AIBU to be slightly freaked out at the thought of committing to a house for five years

[Bells3032]

We are buying a house hurrah. Very excited. it's a lovely house, plenty of space for us and a growing family (we are looking to start trying to conceive later this year Coronavirus pending) and very close to excellent schools/nurseries etc.

Then we got the mortgage offer through and it is excellent value and we decided best to lock in for five years as rates are really low. Just seeing that five years on paper and the charges if we leave before 5 years have me a little freaked out. Committing to something for that long - I can't even recognise my life from five years ago and no idea what the next five years would bring.

As of three years ago I hadn't even met my now husband and could not even conceive that three years from that date i would be married, buying a house and looking toward having kids.

I'm not backing out of the house or anything because of it - just feeling a little overwhelmed.

I think you’re getting weird responses here. I couldn’t wait to buy my own house but it all started to feel a bit too real when we got our mortgage offers and started looking. It was terrifying. Best decision we’ve ever made and we’ve been in our house 3 years now. It’s flown by.

I had the same on the morning of my wedding. I started to question if it was the right decision. Of course it was. I love my DH with all my heart and I couldn’t imagine life without him.

We tried for DC2 for over a year. I got my BFP and I started to panic and wonder what on earth we were thinking. She’s due in 8 weeks and we couldn’t be more excited.

It’s perfectly normal to feel nervous about big life decisions. Congratulations on your new house OP!

We bought our house with the expectation we can live in it until we are too frail to live alone or we die!

You just described my current position almost word for word!! I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by the five years - have always rented and enjoyed the freedom of being able to move effectively whenever I like. But my life is changing and I need my own home and am ready for the commitment of course - but it’s a daunting prospect. Anyone who is not bothered at all by big life changes and big financial commitments is very lucky - others like us get the oh my word feeling but push ahead because we know it is what we want and recognise that it is normal to have a whole range of emotions and stress levels about it. Good luck and you got a better rate than me so you are lucky!!

I think some of the responses you are getting are a little harsh OP. And to be honest, they are also likely to be coming from people who have a fairly limited outlook on life - in that they stay in the same place and don’t have any plans to leave.

DH and I have been married 18 years and have 4 DC. We are completely committed to each other and always have been. We are also about to buy, and for the first time ever we will be committing to a 5-year term. We do it, however, recognising that things might still change. We don’t plan on moving again any time soon - partly because of the education stages of our eldest DC - but we also know that the unexpected does happen and if it happens then we’ll deal with it.

In 18 years we have lived in 3 different countries, and within one of those countries we have lived in 3 different areas within a 25mile radius of each other. We have owned 3 houses, rented 2 (one overseas and the one we are in now which is short term while we wait for the right house to buy), and also rented out one of our homes while we lived overseas.

Our kids between them have also been in 8 different schools.

We’ve also dealt with significant trauma due to illness and DH has had his job changed more times than I can count.

Life happens. Tying in for 5 years IS a big commitment and being overwhelmed by it isn’t unusual - the reality is that none of us know what’s around the corner.

Did you move around a lot as a child or young adult, OP? My XH was an RAF child and moved every couple of years as a result and now has trouble staying in one place for more than two years. He wants to up and move house, change jobs continually (one of the reasons we divorced, I didn't want to uproot my kids every couple of years for no real reason). Whereas my mum and dad lived in the same house for over 50 years; and I lived in my last house for nearly 30 years before I bought this one which I hope to live in forever now.

So I think for some people, continuous moving is a 'thing' whereas for others it's a thing of nightmares!

Wouldn’t it be funny if pregnancy tests read
‘18 years-life long commitment’ instead of positive!

I think it’s normal to be a bit overwhelmed at buying a house. Especially when, as you say, your life has changed a lot in the last 3 years. You’re also planning on TTC soon and it’s a lot of change in a short space of time.

The ‘what have I done’ moment for me when was when the mortgage was added to our online banking. I went to check my current account and then saw this extra line of -£180,000! I knew the numbers beforehand but I wasn’t expecting to see it in comparison with my other accounts, which comparatively look so pitiful.

We’re thinking of a 5 year fixed term when our current fixed term is up in January. We’ll have been here four years by then and it’ll allow us to actually do the house up. Still it’s causing me a bit of uneasiness because you just never know!

Agree with PP - you're not locked into that house for 5 years, you're locked into the loan.

You are doing something life changing and it is normal to feel overwhelmed and a bit anxious. I was the same when I decided to take my employer’s voluntary early retirement package last year. No regrets though!

@BluebellsGreenbells hahahaha that made me laugh so much

@Zaphodsotherhead Nope, never moved around at all. moved house once as a child when I was 7. Moved out of my parent's house 4 years ago and 6 months later met my now husband and 18 months later moved in with him to his place. Where I have lived has never been more than a few miles from where I grew up. I have worked for the same employer for the last 10 years (different jobs to be fair but same overarching employer).

