To be annoyed by people who say 'feel free to come over any time this weekend'

[Plippity]

Because it puts the onus on me to sort out a plan. I have one particularly friend who does this frequently. She lives about 40 minutes away in a place that i' m never just passing. She definitely doesn't spend her whole weekend sitting in the house, so if I did just drop by she may not be in. And she spends a lot of time in her huge garden, without her phone and where she can't hear the doorbell, so again if I did just drop by I might end up having to climb over her back fence to get her attention. So what actually happens is I end up having to do all the work to arrange a convenient time to go round.

Seems you are overreacting. You phone, if you get an answer you make arrangements, at a time convenient to you. If no answer, you don't go, and if asked why, well you didn't get an answer and you never drop around unannounced as you think it rude.

I always say that to my friend and she texts me half hour before to check in in.

Check I’m in - sorry

I’m not sure why this annoys you?

She’s free on a particular weekend, and you just need tell her a time that weekend that you would like to go and see her?

I suspect you are going to drip feed but as you’re the one going to see her, her telling you to pick the time is a courtesy that you should appreciate.

This annoys you, seriously? Just text a time and turn up, its really simple.

Wouldn't you just say something like is 2pm OK?

“Feel free to come around any time this weekend.”

You: “Fuck off.”

No it needs work, doesn’t sound quite right.

It's better really- because you can make the plan- balls in your court.

I'm not sure why you would be annoyed by this but can I suggest that you reply to her that you'll have a look at your plans when you get home and text her the likely time / day it will be. That way you can text her your actual ETA when you have narrowed it down.

Man, I wish this was my biggest problem.

Friend: Come over any time this weekend.
Me: Cool, see you Saturday at 2pm.

I get why this annoys you. It annoys me too. It's another thing you have to decide, another person's interests that you have to take into account and guess, another thing to add to your mental load. You just want a plan so you don't have to have a lot of head space on deciding when to go over and you can do other things with your time.

Though I just fine it's best to be upfront and say that you need a time or you won't get round to it, or suggest a time immediately and agree on that. I now take the option that if someone says they can do all weekend then I can choose right then and there what time is best for me and fix them into that.

rock up one night at 3am, she will never say it again lol

Aren’t you then supposed to reply,

“Cool, I’ll stop by around 3 if that works for you?”

That’s the way I’ve always done it. No problems.

Why not just pick a time convenient for you, send a message saying “great, see you Sunday at 5pm” and then it’s sorted?

This seems like such a petty thing to be annoyed about.

You just want a plan so you don't have to have a lot of head space on deciding when to go over and you can do other things with your time.

Seriously, how much head space does this take?

It annoys you because she lets you choose the most suitable time for you in a 48 hour window? And it’s such hard work to say 3pm on Saturday would be nice? Yes, what a bitch she is.

Why be annoyed? She’s being accommodating.

Just say, ok, I’ll see you Saturday at 10am. You do coffee. I’ll bring some croissants.

Sounds fine to me.

@PurpleDaisies

Enough when it's me having to decide every bloody time. Tbh it's a dislike that I have that's on the same level as me not liking celery so not a big one but it still there.

I think this is more just different lifestyles. I'm a planner and I like to know something is in the diary so to speak but I usually just laugh when someone says something like this. Usually with something like "no sorry lovely you know how I am , gotta have a plan or my head explodes , how does 2pm Saturday sound ? And dude make sure you can hear the door or I'll sing Henry the eigth at the top of my voice e to get your attention". I have a friend who I'm meeting on Wednesday who is like your friend , i say something similar , she laughs and calls me a control freak , i tell her shes a pain in the backside and all is fine we agree a time.

No point in stewing about it , we are just different people. She's not being sinister she is just a dropper inner and you are not , just clarify a time with her.

For those of you saying, just name your time, I see your point but it's never usually that easy. I say, ok see you at 2 on Saturday and it turns out she isn't free then or I text and say I'll be over in an hour and get a reply that she's just about to go to x and not sure if she'll be back. As wannabemathematician says, it's the extra mental load.

So in fact the issue is that she doesn't really mean feel free to come over at any time.

Perhaps she means that she doesn't have firm plans, but will not actually be in the house the whole time.

I think this can work if people live very close to each other, but at 40 mins away you can't just be spontaneous.

Maybe be prepared so you can immediately suggest a time.

@Plippity that should have been in your OP, that does change things and I would tell her to suggest a time that works instead of suggesting a time yourself.

@Plippity

For those of you saying, just name your time, I see your point but it's never usually that easy. I say, ok see you at 2 on Saturday and it turns out she isn't free then or I text and say I'll be over in an hour and get a reply that she's just about to go to x and not sure if she'll be back. As wannabemathematician says, it's the extra mental load.

So why not then throw the ball back in her court and ask her what time does suit her then?

AryaStarkWolf that's what I do now, or I say I can do x or y time are either any good. But wouldn't it just be simpler if she said, I'm free at half 2 on Sunday, do you want to come over? Maybe my AIBU should have been to be annoyed with people who say come over anytime at the weekend but don't actually mean anytime.

I think with someone like that I'd suggest one time and if that didn't work I'd not bother to suggest another. Ball back in their court