This is quite long, I will try to be as concise as possible.
ExH and I have been apart for 7 years. He has never paid CM. I initially didn't pursue it because he had such a low income when he left that it wouldn't have been worth it.
In the first year of us splitting he had our daughter infrequently, roughly one Sunday a fortnight, day time only.
Eventually when he saw her more regularly, roughly one night and two days every fortnight I calculated that he'd only owe me something around £11 a week in CM, I'd rather he had that money to use when he had her.
Fast forward to now, he has had a live in partner for a couple of years who also has a daughter. My DD stays with him EOW Saturday afternoon until Tuesday morning and on the alternate week on a Monday night, so 8 nights a month. He currently doesn't earn a huge amount but more than before.
Throughout our marriage he was a heavy drinker/alcoholic. Drank heavily a minimum of 5 nights a week. Was regularly emotionally and verbally abusive. Was physically abusive on more than a handful of occasions. After we split he continued to be emotionally and verbally abusive. Currently he's generally fine with me but has unexplained, unreasonable outbursts at me probably every couple of months. He doesn't attend parents evenings, school functions, drs appointments, dentist appointments etc and never has done.
I divorced him, but using the 2 year separation clause, and I had to do EVERYTHING for it. Even having to go over there and tell him where to sign. No property etc was involved, straight forward form filling and signatures.
I asked for a financial contribution before Christmas, I asked for £22 a month, which is half the cost of her dinner money. He refused, saying that because I receive child benefit for her, the financial burden is mine (he was less eloquent..). I have received in total, over 7 years, £13 for a school cardigan when she was 5.
I am fed up with the abuse and how I am still a sounding board for his temper tantrums 12 years in. It's exhausting and every time it happens I am catapulted back to a time when I have had to physically and emotionally protect myself and my child. I want him to contribute to his daughter's life.
I had a brief conversation with a family solicitor over the phone about my options and the upshot of it was that if I pushed for CM I risked him taking me to court for 50/50 access, (which I DO NOT want him to have). Realistically if he did try that, he wouldn't be able to afford a solicitor, doesn't qualify for legal aid and has zero ability to competently represent himself. I could find funds if pushed for a solicitor, may potentially qualify for legal aid (according to the solicitor there are a couple of loopholes) and could represent myself if required (sister is a family law paralegal, although not in the area of divorces).
Realistically I'm looking at probably £80 a month CM that I'd be entitled to (and the principle of it, which is decidedly more valuable).
I've spent the last few years having a mental back and forth with myself about going through with it but I'm aware I'm heavily clouded by how much hate I have for him and I don't want anything I do to have a negative impact on my DD's life. DD is 10 so he'll be around and 'involved' for a while longer.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is the risk worth it?
TLDR: Do I try to claim CM and risk dickhead ExH taking me to court for 50/50 access to DD?