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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was reporting this the right thing to do?

31 replies

stepstepslide · 28/07/2020 11:42

I work in a small office. 5 different agencies work there. Within one of the agencies, I've witnessed a lot of bullying. It's severe and cruel. Directed towards a couple of people specifically. They are both very kind, hard working people. One of them has been severely affected by the bullying.

I work for a different agency, but we work closely together. We're dependent on each other's data.

It's got to the point where I can't deal with listening to this bullying anymore. I feel complicit. I've anonymously reported it.

It might be obvious it was me, which I'm worried about, but willing to accept.

I've had an email from HR commending my bravery which is nice, but they've also asked how far I'd like them to take it, and if I'm confident they won't know it's me (as I've raised concerns re anonymity).

Does anyone have any advice on the best way forward? How would you feel about this?

OP posts:
GinDaddyRedux · 28/07/2020 11:44

I think you've done the right thing, 100%.

I'm not sure why HR have asked you "how far you'd like to take it" - surely they could also provide a recommendation on this?!

Original poster
stepstepslide · 28/07/2020 11:46

@GinDaddyRedux this is the question in struggling to answer. I have no idea what their process is.

OP posts:
Original poster
stepstepslide · 28/07/2020 11:46

I'm

OP posts:
FourPlasticRings · 28/07/2020 11:47

I'd ask HR to speak to the victims, tell them it's been reported and ask if they'd like to pursue it. Support them if they do, leave it if they don't.

sweetbirdofjuice · 28/07/2020 11:49

You've absolutely done the right thing.

No idea what HR mean by 'how far do you want to take it', surely that is down to their processes? Perhaps they mean would you be willing to give evidence for a disciplinary if it came to that? I would give them a ring to find out what they mean

pennysea · 28/07/2020 11:52

You've done the right thing. I'd escalate this as far as it can go as the victims might not alway be able to speak up. It's also impacting you as you can hear what is going on and it's an unfair environment for anyone to be working in.

GinDaddyRedux · 28/07/2020 11:52

@sweetbirdofjuice

You've absolutely done the right thing.

No idea what HR mean by 'how far do you want to take it', surely that is down to their processes? Perhaps they mean would you be willing to give evidence for a disciplinary if it came to that? I would give them a ring to find out what they mean

Exactly. I think it's mildly depressing their reaction. I know some HRs are into this "self service" model but really, the OP has been brave and proactive in coming forward.

Asking "how far do you want to take it" feels like a way of not doing the work.

It's the passive-aggressive version of "do you want to take this forward? if not, you're saving me workload...do you really want to do something about this?"

Similarly asking for concerns about anonymity feels like "hey OP, let;s discourage you from reporting this and us taking it fully through the steps."

DisappearingGirl · 28/07/2020 11:53

I just wanted to say a massive thank you on behalf of those being bullied. It really can destroy people's lives. Thank you for being brave enough to stand up to it.

Are you close enough to the bullied staff to be able to talk to them privately, tell them you've witnessed it and that you think it's unnacceptable, and perhaps even that you've reported it to HR? Might make them feel strong enough to talk to HR if they want to, or if they don't, will make them feel supported. No idea if this is bad advice though sorry!

Original poster
stepstepslide · 28/07/2020 11:53

I was rather hoping they'd take it out of my hands and assure me my identity would be protected.

OP posts:
BoggledBudgie · 28/07/2020 11:53

As someone who was bullied relentlessly within the workplace, you’ve 100% done the right thing reporting it. I never felt able to speak up, no one else spoke up for me either. There were a lot of witnesses and the lack of backup meant I thought I deserved that treatment and even if I were to report it, everyone else would deny it. Sometimes just letting the person being bullied know that you’re there, you’ve witnessed it and you’re willing to confirm what’s happened if they wish will give the bullied persons enough courage to speak up.

Anxietyqueen1987 · 28/07/2020 11:57

You've definitely done the right thing, well done for speaking up.

billy1966 · 28/07/2020 12:05

You have done the right thing OP.

It sounds like the HR department want to make it difficult for you and would like to avoid the work involved in processing this.

Ask for clarification as to what they mean?

You are entitled to a safe working environment.

This must be very stressful for you to listen to.
HR have a duty of care to YOU also in this also.

Listening to someone being bullied is awful.

Flowers
contrmary · 28/07/2020 12:06

YANBU to report it but YABU to think you can just let them know then have no further involvement. You are a key witness and if it's a small office it's almost inevitable you won't be able to remain anonymous if you take it further. HR are just double-checking that you are happy to proceed.

OutOfHours · 28/07/2020 12:07

You 100% did the right thing, and HR need to take it all the way.

Well done for speaking up.

Original poster
stepstepslide · 28/07/2020 12:56

I didn't mean I want no further involvement. I've given a statement, I'm happy to discuss further, be interviewed etc, however I would like them to take the lead and do what needs to be done. I shouldn't be making the decision about whether they take it far or not. Surely they HAVE to do a thorough investigation?

OP posts:
Clumsyduck · 28/07/2020 13:16

They should absolutely take the lead now

You have done the right thing , I would have done the same as I despise any form of bullying obviously but it’s not always easy so well done

elaeocarpus · 28/07/2020 13:43

I don't know the laws or rules on this, but many years ago i raised concerns to my HR about a staff member being bullied by another. I was told in a nutshell there was nothing they could do unless the individual reported it themselves- spurious reasons of heresay/couldn't approach them /privacy etc etc. And it was suggested I encourage them to report it directly. I had reported it because i knew that they individual wouldn't as they were young/scared. I thought this was a shit cop out from HR.

YoBeaches · 28/07/2020 13:57

I would just respond to say you don't understand the question as you are just assuming the anti bullying policy and procedure will be followed to identify if this is the case.

JacquelineLadyBugg · 28/07/2020 14:01

Could you bat it back to them?

"How far do you think this should be taken?"

Original poster
stepstepslide · 28/07/2020 14:13

I've just spoken to them. They're sending it to their head of department and starting an investigation.

OP posts:
BoggledBudgie · 28/07/2020 14:16

Glad they’re investigating, hope something comes of it too! Well done for speaking up, you’ve likely made a lot of difference by doing so!

Original poster
stepstepslide · 28/07/2020 14:18

Still scared they'll be able to work out it was me, but not so scared that I don't want them to follow it up. I feel a bit sick.

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 28/07/2020 14:18

Well done and thank you. I have witnessed the most awful bullying at work and instead of reporting it I took the easy way out and left which I have always regretted. I did tell the victim and karma led to the bullies eventually leaving as they became untrustworthy and unpopular. Everyone knew they were bullies but it takes someone very strong to stand up to them especially when its the manager who is the main ringleader.

KatherineJaneway · 28/07/2020 14:32

Sounds like they were asking if you wanted to raise a grievance against the individual. It could be they assume that is what you were doing.

At least it is being taken forwards now.

Elastins · 28/07/2020 14:46

@stepstepslide

I was rather hoping they'd take it out of my hands and assure me my identity would be protected.
Then this is your exact response to HR
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