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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To contact an old teacher...

29 replies

junebug87 · 26/07/2020 17:21

I was going through an old school box recently and amongst the things was an address for an old school teacher. I remember her giving it to me and asking me to keep in touch. I did write a few times but then life happened and I never followed up.

This teacher taught me for 7 years and I’m also friends on social media with another teacher that she was good friends with. These two were brilliant role models for me growing up and were the two I turned to for advice when being bullied. I have messages from the one on social media a couple of times a year.

AIBU to think it would be a bit weird for me to send the other one a letter after all of these years? I’m in two minds. She may not even remember me?!

OP posts:

cheapskatemum · 26/07/2020 17:24

I say do it. I was a secondary school teacher for 25 years and am always honoured when former students get in touch. I do remember them, I’m sure your former teacher will remember you if she had such a personal involvement. Good luck!

AngryPancake · 26/07/2020 17:25

I think that’s amazing! Absolutely no harm in that at all. Especially the way things are just now. I guess your only problem might be if she’s moved!

You’re lucky having had a teacher who was such an inspiration to you too. I had a few that I quite liked but they were generally all pretty hopeless! I was bullied really badly too and not single one I could have turned to.

Good luck with it! I’m sure she will be thrilled.

Baileyscheesecake · 26/07/2020 17:28

I would do it. She may no longer live at that address of course but what have you got to loose? If I was a teacher and I received a letter from a pupil who still remembered me I would be pleased, especially if it was a lovely letter saying what a great help and role model I’d been. It might make her day and what harm can it do? Could you ask the other teacher you’re still in touch with whether she still keeps in contact with her - just in case she’s moved from that address? If she is you could ask her to pass on your social media contact info so she can look you up if she wants to. Good luck!

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/07/2020 17:31

Do it, I'm sure she'll be thrilled. I was an Early Years teacher and many years ago two girls from the first class I ever taught contacted me via Friends Reunited. It was quite a deprived area and they had both done well and were happy with their lives. I was really pleased.

Original poster

junebug87 · 26/07/2020 17:32

Thanks for your replies. It’s been 25 years. She is still at the same address as the other one said she’s still there a while ago. As it’s been so long I didn’t want it to come over that I was stalkerish or anything! I will feel a bit of a twit if she doesn’t reply if I do send.

OP posts:

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 26/07/2020 17:33

I got in touch with an old school teacher. He was a great source of help and advice when I was in his class. My mother was an emotionally abusive arsehole and I was very lonely and socially inept. This teacher would often spend his lunchtimes sitting in the classroom with me, listening and helping. He also often 'accidentally' brought too much lunch so I had to share it or his wife would be upset. He helped me see I didn't have to continue living with my mother and because of him I moved to Australia with my dad and became much happier. When I moved back to the UK I got in touch with him, I wasn't sure if I should but I wanted to tell him what a difference he'd made to my life and to show him how happy and well-adjusted I became. I was so touched to discover he still had the gift I'd given him when I left on his desk and said he often thought about me and hoped I was OK. I consider him a friend these days and we often go for coffee.
This is a long-winded way of saying go for it. Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.

CornishTiger · 26/07/2020 17:34

Almost certainly really appreciate it and hearing how you are.

LittleRa · 26/07/2020 17:38

I’m friends with my old form tutor from secondary school on Facebook, she’s retired now and also friends with other ex-pupils. She often “likes” photos of my DD, my travels etc and I see her photos- her son lives in New Zealand so she travels there and so on. It’s nice! I’d say go for it.

debwong · 26/07/2020 17:43

Yes, please do it. I'm sure it will be appreciated.

Craftycorvid · 26/07/2020 17:43

I think just explaining how you were going through some papers and were reminded of how helpful this person was is not only thoughtful but very far from stalker-ish. I think most people would be very touched to know how much a former pupil valued their support.

I was just thinking today about a very kind teacher at school (probably the only one tbh). I’d have no idea whatsoever where she is now or how to say hello, but hi, Miss Watkins (known for no obvious reason other than alliterative ones as Womble). Thank you for being one bright spot in an otherwise dire period of my life.

