously a massive decision for both of us. Yea he had two (young) kids with his exp and thought he was going to die. I just feel that if he was as keen on kids as he see acts he would have wanted the child I aborted

When was the third child born? Is it the same mum who had the first two?

So, were he and his previous partner planning 3 kids? They had 2, he got sick, froze sperm in case he couldn't have a 3rd, then he got better and the 3rd came along naturally? You just found out about the sperm today, but he's had the 3 kids all along, and you all aren't planning on kids. I don't know what difference the sperm makes.

So he freezes his sperm many years before he met you! Years go by, he changes, life changes. He has three kids now??? He meets you but didn't want another kid one year into the relationship or, possibly, ever.

I'm not getting the issue, sorry?

Surely if you decided together, it’s a good thing that you both thought that a termination was the best thing to do.
Or did you want him to persuade you to continue the pregnancy?