11 year old and her phone

[Shinygreenelephant]

I'm absolutely furious and I want some opinions on whether I'm over reacting as I'm pregnant and hormonal, and my husband doesn't seem overly concerned.

My 11yo had her friend to stay over last night. She has a 3hr limit on her phone over the day and it switches off from 9pm to 7am, but I extended this to midnight last night as her friend doesn't have a limit and I knew they would want to use them.

Woke up this morning to a security alert from 3am that she has changed MY apple password in order to take all the limits off her phone. That means she could have spent a fortune on my card, accessed inappropriate content etc. She didn't, she just sat on youtube for an hour, but that's not the point.

I'm furious. I've taken her phone and said she can earn it back in a week by showing me she can be mature - extra chores, no whining for it, good attitude. When she gets it back her screen time will be reduced to 1hr which she can slowly build back up. Is that fair or am I overreacting? They're all obsessed with their phones so I know it's going to seem like the end of the world.

Honestly, I don't think you're over reacting, but I'm a phone loather, I think they've very few benefit and a whole heap of negatives tbh. So for me it's be a nice excuse to confiscate it til she's 15

You are not over reacting.
How did she know your Apple password though?

I don't think you're over reacting at all. When I let my 11yo have a phone it was on the clear understanding that if he did anything he shouldn't it would be taken away and he would have a basic 'brick' phone for secondary school. He has a limit of 1 hr a day which he can ask for extensions on for specific things, which if it's for a call with a friend or something like that I allow but not for 'inane' stuff like games or YouTube.

Absolutely stick to your guns on this one, she needs to learn that what she did was very wrong.

Seems very measured response.
They are highly addictive.

I'm sorry but 11 year old should not be using YouTube unsupervised (there is an age limit of 13+ for a reason), never mind the issue with the password change. She has proven that she is too young / immature for this level of responsibility. There's no way she'd be getting her phone back in a week's time if she was my daughter!

DD is 10 and doesn't have a phone yet. Any guests coming for sleepovers are asked not to bring a phone as I don't want to be responsible for what they're watching in my house.

Thanks for replies. Calmed down now but sticking to my guns. I've got content blockers on there which I've tested and seem to work well, and I can monitor everything she looks at so never worried before, shes usually really sensible as well. My issue is that she could have taken the content blockers / parental controls off once she was into my account - she didn't but it shouldn't have been possible. She managed to reset the password because there was an option to send the reset code to her iPhone rather than my email, very safe from apple there . To be honest I'm as annoyed with myself as I am her now, I thought I had it really secure, and more importantly I thought I'd taught her better than that. Will take a lot of work for her to earn it back now.

In terms of not letting guests have their phones- I get it but I personally wouldn't let my daughter sleep over anywhere without her phone, I just wouldn't feel comfortable, so I cant very well do it to other kids.

Apple are exceptionally secure with their blocking features for minors - I suspect you have set her device up as a second device on your own account rather than setting it up as a child's device and then using family sharing to share certain apps / iTunes etc.
If you don't understand how this works have a read here or pop into the Apple store - they're very helpful:

www.apple.com/family-sharing/

And about children having phones on sleepovers, I'm sorry but I still don't get why an 11 year old would need one (especially when they can behave as yours did when unsupervised 🤷‍♀️). Either she is nervous about being away from home overnight, in which case maybe she's not ready for a sleepover yet, or you're not very familiar with who she's staying with and want her to be able to contact you if there's an issue (in which case why would you let her go?).
Take the phones away at an agreed time overnight and if little Mary is wanting to text / call mum because she's upset in the night then she can come and ask you for it?