Great Aunt funeral

[Cornishbelle]

My great aunt recently died. I saw her several times a year when I was young but after teens and getting married etc not as much. We still spoke occasionally and sent xmas cards etc but she has children several
grandchildren etc.

My uncle (her nephew) has contacted me to give details of funeral. I have checked the online details done by her daughter and it says a memorial service at a later date.

AIBU to think I should not be concerned that I cannot attend funeral? I have contacted my uncle to advise this and waiting for a snotty response.

Tbh this is part of a bigger issue where since my mum died nearly 15 years ago my uncle seems to have slotted me into her place, ie my cousins are now my nephews, my great aunts are actually my aunts etc. He seems to think we should have a very close relationship from what I understand and remember we didn't see loads of them even when my mum was alive. Sorry if this sounds confusing

I suppose it depends on why you can't or don't want to attend and what you have given as your reason. Only unreasonable if you just can't be bothered x

Were these people supportive when your mum died?

Or are these random people who you wouldn't keep contact with unless you were family?

That would guide my decision

YANBU.
Over the years I've not been able to go to most of my uncle and aunts funerals for various reasons, it's just one of those things and no one should give you a hard time about it.

Numbers allowed to attend funerals are pretty limited at the moment so it would be odd to insist on the attendance of a great neice when it sounds like your late relative has surviving children and grandchildren who would take precedence

As long as you acknowledge the loss to those who were closest to her and send a card then YANBU not to attend

@Esthermoo01 I have two children with no childcare available due to current circumstances, and I would really prefer not to take them especially 21month whirlwind toddler. I just don't think it's appropriate the older one would be very upset too. @IamtheDevilsAvocado they attended my mums funeral but I know this will sound rude but they are very dramatic in nature and I didn't feel supported as much as daunted by their behaviour as they tend to dominate these occasions, even turning up at hospital when my mum had hours to live.

I would want to support them and if they was going to be a shortage of close family or a possibility of childcare but with the current situation how is it possible? My uncle seems to be in denial about covid anyway his thought a couple of days before lockdown was try not to worry too much it is all a drama over nothing.

I am hoping to speak to her daughter and pass on my condolences and have sent a card. I just felt like my uncle is overstepping the mark, whereas the daughter of the lady in question has not even contacted me and I wouldn't have really expected her to she has close family to look after and arrangements to make

@Cornishbelle the childcare reason is perfectly valid. YANBU.

You say you are awaiting a snotty response but he hasnt actually responded? If you cant go, you cant go. I wouldnt worry about it. If he sends a snotty response, ignore it.

Numbers will be restricted. Do you know if there would be room for you to attend anyway?
We were only allowed 10 at my MIL's graveside funeral in June.

I suppose funerals are really for the living so the best approach is to consider the feelings of those closest to your aunt and how you can make them feel like she was important to you to help their grief

So you have already sent a card, on the day perhaps send another message telling them you will spend the day thinking of them. Or have a video chat with them before or after the service
Send something like a wreath or charity donation in lieu with a loving message.
Maybe a contribution to the catering arrangements
That way your presence will be felt even if you are not there and nobody should have cause for complaint

Numbers are limited at funerals currently as previous posters have said. A lot of funerals are offering live video links.

Let the uncle know you've reached out to her daughter. Offer kind words and fond memories of her. Tell them you're aware due to limitations that others will take precedence/ask if there's a video link and ask if there's going to be a collection you can donate to in her memory?