To be really struggling

[Theoandelsie]

Sorry I've written another post today. Having a really horrible day. I have never experienced worry and anxiety like I am at the moment. Before lockdown I enjoyed days out. We went to zoos, farms, beaches, garden centers etc. We went in cafes. We spent the best part of the day there. More so with our eldest. But our youngest is only two so this is our first summer where he's a full on toddler that can get more involved now.

We've been on holiday every year since 2016 to a beautiful UK location. We spend all that time busy on days out and at the beach.

This is why I'm really struggling to understand what's wrong with me now. I can't seem to function anymore. I am not frightened about Coronavirus. But lockdown has made me loose my confidence. We've walked alot but not as much as before.

today we had tickets to an animal type place with our children. I was so nervous booking in advance. Yesterday I was a bag off nerves. I couldn't sleep properly. Its 55 miles away so took the best part of 90 minutes to get there. This morning I woke up and felt the urge to panic and say I can't go. But my partner told me id have a great day. So I went. I thought he would be right. I absolutely love the place we went to today so I thought I'd relax when we got there. But as soon as we got out the car I just felt weak (from worrying) and couldn't get into it at all. I slapped on a brave face. Confessed to my partner I wasn't happy being out and felt anxious an hour later whilst we ate. Then we did another hour of walking around before I said I wanted to leave. The kids were shattered. So we all seemed ready for off (we missed loads of animals though)

On the way back to the car I felt so drained and sickly. Then we drove back home.

I just don't know what to do to help myself. It's freaking me out as I've always loved these sort of days out. It's like I'm phobic and anxious and just want to stay close to home.

The trigger point was probably February/march. I got quite poorly with low iron. I was on the sofa for three weeks then lockdown happened. It's like my head's convinced I'll feel rubbish if I go out.

Has anyone experienced this before? Or is anyone going through the same.

I've posted here for traffic.

Please be kind feeling abit vunerable and down.

i think we have all got used to staying in our safe place it all feels a bit scary
lots of people are feeling this way at the moment
its horrible

I've experienced something similar. My recommendation is online/phone counseling. Google 'Skype therapy' and see if there's anyone you'd feel comfortable contacting.

What you're describing sounds like my anxiety when it was at it's worst. I had so many triggers I couldn't even begin to list them all but what you've written sounds word for word like something I could have written. I once had a panic attack when our plane landed at the start of our honeymoon. I'd had all the sleepless nights in advance, feeling sick and trapped I fainted in the kitchen/galley area and had to be taken in a wheelchair through the airport 🙈 The next couple of days were miserable, I was wiped out, sickly, couldn't beat or relax. It always took a few days for me to physically recover from a big panic attack and if it's triggered by a planned event then I also would get the fun of all the symptoms in the run up to the event.

Please seek counseling and/or speak to a GP if you feel medication may be useful. I'm pleased to say my anxiety is mostly in check now, but it did take work.

Good luck! But you can fix this! 😄

Absolutely horrible. I don't understand myself at all anymore. Just feel like I won't get back to who I was. I know it's tiring taking young children out. But today was not them. It was 100% me. They are happy but I feel I've ruined our day.

@Curiosity101

Great advice thank you. This is such a new way of thinking for me. I have had mild worries occasionally in the past. Buy it'd definitely messed my head up. I never get anytime child free at the moment to do counciling on the phone. But I'm unsure whether to ask the GP? I sometimes feel they just bung pills to mask a problem if that makes sense? Perhaps I should contact them though. I need to break the thought pattern but I cant seem too 😔

I'm feeling very similar OP. I am in no way worried about coronavirus. But I feel so anxious. I have this weird combination of agoraphobia and claustrophobia. I'm working from home and have to lock myself away in the bedroom to make sure I have peace to work, the kids don't interrupt me etc. I feel really paranoid about being away from my laptop when I'm working for fear of colleagues thinking I'm skiving. So I feel like I'm trapped.

But going out feels like such an effort. Nothing is straightforward and it's stressful navigating all the various social distancing rules in place with kids. So many things just require so much thought that it does get exhausting being out. I'm also feeling pretty self conscious about myself right now, I feel like a right slob since lockdown started.

I'm going back on medication. I have some other personal circumstances causing problems as well. I need it to cope.

Is there any way you can make time for a counselling session? It's only 1 hour a week, could DH not help make it happen?

In my experience (I've self referred to a GP a couple of times). They will tell you to self refer to the local MH services in your area. Unfortunately a lot of the NHS services are swamped so you're unlikely to be seen and the turnaround time is slow. Obviously it varies by area but it's something to consider.

They also potentially will offer you medication but this also varies from doctor to doctor.

I would definitely urge you to go private, a good counselor is likely to be from £20-40 per hour and you can probably get a session in the next day or two. They will initially do an assessment and then advise on what they feel will be the best treatment plan (which could potentially be to go to the GP for medication, but I doubt that will be their first plan).

But obviously that's only any good if you can carve out the hour to do it.

@Fatted
Sorry to hear you are struggling too. I'm terrified of taking anti depressants because my partner had awful side effects with them. I have read that diazapam etc is not a good idea long term

I just feel there's no safe option that will allow me to be alert and care for my children.

I just feel so defeated..... It sounds like you feel the same. We've gotten into this new strange way of life and we don't know what to do next 😔

I also need a haircut and feel scruffy because of that.

I also have started to question today whether I should have pushed myself to a location so far away. You are absolutely right. Trying to keep kids hands clean and wear masks and social distance at a farm isn't easy. I have seen other people embracing it all. Some of my friends have had long days out and have relaxed with drinks and food. I was sipping water too keep myself calm.

@Curiosity101

Yes he could definitely help me with an hour's space.

Genuine question would a therapist or a councilor be my best bet? As I figured the councilling services can't advise you but just listen? I feel like I need someone to tell me what to do and to change my thought pattern.

What do you recommend personally?

A counselor/therapist is absolutely your best option in my eyes and is the one I'd personally recommend. I'd also recommend finding one privately as you are unlikely to rank highly enough to be seen by an NHS service.

A good therapist will help you work to understand your issues and work through them. You will also (normally) be given homework after each session with something to work on. Each week they'll work with you to move you more and more towards where you want to go. It's a lot of effort to have counselling and work on issues, it's not just a case of you talking at them for an hour and then giving them money for listening, unless that's what you need of course. Chances are CBT will be the thing for you so it will all be dealt with by a therapist, but that's just my guess.

Either way, they're trained medical professionals and your first session will always be an assessment. At the end of the assessment they will advise you on what they feel (medically) is the best treatment. Not all therapies are suitable for all issues, and sometimes medication, or a mixture of the two is the right decision.

When I saw your post yesterday I felt sorry for your kids as I thought there was no chance of you all getting to the zoo. So bloody well done for pushing through and getting there even if your day wasn't as good as you wanted it to be. It sounds like it was a massive step for you.

Did you get the iron problem resolved because having had severely low iron levels in the past myself I know it can make you feel absolutely crap in so many ways.

@Curiosity101
Thank you. You have been so helpful. I am going to look into this. Money's abit tight but it might be essential to get it sorted.

@LindainLockdown

Thank you. I hoped my thoughts would settle and I would just have a lovely time. Unfortunately they didn't. I cut corners but I guess I've got to be kind to myself about that. They still saw animals. Had a picnic and an ice cream. So hopefully they felt happy.

My iron had improved and was in normal range. They put me on high dose vitamin D in June. I'm six weeks in. I still take a low dose iron liquid daily. So I hope my levels are still ok.