How to overcome social anxiety

[Henn42]

Has anyone had SA and managed to fix it without medication? I will consider medication if nothing works but in the past I have reacted very badly to even low doses of anti-depressants

chromis In my experience, that's a really bad idea. Alcohol makes social anxiety worse in the long run. You may talk more easily, but afterwards you invariably get 'the fear' about having talked too much coupled with a feeling of never wanting to socialise again.

Even leaving that aside, developing a dependency on alcohol to be able do certain things is very unhealthy and can pave the way to a drinking problem.

The other suggestions on this thread are a much better way to tackle the problem.

Thank you all for your replies. I’m looking on amazon now for all the book suggestions. I’m so sorry I’m not replying to everyone individually, You’ve all be so kind taking time out of your lives to write thoughtful messages.

@iamMadameX no please don’t apologise, I wanted to hear everyone’s stories and feel free to post about yourself. How are you feeling? I hope things improve for you. You did it once and you can again x

I’ve got myself in really awkward situations with alcohol. I have relied on it so many times in situations where I’m nervous and it’s never ended well! It’s made me retreats further into myself as I get embarrassed and keep overanalysing everything. I still cannot to this day talk about my wedding as I got so drunk. Not because I wanted to, or I was having fun, but to deal with the crippling anxiety of everyone looking at me. I’m so ashamed lol!

@Henn42 just as others have described, graded exposure to certain situations that trigger your anxiety will help you to build up your social skills. You're aware of the issue and you're motivated to do something about it, so you're already further ahead than a lot of people. I work in mental health and a lot of people are avoidant or compensate in unhealthy ways, but the only way to deal with it is to gradually build up your tolerance. Perhaps start by writing a list of the scenarios you find to be the hardest to deal with and then break each down into smaller steps that you can work on to build yourself up to managing the entire thing. The more you know about yourself, the better you'll be able to manage it. Try not to beat yourself up when things don't go well and focus instead on what you've learned and what you can maybe change for the next time. Its also important to remember that nobody is perfect, so just focus on where you want to be and don't compare to anyone else. Good luck on your journey!

@ScarletMouse thank you. That’s brilliant advice of making a list. Thank you.

@Henn42 Sorry for the slow reply! In social situations I would describe myself as being excessively self-conscious. I have so many thoughts running through my head about how I am coming across to others in an awkward way.

Silences are the worst and happen all too frequently. I feel like the pressure is on me to keep the conversation going because when I see those people chatting with others, their conversations flow easily so the silence is my fault. My mind goes blank and I panic inside which really doesn't help me come up with anything to say!

I feel like I don't have much in common with anyone so struggle to come up with things to talk about and I don't really know how to respond to a lot of things. In a group I find it hard to get involved in the conversation so end up just sitting there awkwardly. This makes me so uncomfortable and I feel that makes other people uncomfortable around me too.

I wouldn't really say I have any friends anymore. I'm 26 now and I guess I only really had friends at school who I have now drifted apart from. I have had 'acquaintances' and colleagues along the way and the above feelings definitely apply to social situations with those people. I'm not that close with my family and would say that I do often feel like this with them too, apart from my mum. I haven't told anyone about my SA but my family can probably guess...

For the most part I avoid social situations and enjoy my own company. The only person I feel truly comfortable with is my husband and spend most of my time with him. I realise this not helpful and I need to do something about it.

Good luck to you in overcoming this, you are definitely not the only one who is struggling! and thanks to PP for the book recommendations, I will definitely be having a look at those.