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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep my toddler at home and just resign from work?

42 replies

ChipmunksInAttic · 27/07/2020 21:51

I am working part time, 9-13 everyday from home (even before covid). My job can be flexible but also demanding, when I am working I usually spend more than half of my time in meetings and video calls.

I have two kids. My 19 months old baby is normally attending to nursery half days. I also have a 6 year old at home, but he is quite good at spending a few hours by himself so not very difficult. My husband has a very busy schedule as well and he is constantly in escalation calls etc.

With the covid, we were not able to send our baby to the nursery as it was closed, and it has been a very difficult 3 months. I used almost all of my paid leave during that time, changed my hours, worked nights, early in the morning etc and somehow managed to go through it.

Nursery reopened last week of June, and just two weeks later my son came home with high temperature. I kept him at home for a week, then he returned as his test result came negative. Two weeks later, today, nursery informed us that there is a covid positive case in another toddler bubble, (not in my son’s bubble but they all are in the same room) and there was another baby sent home on friday from his bubble with high temp, result not known yet.

Now, I want to keep him home this week at least, we don’t want to risk it and regret afterwards. That said, I really don’t know how to manage work and a very active toddler at the same time. My salary is only paying the nursery fee really, I’m only working not to leave a gap in my CV and to keep my skills up to date as working in technology. So I felt quite overwhelmed today and started to thing about resigning. I don’t like the idea that I’m giving up something and this can be manageable if I try harder but I’m under stress, don’t know what to say to my manager tomorrow. I’m already doing little work compared to my teammates as I’m working part time and this is not a very common setup in our company. AIBU to consider resigning?

OP posts:
tensmum1964 · 27/07/2020 21:56

Definitely not being unreasonable. These are difficult times and things are constantly changing. A lot of the population will have a gap in their CV due to this pandemic so I don't think employers are going to hold that against applicants in the future. You need to do what is best for you and tell your manager how things are. If they are a good company they will understand and support your decision.

gah2teenagers · 27/07/2020 22:02

Can you apply for a period of unpaid parental leave so you keep your options open ?

runninguphills · 27/07/2020 22:06

I would chat to your manager to see if you could negotiate a period of unpaid leave.

SkyeIsPink · 27/07/2020 22:07

There's a lot of "I" in your post. Where is your husband in this? Has he taken any time off at all or helped with childcare? Just because you're part-time doesn't mean it should all fall to you. Can he not take some time off this time?

TheHighestSardine · 27/07/2020 22:11

Definitely drop the job, it has very little value in your life.

Original poster
ChipmunksInAttic · 27/07/2020 22:17

DH is also doing his best, pulling his weight but we both are pushing our limits.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 27/07/2020 22:19

@SkyeIsPink

There's a lot of "I" in your post. Where is your husband in this? Has he taken any time off at all or helped with childcare? Just because you're part-time doesn't mean it should all fall to you. Can he not take some time off this time?
This.

I think YABU to have taken on the entire burden of childcare during lockdown.

Your husband is a parent too. He should have been taking annual leave and/or working flexibly in order to do some of the childcare.

He's probably the higher earner, so you probably think his job is more important (and it is in terms of paying the bills) but it's important that you hang onto your job and your financial independence - otherwise your earning power will go down, not up.

If your husband absolutely refuses to do at least some of the childcare then you should try to negotiate unpaid leave rather than resign.

AnotherEmma · 27/07/2020 22:21

@TheHighestSardine

Definitely drop the job, it has very little value in your life.
WTF. "Little value"?! How on earth do you know?! There are lots of advantages in having a job, financial and otherwise. OP might even enjoy her job If she didn't have to worry so much about childcare.
Mixingitall · 27/07/2020 22:25

Yanbu, go with the path of least resistance.

I had a long 7 year break, it didn’t matter, I started interviewing when my youngest was settled at school, in October of the first term in reception. With small children you don’t need to explain the gap.

Original poster
ChipmunksInAttic · 27/07/2020 22:28

he has been doing quite a lot, he too worked longer hours to be able to look after the kids in between his schedule, and he has been very supportive really, so that’s not the question. but obviously his wage is much more than mine.

OP posts:
Staplemaple · 27/07/2020 22:34

If you genuinely want to and are happy to, and it's not just because things feel too much at the moment and you might regret it, then sure. I think what others have suggested regarding asking for unpaid leave though is a good idea, as we are entering a recession and the job market becomes more competitive, it would be reassuring I'm sure- but they might refuse if they need the work doing.

