To think family are being CF?

[Rosebel]

Now I admit I'm exhausted and hormonal after giving birth 6 weeks ago so i.I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not. It's my daughter's 14th birthday next week. She asked to have her grandparents round so we decided to do a buffet type thing in the garden and grandparents can bring their own food if concerned about sharing.
That was fine. Two days ago my husband was chatting to his sister and mentioned the buffet and she said oh we'll come over at lunch time then. He didn't tell me until this morning. Then when talking to my parents they said my SIL had said to them she would probably come over on my daughter's birthday. She hasn't asked if even mentioned this to me. Unfortunately my niece overheard and asked my daughter if she and her mum (my sister) could come. My daughter of course said yes.
Now I'm not even sure we're allowed that many people over, even outside, but more to the point I think both my SILs have been CF. Surely you don't invite yourself to lunch or just turn up at a birthday without checking with the parents first? I now feel like I have to spend the next few days cleaning and will probably spend the whole birthday cleaning the toilet as no doubt the,children at least will need to use it.
I know it's not my birthday and we haven't seen much of our families but is,it alright for them to just invite themselves.. Especially considering they all know our baby has been in and out of hospital (nothing serious but even so)and most also remember how exhausting a baby is.
Are they being CF or am I too tired to think reasonably!

Tell your DH to deal with it. Including cooking.

Stay upstairs in bed with newborn and leave husband to deal with it all. Or if you dont want more people coming, just tell them its the grandparents only. I wouldnt say they are being CF as they arent mind readers, it is her brother after all.
But its no good being a martyr then fuming inside. If you dont want them there say so.
Or if you do, but cant handle the hosting, then put your feet up and dont do a thing and dont feel a shred of guilt about it.

On the face of it CF although do you have all the info?
Two days ago my husband was chatting to his sister and mentioned the buffet and she said oh we'll come over at lunch time then.
Mentioned in what way? Is it possible she thought it was an invite? Why didn't he immediately say, sorry we're keeping it to DGPs only?
Presume based on your OP you've got your household, and your parents and your DH's parents in the planned invite list, and now self-invited you've got DH's sister (+ family?) and your DS + family coming (that right?) So 5 households. That is not allowed I'm afraid, it's max 2 (so in fact your original plan, if that was both sets of GPs, isn't allowed either)

Think you've got 2 options:

1. Get DH to point out to his sister, and you point out to yours, that as much as you'd love to have them there, it's against the rules and you don't want to put anyone at risk bla bla let's try & all meet up later in the summer etc

1. Suck it up but take back control in some form re. making timing v clear ("the party will finish at this time"), people pitch in with food, etc.

If you'll spend all day pissed off I think I'd bite the bullet and go with option 1 "gosh I've just realised" etc.

I find it extremely hard when extended families don't seem to think of themselves as guests who are invited to your home too and DP is always pretty unclear "how long are they staying for then?" "I don't know" I'd bloody love to listen in to the phone calls that result in these situations sometimes!

The above assumes you're in England of course...

Why did your husband mention the birthday to his sister when she wasn't invited? What a plonker!

She probably thought the ‘mention’ was an invitation, and then your husband didn’t correct her. I don’t think it’s cheeky. I’d put this down to you feeling a little sensitive and overwhelmed with a new baby, but not blame your SIL. You just need your husband to sort out the cleaning and the food for you.

Congratulations on your new baby.

well, you don't need to spend the time cleaning, because they won't be coming inside

yes, they were a bit cheeky but your husband and daughter need to learn not to talk about events to someone who isn't invited! "We're having a family garden buffet for your niece's birthday" probably sounds a lot like "come over for a buffet!"

Tell your husband to clean the toilet on the day and put a spray bottle and some extra loo roll next to it.

Either send him and daughter (as a birthday treat!) to the shop to buy easy-prep delicious food, or leave him with the baby while you meander gently round choosing delicious food.

I don’t think they are CF unless they are only coming for the free food. It sounds more like a miscommunication and they miss you all.

Agree with others that you don’t have to do loads of cleaning or take this on yourself.

It's your DH's mess to sort out.
He needs to tell his sisters that DD asked for her grandparents to come over, so that's what you're doing. Covid rules mean you can't have a larger group over anyway.

Current Covid guidelines from the .gov site:

It remains the case that you should not:

• socialise indoors in groups of more than two households (anyone in your support bubble counts as one household) – this includes when dining out or going to the pub

-socialise outdoors in a group of more than six people from different households; gatherings larger than six should only take place if everyone is from exclusively from two households or support bubbles

Just use this as —an excuse— very important reason why this cannot happen.

Yeah, I would get DH to cook up the buffet.

YANBU
Thats really cheeky to invite themselves round I wouldn’t be happy either. Maybe DH can arrange a different day for his side of the family to come over? He can use Covid as an excuse and say you can’t have that many people over at once.

Yabu they are family. Get youre dh to fo the buffet. No doubt coming to give youre dniece a present. Might do youre dd good seeing family. Sounds as if you're dh invited her.

They have been CF but that means you can do it right back. SIL I hear you're planning to join us for daughters birthday, I've put you down to bring some sausage rolls / sandwiches - thanks! See you on sunday!

They’re coming round to see their Niece on her birthday, they probably just think they’re doing a nice thing. Leave it to your DH and chill out.

"Sorry there seems to have been a misunderstanding, but as we're only allowed to mix with one other household, and need to be particularly careful with the newborn, unfortunately we're only able to invite PIL to DD's birthday lunch. I'm sure you understand and we'll get you over soon"

It's next week. You've got time to text along lines of "as you know it's DD's birthday and it's great you all want to see her. GP's were asked first and are coming at lunchtime & bringing their own food. I am in such a new baby bubble I don't even know what the current rules are on how many we're allowed etc (never mind doing any housework in anticipation lol) so if you wouldn't mind sorting between yourselves who's coming when DH will make sure kettles on & birthday cake is ready to serve. See you all then (just not all at once)"