To ask about the etiquette for school age birthday parties?

[LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE]

Bearing in mind that CV 19 may make this a non issue...

DS (4.5) is off to school in Sept and has 5th birthday in Oct. Reception and Yr 1 share a classroom and depending on ability, can be quite mixed for lessons, so potential for friends in both years. So if I can do a birthday party in October, will a whole class party (which could be up tp 30 children) be expected? Or would it be reasonable to stick with X amount of friends?

If it's a whole class party it will be village hall/party games/cake and jelly sort of thing.

I wouldn't put myself through the worry of it this year. It's expensive and hard work and you have to worry who will actually turn up at the best of times, never mind now.

Based on what's happened for my children, either is fine and neither is expected. My daughter is 5 at a similar time but I'm anticipating not having many people this year so intending to just have 5 or so friends from her bubble over to our house to have a traditional children's party.

You can do either

Some mums think class parties make their kids popular, or they are particularly social or and like to mix themselves.

Others do a few kids so it’s not over whelming.

Personally we did small parties when little and invited more as they got older.

In YR and Y1 my DS’ school have always invited the class - they’ve generally been things like a disco with a DJ in the village hall, a lot of soft play parties (we did this) and a couple of magicians. His class isn’t shared/mixed though which makes it easier.

I can't imagine anyone is expecting all class parties at the minuteap even though the kids are in one bubble, at that age it's normal for parents to stay so social distancing wouldn't be easy, especially indoors. I would just invite one or two close friends for a small party in the garden or pay entry for a local attraction like a zoo?

I’ve never done a whole class party. I’ve always just asked who my DC want to invite and always had about 15 kids. It’s too expensive otherwise.

I know they’re not open right now but we’ve always done soft play parties as I don’t have to do anything apart from provide a cake, and they clear up! Stress free.

It's tricky. Because on the day you hand out the invitations x y and z are his best mates. By the date of the party it's A B and C and C is really upset that they weren't invited when they thought they were best friends.
Also make sure you invite less than half the class. To limit people thinking they are being picked out and excluded.

Whole class parties are fine, although more of a ‘thing’ in some areas than others. Smaller groups, for eg the cinema or bowling, are also fine. The only faux pas is inviting 20+ out of a class of 30 (or if you’re having a single sex group inviting say 12 out of 15 boys) as it can look like you’re deliberately leaving someone out. In the current climate I’d definitely lean towards the small group option.

My y6 aged dc have had a few party invites however they are for a maximum of 6 including parents of birthday child and no other parents were able to stay. Outside only and only dc from their school bubble.
So I think in October you can't gaurentee the weather. Young dc may not want to stay without parents and many parents may be very wary. I'd skip this year and plan for next year.

Covid it not I wouldn't bother. These large parties are horrible. Noisy, screechy, running around like headless chickens. Someone will end up crying. There will be a fight over who won pass the parcel. Someone will end up having a strop. Most of the food will go to waste. You end up with far to many presents for your child to appreciate.
Don't do it.

No obligation for a whole-class party, particularly that early in the year, and especially with covid around. Often, at that age, parents stay, and it's not clear yet whether a gathering of that size will be permitted anyway. Save it for next year, once she's got to know people. By that time, you'll also have an idea of how most people do things in your area, and you'll probably have been to a few and found out some dos/don'ts.

We did whole class in reception and Y1, however, we joined up with DS friend whose birthday is on the same day (and he is in the same class).

Preschool year, we did feed the animals and craft plus food at a local farm. Kids loved it but it was chilly as it was Nov. Last two have been soft play.

Others in the class have done whole class and some just a small group.

DS is going into Y2 this year and with the current situation, my plan, if possible is to have 2 or 3 close friends round for a birthday tea/play. Or maybe take 2/3 to the local pizza place for tea (again, virus permitting).

I’m found the norm at our school was all class parties for YR, Yr1 then smaller scale year 2/3

Saying that we’ve had pretty much all class parties up to year 3 as he had discos which catered for larger numbers he’s been told last year was his last big party though

we did whole class parties for reception and Y1 but not at home and with some sort of entertainment. It's a nice thing to do and because parents tend to stay at that age it was a good opportunity to get to know the other parents better as well as the kids themselves. The past few years its been 3 or 4 good friends with cinema and take out and sleepover instead.

I always invite the whole class as my son likes them all. Never once had the entire class show up though.

My only rule is the "half plus one" so whoever you invite, make sure you haven't left out a small number. So, 30 in a class, don't invite more than 15 (plus your own) - but if there are 16 boys in the class, don't have your 15 invitations go to 12 boys and leave out only 4 of them.

Personally I've done hall parties (often with someone else but not always) as I don't mind the chaos and quite like a good party game!

I think it's fine either way, more about the hassle it's worth to you, but no a full class party wouldn't be expected. We did do a whole class party in Y1 (but just Y1s, actually it's a combined Y1/Y2 class, but we just stuck to her year). That was only 15 children though, and then we invited maybe 5 from outside of school. No way I'd do it for 30 though and it isn't expected. I would say it's definitely not been the norm in our school.

This year though, I'd plan to have a few special friends round and call it a day.

Thanks everyone who has replied! Very mixed response! Last year we did soft play, which was ok but people always seem to bugger about with the invites and text at the last minute. I was heavily pregnant and not feeling it!

Softplay again would be great. The magician is a good call!

We've only been invited to whole class parties which is really nice although as a huge introvert I find them really stressful. I want to do one for dd this year but it may have to be a picnic and football in the park, then never again!

When ds was in reception we found pretty much nobody did a party in the first term as kids were still getting to know each other.
Parties started up in a big way in January and carried on pretty frequently throughout reception- either village hall/leisure center type ones or soft play venues with the ocasional farm visit. Some were whole class, some about 15/20 friends.
We found term 1 in y1 was more of the same. Term 2 (pre covid) was more smaller activity based parties e.g laser tag, climbing.
Not quite sure what's going to happen when we go back- ds' birthday is in November and I'm not even sure we'll be able to do a party by then, in your shoes I'd probably just invite 1 or 2 for tea and think about a bigger party in y1.

My son’s school, thankfully, doesn’t have the culture of whole-class invites. It’s always been a case of inviting around 12 friends. But we had no idea when he started reception. The first parties of the year set the precedent really. As yours will be one of the first, I’m sure the other parents would be grateful if you set the precedent of it not being whole-class!

@mnahmnah that is a really good point! Hooray! High tea it is!

Either small group or whole class parties are completely acceptable at that age. DD was invited to both, although never had whole class party as she never wanted one. The largest party she ever had was around 15 kids, and that was actually her least favourite!

I'd go for small this year. With a second wave expected and soft play not even re-opened, I would go low key, family day out and big party next year when friends are more fixed.