HereIamin2020 · 27/07/2020 22:43

YANBU. My boss lasted a few weeks into lockdown and went as couldn't cope without childcare. I have hung on but always said I would see what happens in September. We are hanging on by a thread as a family but my kids are older. This winter is going to be hugely disrupted. Can you ask for a sabbatical as a starting point?

bookmum08 · 27/07/2020 22:44

If you can live on the one wage then go for it. Why add stress to your life when you don't need to.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/07/2020 22:46

If Covid disappeared tomorrow would you find it “easy” to get back into your field?

Tbh I’m leaning towards resign- why should you be feeling so stretched with no end in sight !

HotSauceCommittee · 27/07/2020 22:51

At least ask about a career break if you work in a large organisation?
Six months to a year should see you clear.
Or maybe, as other posters have said, some extended unpaid leave. Try those two options before resigning.
Would it be a hard field to get into again?

Username6345789 · 27/07/2020 22:51

Do what’s right for you but one thing to consider is that covid is leaving a lot of people without jobs, would it be difficult for you to get back into your fields post covid/would there be lots of people applying for similar work? Would your company facilitat a period of unpaid parental leave which could help the short term but leave you with a long term option too? My DP is self employed and things were going very well pre covid but ha hasn’t been able to bill anything since March so our situation has changed significantly he has been applying for jobs but it would appear so is everyone else...

Louise91417 · 27/07/2020 23:02

Having been furloughed and only back at work a few weeks im finding it stressful juggling the childminding and its like im constantly waiting on hearing my daycare has had an outbreak and this is stressing me as to what i will do if this happens...in a nutshell if i didnt have to work i wouldnt. Think lockdown has changed how we view things and given us time to reflect. I have always worked, never had those early years with my kids to enjoy them fully..i would love to be a SAHM to enjoy my little guy..

Oly4 · 27/07/2020 23:07

No I wouldn’t give up my job, I might not get another.
I’d soldier on and send the youngest to nursery whenever is possible. And ask for unpaid parental leave from my boss a few days a week if needs be.
We will all get through this

bumblenbean · 27/07/2020 23:14

It’s a bloody nightmare OP and you have my sympathies. I have a 1 and 2 year old and we just about survived lockdown with no childcare- our nanny returned last month and within a few weeks had to isolate for 14 days as her partner got covid symptoms. There is also the constant worry that it’ll happen again and I sometimes think I should give up work so we don’t have to use childcare and live with the additional mixing of households etc.

But ... despite considering jacking it in myself, overall I think it’s important not to make any rash decisions. If you enjoy your job and there’s a chance it’ll be hard to get back into the market if you quit, given the recession etc, then I’d definitely think twice before resigning. If however it’s just a massive stress and you are ambivalent about your job, by all means resign. Tough call but I’d just make sure you discuss it with your DH and consider all the possible implications first (as I’m sure you would!)

copperoliver · 27/07/2020 23:16

I'd definitely resign if you don't need the Money. X

RedRumTheHorse · 27/07/2020 23:24

Take unpaid leave during which time try and find an experienced childminder. They have less children, especially if they work on their own, so less bugs.

I work in technology as well and while you can get away with taking a year out after that companies are difficult.

BrutusMcDogface · 27/07/2020 23:30

I’m surprised that the majority of your answers have suggested that you resign. I’m just returning to work after being a sahm; I’m lucky that a job popped up that was right for me (very lucky!) but I agree with what others are saying re: job security and COVID now. My dh doesn’t know if he’ll have a job to go back to after furlough Sad I actually think people who are employed, should hold onto that employment at this stage as we have no idea what’s round the corner. What we do know is that the economy is going to absolutely disintegrate.

Didkdt · 27/07/2020 23:35

What's your ideal?
My employer is telling me to be flexible take sufficient breaks and remember sometimes my kids will need me and I can adapt around that.
Like you I worked 75% of my hours from home prior to Covid-19 so going 100% from home should have been manageable but actually it is harder in the current climate because I had things sussed there was school my husband wrap around care and holiday schemes having most of that pulled out from under me has made it difficult to work my normal way and I'm shattered.
But on the whole I really enjoy my job so I have tweaked and juggled and we are somehow riding through but I've booked some leave.
With a toddler I'd see if the can offer unpaid leave compressed hours or even more reduced hours I would consider going part time but in my job you seem to end up with just as much work and just less annual leave!

Original poster
ChipmunksInAttic · 27/07/2020 23:41

thank you for all the replies, I will try and hold on to my job, I am convinced that it’s the right thing to do for long term.

OP posts: