Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU?

12 replies

FloEve48 · 27/07/2020 10:53

Need some advice please regarding MIL....

We haven’t had a great relationship- she was ‘disappointed’ when we announced our Engagement and there has been a few occasions she has tried to interfere with the wedding and babies where we have had disagreements over the years but on speaking terms and normally ok.
We have now been married for 8 years and have a 5 and 2 year old but this last year me and DH have had some relationship problems and going through abit of a bit of a rough patch although trying to work through it. Multiple things really but basically hasn’t grown up and still wants to live a single life drinking every weekend and doing his hobbies while I take care of the kids, any way I finally lost the plot in lockdown as he didn’t help with kids at all, I had to work, homeschool, house work everything on my own while he locked himself in office cause his job is more important then me et.. and we had a massive row where I said if things didn’t improve then that would be it
Anyway obviously we have each talked to our parents but seems that MIL has taken a sides and since our argument has been nothing but rude to me. Because of lockdown have only seen her a handful of occasions but each time she has pretty much blanked me, she acts as if I’m invisible. For example she called down on Saturday, DH was out doing the front garden, she stayed an hour but just at the front of the house didn’t bob her head in to say hello. She knew I was in as I was with youngest DD. Then she called Sunday didn’t say hello on arrival, acted as though I was invisible, directs questions to DH about the children- are they going to bed yet Adam? What size clothes does she wear now Adam? I try to ignore it and just carry on but yday I had enough so I just walked out of the room and carried on with housework etc. I honestly feel like I’m invisible. This has gone on for a while there are numerous of occasions this is just an example. She quite often blanks me when I do talk she either looks at me like shite making me feel really uncomfortable or just talks over me. All communication regarding kid’s is via DH, we don’t get invited to family days out. Recently FIL MIL BIL SILs and grandkids all went to the coast we wasn’t asked to go and I can only assume it because of me. SIL doesn’t speak to me any more when I tried to arrange Play dates with cousins she doesn’t want to know. Other SIL is again the same only worst she doesn’t speak to me at all. Example here was at nephews party she said hello to both my daughter - hello DD1, you ok? but walked straight by me. I said hello she just didn’t speak at all!! I was so uncomfortable in house that afternoon it was horrible. DH doesn’t side for me He says that I am making it up! I Feel
Like I should ask his mum what her problem is but I know my DH won’t back me up so just like a waste of time but I don’t want to live like this plus with other problems it not helping feeling like giving up on it all and starting on my own with girls 😢

OP posts:
Noidea2114 · 27/07/2020 11:02

I'm sorry that you are having problems with your husbands family. But you have bigger problems with your Husband if he won't support you and calling you a liar would be deal breakers for me.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 27/07/2020 11:03

Accept that is the way they are going to be. If it isn't acceptable behaviour to you, don't accept it. Don't allow anyone in your home who is not prepared to show you respect.

If you are certain they are behaving badly towards you then give your husband an ultimatum to show support for you (and also share tasks for running your household) or ship out. In those circumstances, I'd very quickly divorce the whole family.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 27/07/2020 11:11

I think the bigger problem is your husband.

His family ate being arseholes but he should have your back and call put their behaviour. To call you a liar is a huge red flag.

That said, from your post you don't appear to be making any effort with mil. If she was stood out the front why did you not go outside and say hello?

BunningAndStrave · 27/07/2020 11:55

I wouldn't let someone that ignored me, into my house.

Ask her what her problem is then tell her to get fucked. Him as well, tbh.

Leaannb · 27/07/2020 12:00

YABU...This is the exact reason why you do not share marital.trouble with your in laws. All of that who
Hold have been kept between yourselves or with a trusted friend. Not your parents

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/07/2020 12:06

Well you don't know what your dh has been saying to his family about you, but I wouldn't be going to family gatherings, and they wouldn't be coming to my house if they didn't acknowledge my existence. I would probably divorce the husband actually, get rid of them all.

AlwaysCheddar · 27/07/2020 12:18

Sounds like your dh has told his family it is over and so I’d see a solicitor.

piscean10 · 27/07/2020 12:22

Yabu only because you think his family is the problem when it is him. You do realise if he didnt allow this then you wont have this issue. Why did he not ask her why she isnt going inside instead of standing at the gate? Why is he ok with them ignoring you in your house? Most importantly, why are you allowing your husband to treat you this way?
He sounds divorce worthy.

billy1966 · 27/07/2020 12:27

OP,
I would accept your marriage is over.
Do NOT allow his family into your house again.
Your husband is a nasty piece of work with a horrible family.
Don't waste your life being treated like this.

Wishing you well.Flowers

ExclamationPerfume · 27/07/2020 12:30

We never discuss our arguments with family ever. I wouldn't put up with her treating you like that. Either confront her or go no contact.

Motoko · 27/07/2020 13:12

Well, it looks like you need to split with your husband. He sounds selfish, with not doing any parenting or housework, and he's siding with his family's nasty treatment of you. He should be sticking up for you, not calling you a liar.

Unfortunately, there are still far too many men like this. The more women refuse to continue in relationships with these men, the better. If these men couldn't have relationships because of their behaviour, they might start to change. Or eventually they'll die out, and as the children will have been brought up by strong women who refuse to be treated like this, the next generation of men would be better.

IamMaz · 28/07/2020 09:58

My MIL never approved of me. I was always nice as pie to her!!! On purpose! This used to amuse me and annoy her.

I think it was because my DH had been married before with 2 DC and
she thought his divorce would mean she wouldn't get to see them. She actually used to take ex-DIL, children and new husband away on holiday - but never DH and me. Very many times.

My DH and I had DS but he never got looked on as favourably as the other grandchildren so I was always very resentful of that, tbh.
She lived about 300 miles away. Me and DH went to see her about 3 years ago and took her to a tea-room that she wanted to visit. We were there for 2 hours and she didn't speak to me once!!!
I was used to it and I was still being very nice to her - offering butter for her scone and milk for her tea etc. LOL.

She died in May. I shed no tears.
In fact, the DC of ex-wife and her new husband [no relation to MIL at all!!!] got included in the funeral service as one of the DGC she had.
Last laugh though - he isn't mentioned in the Will.

Bitter? Moi?
Wink

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread