Struggling with boundaries and being 'too nice'

[AnastarziaAnaqway]

I've struggled all my life with boundaries and this is something I should probably visit with a therapist.

When I was younger I was called 'too nice' on so many occasions, and looking back I was, I was very weak, but I think 'too nice' is a clumsy way of saying it.

A couple of years ago a guy dumped me for not 'challenging' him, and another ex left me for a girl who 'challenged' him.

I'm in a relationship now and i'm trying my best to be nice but 'challenging' (hate that word) by not agreeing with everything, questioning opinions etc. Just trying to show I have some substance.

I think my boyfriend knows i'm very 'nice' though and luckily seems to love me as I am.

Another guy ended it and he had treated me awfully. I told him it was 'his loss' (maybe a bit unnecessary) and he replied that I was a horrible person.

Another guy said I had 'treated him really badly' and blocked me because I called him out for all his behaviour and got angry at him.

Anyway I think being kind is very overrated. I try to make some decisions, I don't let my boyfriend or friends choose everything. I say if I don't like something, and I share my opinions on topics, but not sure what else I should be doing.

I want to be seen as the nice person I am but be aware of boundaries, i'm just worried about being rejected yet again for this 'being challenging' rubbish.

They either like you for who you are or tough. The men that broke up with you for not "challenging" them just needed a different kind of girl? As they say there is someone out there for everyone and it just didn't work out. I dont think you need to change yourself. Be true and accept yourself and they should too.

I wish I was like you I'm far too challenging lol, I wonder how I get my partner to stay. I wish I could keep my opinions inside.

What you describe doesn't seem to me to be to do with 'niceness'. Not having opinions on anything and having to make an effort to dredge some up for the sake of appearing interesting, strikes me as being vacuous, uneducated or incurious, rather than nice.

I take it you mean you're easy-going and generally go along with things the other person wants to do, which is a really valuable trait and makes for easy friendships - so long as you're not always relying on the other person to come up with all the ideas and just following along passively. That's actually very demanding upon the other person.

Being too nice though, is generally about inconveniencing yourself for other people's benefit, then feeling taken advantage of, when you find they take you for granted and would never reciprocate.

So I'm not really clear on what you're saying here, or what you want from us.