I had an extremely stable childhood and then the last 5-6 years has been change change change change. I lost my mother, met my husband, got married and got two big promotions within the last 5 years. I am only just turned 30!

I guess it's just very strange to look back and then look forward and have no idea where you will be

I moved around a lot as a child and five houses( rental then bought) after I married. Then we moved 300 miles and I bought this house while DH was away. I was nervous when he came back as we paid over asking to get it and it needed gutting plus we had two boys and a toddler. It was all a scary big upheaval and we had another baby and have now lived here 33 years.

It is scary as it is the biggest purchase you have but it sounds great. You just have to ‘ pull up your big girl pants ‘ and go for it. You’ll be so excited when you move in. Good luck.

Haha I feel the same, luckily we get a staff mortgage which is a very low rate tracker mortgage.
We’ve been in our (bought) house for 3 years now and I’ve got itchy feet. We never bought it as a ‘forever’ home though (I get the shudders at the thought of a forever home to be honest).
We didn’t move a lot of children but since 18 I’ve lived in 4 countries and 8 counties. So buying a house felt really strange. Like you say, life changes a lot in a few years!

It’s definitely scary seeing those figures but it’s a nice scary, especially when you move in 🥰 We’ve just done our first switch to another 2 year deal and when we looked at the total amount we owed it was nearly £100k less 🤯😝😝 That was because the interest rate had almost halved so that was a fantastic feeling. Well done on the house purchase, honestly the 5 years will fly by.

Ah that is a lot of changes in 5 years especially losing your mum.
Think how exciting it is though. Being able to chose things for your own home.

You can do it!

I get how you're feeling, but wouldn't it be even more scary to know that you were probably going to have to hunt around for new accommodation during those 5 years, possibly several times, at unknown cost, and with a baby in tow?

I'm just thinking that all your alternatives here are probably more stressful than what you're actually doing.

Don't get a smaller deal unless you definitely want to move sooner. Interest rates could rise and then you're paying more out sooner.

It seems scary, but think of the fact that you're probably saving a couple of hundred a month not renting. That's a great thing, more money for your family!

Congratulations @Bells3032 👏🏻👏🏻🍷!

I remember how I felt when I bought my first home - I felt so lucky, grown up, and a teeny bit scared - especially as I was the first in my family to have a mortgage.

I hope you have a very happy time there.🌹

I wouldn’t be too worried about it. We always fix our mortgage for 5 years and bought out of a 5 year deal also. Depending on the t&cs and the interest rates, buying out isn’t always the worst thing in the world.
As someone else mentioned, if you move during a 5 year mortgage then you take the mortgage with you (although again, this would need to be checked to see if it’s allowed by your mortgage as it’s not always a given they will transfer)

It’s very usual. Ftbs always, always have cold feet. The time will flash past. We thought we’d be here for about ten years, 22 years later we’re about to sell!

By the time I’d completed the move I was NEVER EVER MOVIBG AGAIN! So five years is nothing :)

It's the whole 'doing big and scary grown up stuff' that scares me.

I remember when I got the positive pregnancy test with my eldest. We had been TTC for nine months and I had been really upset only a few days before hand about how much I wanted a baby (looking back was the hormones). So very much wanted and longed for baby. My very first thought when I had that test was 'Oh shit, I can't do this!' and I started thinking that I could hide the test, DH didn't know I was doing it, he'd be none the wiser and I could go to the doctors and sort it all out on Monday. I just completely panicked about such a monumental change.

We were the same as you, went for a 5 year fix and worried about the commitment l. But as PP said you can take a mortgage with you which I didn't know before meeting with the mortgage advisor.

Also, we moved in in April and the thought that we don't have to go through that buying process again for 5 years is incredible! We know we can settle in and do work and we are so pleased that we didn't get one of the other houses that we offered on that would have meant a move in 3 years. We can extend here and fully expect to!

We also went for a 5 year fix, it felt a long time but halfway through I still have boxes in the garage not unpacked
You also get to try out all the homeowner stuff you couldn't do in a rental, redecorating etc which takes time and money.
And if it doesn't work for you, well you can also port the mortgage. Congratulations!

If the fixed period feels overwhelming & inflexible (Mike it did to me) you could try getting a mortgage with a reducing penalty charge year after year. In the first year it will be 5% but instead of staying at 5 it reduces to 4%..3..2..1 as the years go by. This gives you a bit of freedom /flexibility if you like. We did end up re-mortgaging partway through our fixed period which saved us more money in interest than the reduced penalty at that point.

*like