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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to change my name?

51 replies

Changinmyname · 26/07/2020 22:09

Name change (Grin) as I think this could be a sensitive subject.

I want to change my name but I need your thoughts.

I've always disliked my name because I have a horrific past with it - It's the name I heard before I was abused as a young girl, my mother just 'chose a name' without any thought into it, I feel nauseous whenever people say my name etc.

I have a lovely name in mind and I honestly just feel like myself whenever I think of myself with it. It has a lovely connection to my family history, and the meaning behind it is so special to me Smile

But i'm in my early forties and i've known my birth name for so long. It's weird to me. I feel as if I am a different person and i've held onto my birth name for so long that I would seem strange without it.
I'm not sure how people will react.

Please share your thoughts on this as i'm not sure if it will be the right decision.

OP posts:
Howmanysleepsnow · 26/07/2020 23:08

Do it! Your reasoning makes perfect sense, there’s no reason not to.

Pinkyyy · 26/07/2020 23:08

OP have you had any help for dealing with your past? I have a feeling that changing your name might be a way of burying those memories, which could probably be a good thing, however info think your time would be better spent trying to disassociate yourself from the trauma

Original poster
Changinmyname · 26/07/2020 23:26

PP I've thought about this for a while and I have had help to talk about my trauma. It's just that my name just sticks with me. I can't forget about who called me it before etc.

OP posts:
ClattyPat · 26/07/2020 23:32

Definitely change your name! How exciting to choose your own name!

GreenPlum · 26/07/2020 23:33

How exciting! Do it! You'll be surprised how easily people adjust. I know two people who changed their name to something completely different. Easy peasy!

Littlepond · 26/07/2020 23:44

One of my best friends changed her name. It took a bit of time to get used to but now it’s her! Her mum still uses her old name and although I knew her as that name for years it now sounds wrong as I’m so used to calling her NewName.

Go for it 😀

TooFrickinHot · 26/07/2020 23:46

My mum did it in her 50s.. Everyone's used to it now - even my dad and brother (who has always used her name rather than "mum"). Go for it Smile

Alexandernevermind · 26/07/2020 23:49

Do it. A relative changed her whole name because she had a lisp and hated telling people her name.
You could always add a new middle name and refer to yourself as that, so legally you are still connected to old official certificates etc, if that makes sense? For example I know someone who uses their chosen Confirmation name as their known as name.

paddyclampitt · 26/07/2020 23:51

Absolutely go for it! People will get used to it! When someone gets married and changes their last name, people accept it so why should a first name be any different? :)

meghanisadick · 27/07/2020 04:47

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Changinmyname · 27/07/2020 11:34

Not sure why previous message was removed but I hope it wasn't too bad Confused
But thank you everybody. I have a lot of hope now Smile

OP posts:
Suze1621 · 27/07/2020 15:16

A colleague at work announced on her 40th birthday that she wanted to be known by a new 'grown up' name rather than the shortened version of her first name which she had come to feel was quite childish. An email was sent round at work, no one batted an eyelid and within a couple of weeks her 'new' name was just her name. Go for it!

Bemorechicken · 27/07/2020 15:20

A friend of mine was a certain name -she hated it and got to 55 and then changed it and became Ruby -I'm ashamed to say but I can't remember what her name was before. She had a becoming Ruby party and changed everything and did it all my deed poll. It changed her life. She has been abused by her Dad and then her ex husband and the new name and surname -was totally hers!

Tlollj · 27/07/2020 15:26

What’s your name, and what’s your new one going to be.

FunTimes2020 · 27/07/2020 15:53

@Tlollj

What’s your name, and what’s your new one going to be.
I doubt OP would want to reveal this information. Come on! Hmm
FunTimes2020 · 27/07/2020 15:54

Absolutely go for it. Get the ball rolling this week, and report back! Smile

Chocoholic12 · 27/07/2020 16:20

Do it!

BluebellsGreenbells · 27/07/2020 16:23

It’s no different to getting married really. People get used to the change.

HeechulOppa · 27/07/2020 16:26

Go for it!!! It sounds like it will bring you peace so why the hell not make yourself happy Smile

Enko · 28/07/2020 08:49

Another one who says do it. Don't worry about what people wil think just worry about how you will feel.

Mabelface · 28/07/2020 09:08

Do it! I want to change my surname as I'm divorced but don't want to revert to my maiden name. I just don't know what to call myself as yet.

Meggymoo777 · 28/07/2020 15:15

Another one saying to do it here! 👍🏻 I love the idea of inviting your nearest and dearest to a "naming party" of sorts, life is too short to be carrying loads like this on your shoulders, if something like changing your name will lighten your mental load and make you happy then there is no question in my opinion... DO IT! ♥️

Bemorechicken · 28/07/2020 15:21

@Meggymoo777

Another one saying to do it here! 👍🏻 I love the idea of inviting your nearest and dearest to a "naming party" of sorts, life is too short to be carrying loads like this on your shoulders, if something like changing your name will lighten your mental load and make you happy then there is no question in my opinion... DO IT! ♥️
Ruby's party was the best party I ever went too. Like a birthday party. But also a "setting Ruby free party" We all went to support her with her name changing - I really can't remember her name before and ten years on she is different person -gone is the shy timid little mouse and she's just a huge character and she grabbed her "new self" with both hands and became the person she wanted to be.
Bemorechicken · 28/07/2020 15:22

@Mabelface

Do it! I want to change my surname as I'm divorced but don't want to revert to my maiden name. I just don't know what to call myself as yet.
I went for my father's mother's maiden name.
Meggymoo777 · 28/07/2020 15:43

@Bemorechicken Awh, I honestly had goosebumps reading your last post about Ruby's party, so wonderful and amazing how something symbolic like changing her name had such and incredibly positive impact on her life 🥰

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