WinnieLowCo · 26/07/2020 17:44

Ken Robinson in his book ''The Element'' had some anecdotes about people who contacted a teacher years later, but it was always because the teacher had said something to them, seen them in a way that no other teacher saw them and that shaped them in some way.

There was one story about a guy who was writing stories and a teacher said to him ''you could do this for a living'' and his career started out in acting, and he'd had a few parts but never made it big. He ended up bit by bit writing screenplays and then one day he thought of the teacher and rang him up and said ''is this what you meant?''. The teacher had been following his career and had spotted that he'd moved to screen plays.

But I'd be embarrassed contacting any of my teachers. None of them had any faith in me, and my life on paper would only prove them right, but they were all pretty blinkered, had their favourites, pre judged me. There was the odd good one.

iklboo · 26/07/2020 17:46

I'm friends with my old form teacher on Facebook. We have some really interesting chats and debates as well as laughs and support.

MahaMoon · 26/07/2020 17:53

My old school recently had a school reunion. I was there all through primary and secondary and was quite close to a lot of the teachers. It was lovely catching up and a lot of the teachers (now long retired) turned up. We now have a Facebook group to stay in touch.

All of the teachers there were a happy to see what we had been up to and we’ve already made plans to have another reunion once were allowed.

You should go for it, you’ve nothing to lose.

Letsnotusemyname · 26/07/2020 18:15

I’m retired now and am friends, on FB, with quite a few ex-pupils. Some have asked me, I’ve asked others.

I bump into others around town.

Go for it.

billy1966 · 26/07/2020 19:19

@LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag
That is so touching.

It is truly amazing the difference a little kindness can make to the life of a child having a tough time in or out of school.

OP, I wouldn't hesitate to do this.

berryhead2013 · 26/07/2020 20:19

I'm in the same boat I would love to get in touch with my primary one teacher she was so kind and amazing don't even know what I would say
She isn't on Facebook but I found her husband I was at their wedding
I didn't want to contact him in case it was creepy

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/07/2020 20:49

There are a few of my teachers I'd like to contact now but I doubt if they are still alive. A good reason to make contact now.

Fairybird · 26/07/2020 20:52

What a lovely thing to do. It’s things like this that bring the greatest joy to teachers, knowing that they have had a positive impact on someone’s life. I’m sure she would be very touched.

Serin · 26/07/2020 21:36

My youngest DS has just left school and swears he is going to send his music teacher a bottle of gin at Christmas for the rest of his life.
Send her the letter OP, just do it in the expectation that you may not get a reply as she may have moved house etc.

Original poster

junebug87 · 26/07/2020 21:53

Thanks everyone! You’ve given me assurance it’s not creepy. I will sit down and work out what to say.

OP posts:

Original poster

junebug87 · 28/07/2020 16:13

I've written a letter and will post tomorrow. I still feel a bit like it's a strange thing to do...!!

OP posts:

PicklePig31 · 28/07/2020 17:09

Go on OP. I love receiving messages/emails from ex students. It’s one of the best things about being a teacher. Some of my ex students have become friends which is lovely - probably as I was 23 when I started teaching so barely older than them!

Your teacher will be delighted.

@LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag I’ve just sobbed at your post. What a lovely teacher (and his wife!) you had. I’m so glad you had him xxx

Original poster

junebug87 · 28/07/2020 21:18

I hope so. I will feel a tad silly though if it doesn’t get a reply! Still I think I will regret it if I don’t send it!

OP posts:

justdooooit · 28/07/2020 21:23

I left sixth form in 1996 and very recently got in touch with my old form tutor who was also one of the subject tutors for one of my A levels.

He was so lovely. I was really glad I contacted him.

He definitely remembered me and he told me that he often thought of me when advising other students on choosing A level subjects (I took his subject at A level after dropping it at GCSE and went on to get an A despite feeling behind the rest of the class for at least the first year).

Do it. And report back!

Original poster

junebug87 · 28/07/2020 21:28

Ah that’s an amazing story! I left in 1995 - a quarter of a century ago!!! I’m guessing she must be late 60s now and retired. I will report back!

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