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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex-DPs nightmare ex

34 replies

Magicra84 · 27/07/2020 13:16

Ex and I split in November last year. The only reason for our split was the mother of his dad, his ex.

They were together for 8 years until she ran off with another man she had been seeing behind his back. He had been single for about a year until we met.

Everything was lovely between us except his ex. She was a nightmare and the first four months of our relationship he kept me a secret because he knew what she was like.

Soon as she did find out about me, any dates or weekends away we were on she would bombard him constantly with phone calls and text messages. One time she saw us out in the town from a bus (he didn't know she saw us but I saw her) and from that moment onwards that day she was constantly ringing him, making up situations to ring him about. He was really shit at dealing with her and pretty much refused to say anything to her so I broke it off. Since we have been split, he is much more effective in dealing with her now and has said his eyes have been opened to what she's really like.

So, we still like each other, have been great friends and decided to make another go of things until he told me that not long after we had broken up, she asked him if we had broken up and then went on and on at him for days after for a reason we had broken up. Is this even normal? He did tell her that yes, we had broken up but he said he ignored the texts asking the reason. I told him that he should've told her that his relationship was nothing to do with her. She's an absolute arsehole and yet again, I'm furious at his lack of ability to deal with her and we won't be getting back together again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Magicra84 · 27/07/2020 13:17

Sorry, it should say the mother of his dd, not his dad!

OP posts:
OneForMeToo · 27/07/2020 13:18

I wouldn’t give it any head space. His your ex now too and you don’t want him back. Just forget him.

TheIckabog · 27/07/2020 13:18

He needs to absolutely grow a pair. She sounds unhinged and controlling. He needs to tell her that communication will only be about his daughter and anything else is off-limits. His private life is exactly that-private!

I think you need to steer clear OP, nothing good can come of this and you don’t need this baggage!

Starlightstarbright1 · 27/07/2020 13:26

Some women don’t want there ex’s to move on - some men refuse to put up boundaries.

Original poster
Magicra84 · 27/07/2020 13:26

He had actually said to her a while back, in an attempt to set some boundaries, that he would only talk to her about their dd, because she had been texting him about personal stuff like relationship issues with her current partner and he had been texting her back which I found really inappropriate.

OP posts:
Ohtherewearethen · 27/07/2020 13:32

She wants to think she's still important enough to ruin his future relationships. She sounds like a complete headfuck. If he's been with her for years she may well have worn him down into thinking her behaviour is normal or he may have learned not to poke the bear. It sounds like he needs to work on himself and boundaries first before trying to have a relationship with anyone else. She sounds very spiteful though.

Original poster
Magicra84 · 27/07/2020 13:37

I am so angry that she even thinks she has a right to know why we broke up. Wtf!

OP posts:
ZeldalovesLink · 27/07/2020 13:43

She sounds like a nightmare, and he doesn’t sound capable of dealing with it. I think you’re well rid tbh!

Temp123999 · 27/07/2020 13:49

You seem too invested in your ex's life, move on.

Gorganzolabrie · 27/07/2020 13:52

"You seem too invested in your ex's life, move on."

The irony!

Original poster
Magicra84 · 27/07/2020 13:55

@Temp123999 but we were thinking of getting back together until all this came up.

OP posts:
Temp123999 · 27/07/2020 14:52

@Gorganzolabrie
You obviously don't know the meaning of irony.
As commenting on AIBU is hardly ironical🙄

TheGodmother · 27/07/2020 15:07

Why would you want to get involved with all that drama again??

You've made the break, stay away!

romeolovedjulliet · 27/07/2020 15:29

he / she aren't your problems anymore, nor your business so leave well alone.

RedDeadQueen · 27/07/2020 15:31

@Temp123999 - I actually think that @Gorganzolabrie was agreeing with you, and saying that it was ironic that OP is so invested in her ex DP's ex DP being so invested....

RedDeadQueen · 27/07/2020 15:31

is, not was

Temp123999 · 27/07/2020 15:52

Whoops sorry @Gorganzolabrie

Gorganzolabrie · 27/07/2020 15:57

No problem @Temp123999 Smile

853690525d · 27/07/2020 16:00

Why do you care so much? Some people send confrontation. He didn't inappropriately tell her why you'd broken up. He just avoided the issue. He can do that if he wants. There's more than one way to handle someone like her. Are you sure you're not controlling and you won't now consider getting back together because you can't force him to handle this your way?

853690525d · 27/07/2020 16:00

avoid

Chocoholic12 · 27/07/2020 16:13

Your best rid imagine dealing with the ex for the rest of your life.

SuePerb · 27/07/2020 16:21

Oh dear OP. I was also involved with an unhinged, stalking, deranged ex. She went to all lengths to try to get back with him. She used to send him naked photos, turn up at all times, obsessively phone him even joined my cycling club. In retrospect I should have walked away much sooner because it was drama I didn't need to get involved with. At all. No one is worth it. I bumped into his next gf's dd in a bar, and she told me the ex was exactly the same with her mum too. most recently the ex formed a fb group of all the exes. To talk about him.

Just stay away from the drama. Life is nicer. My ex has now bolted to another country, i'm sure to get away from her. You'd be crazy to get back together while she's in your ex's life.

GiveMeStrengthOrAHobby · 27/07/2020 17:33

Sounds like my OH ex, but we ignore her in the main. He only responds if she insists its a children emergency but if it transpires its not, he just walks away and tells her to sort it out herself. She threatened to try to split us up, i just looked at her deadpan and said "whatever" or something similar. I think it bothers her that she doesnt bother me. I find her drama rather amusing to be honest.

Original poster
Magicra84 · 27/07/2020 17:40

@GiveMeStrengthOrAHobby he doesn't seem to be able to ignore her or if he does, she's pinging his phone the whole time. It's really crazy.

OP posts:
lufcaregoingup · 27/07/2020 17:45

His ex isn't the problem it's the way your ex dealt with her! It was still early on in a relationship so forget about him and move on.