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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What did you Or wish you’d done for DH 40th

37 replies

Verity35 · 26/07/2020 16:28

Not an AIBU obviously but hoping for more answers please.

DH 40th coming up very soon and I’m really struggling to think of ideas. Please tell me what you did or plan to do or wish you had done.

I’m thinking of having a family party with extended family at home or in a small hall as this is what’s usually done in both our families. I don’t know tho!

OP posts:

hamandcheesesandwichplease · 26/07/2020 16:34

We haven't reached 40 yet but for his 30th I organised a party in a local hall.

I think he wants to go on a big extended family holiday for his 40th, we've got 5 years to organise / think about it.

My 40th is 7 years away, my youngest will be 7 so I think it would be nice if dh and I could go for a weeks holiday by ourselves somewhere amazing.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 26/07/2020 16:36

Family party would be lovely. For mine, we went away for a long weekend in New York, which was obviously amazing, but I didn’t really celebrate with family at all and kind of wished I had. It felt a bit weird arranging something for myself and he didn’t think to invite anyone from my side over, although he bought me a great cake and we celebrated with his side of the family!

For his 40th he went away with his sibling and their DCs for a big villa holiday but that’s my idea of hell so I stayed at home

Original poster

Verity35 · 26/07/2020 16:37

I’m not sure how social distancing will work out. It’s in about 4 months time

OP posts:

AragonsGirl · 26/07/2020 16:40

My DH was 40 a couple of weeks ago, and I was 40 a couple of weeks before that. For his, I did an afternoon tea which we invited a couple of our friends to (they were allowed in the house at this time due to lifting of restrictions). For mine, he planned a bbq at the home of the same friends. Both our families live too far away to pop up, and at the time of mine the 5 mile advisory travelling distance was still in place. We were due to be in London for a few child free days, but that’s been postponed until next year. We both had lovely days despite the restrictions though.

Original poster

Verity35 · 26/07/2020 16:40

@hamandcheesesandwichplease yes hall I was thinking too but not sure about social distancing measures then

@MarkRuffaloCrumble wow yes holiday with his family is my idea of hell too lol! New York for a weekend sounds amazing. Our youngest will be 3 then and I don’t want to leave him

OP posts:

Original poster

Verity35 · 26/07/2020 16:41

@AragonsGirl that sounds lovely for both of your 40th. I wish we could also do this but weather will be cold for outdoors - or do you think it might work?

OP posts:

girlicorne · 26/07/2020 16:45

We didn’t do much, his birthday was at the end of August and we had been away with the DC most of the summer so we didn’t have much spare money so we just had drinks with friends. If I d planned it better I d have taken him abroad to the hotel we went to on our first holiday in 2006 when we d been together about six weeks. It was the only true holiday we had together as I was pregnant a few months later!! For mine we went to two family tourist attractions, one I d wanted to visit for ages and the other somewhere I love but we don’t get to go very often as it’s 4 hours away. We stayed overnight at the onsite hotel in their special room at the first place. I organised it all though but I don’t mind as I knew exactly what I wanted to do and that I just wanted to spend it with DH, DD and DS.

AragonsGirl · 26/07/2020 16:48

@Verity35 we were lucky with the weather for mine in June, and for my husbands we were allowed people in the house as restrictions had been lifted. Not sure what we’d have done in June if it had been raining!

AliasGrape · 26/07/2020 16:51

I wanted to throw DH a party but it’s not his thing really and he doesn’t like a big fuss on his birthday (personally I LOVE a big fuss!)

So we had a weekend away in York which is a special place for us. I organised particular stuff that I knew he’d like such as a beer tasting session in a brewery there, and we went to an aircraft museum on the way home because he’s a plane geek.

He then organised a night out with his mates himself for the following week.

I’d have liked to have taken him for a weekend abroad, was looking into Bruges, but would have needed the Friday at least off work to make travel times work and it couldn’t be done.

OhTheRoses · 26/07/2020 16:53

We are usually in France for his birthday but just before his 40th I hired a pod on the London Eye for our closest friends and we drank champagne then had dinner at a nice restaurant. There were about 20 of us.

3ismylot · 26/07/2020 16:56

For DH's 40th last year I took him to New York for a long weekend and for my 40th in a couple of years we are thinking about Iceland for the Northern Lights, neither of us really like the whole party thing so it suits us.

MaggieAndHopey · 26/07/2020 16:58

Saved up and took him on a whistlestop European city break - Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam. Kids went to my mum's for the week. It was brilliant, and ended up being as much a treat for me as for him.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 26/07/2020 16:59

@Verity35

Not an AIBU obviously but hoping for more answers please.

DH 40th coming up very soon and I’m really struggling to think of ideas. Please tell me what you did or plan to do or wish you had done.

I’m thinking of having a family party with extended family at home or in a small hall as this is what’s usually done in both our families. I don’t know tho!

Ask him what he wants to do for his birthday and do that. Simple really.

AgeLikeWine · 26/07/2020 17:01

DH is not a party person, so we went away for the weekend to a lovely part of the country and had dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant. Just the two of us. Perfect.

Original poster

Verity35 · 26/07/2020 17:05

@trappedsincesundaymorn He says “nothing” like he did on 30th. So we went out for a meal but during arguments he will say he had a shit 30th when he put so much effort into mine. I don’t want to go off topic sorry!

OP posts:

Peccary · 26/07/2020 17:09

Just a nice dinner as he had been out of work and we were just getting back on our feet. I plan to take him away for his next birthday in feb if possible . Spent mine in San Sebastian although had to take DD as child care fell through.

Onmydoorstep · 26/07/2020 17:10

It's a while ago for us now, but in general it's a bit of a challenge for DH birthday present. He has most things he needs, and if he wants something he's inclined to get it.

For his 40th though I got tickets for Nick Cave concert. I got him 4 tickets, so he could bring some friends. In the end we both went along (i'm not a NC fan, but wow what a great gig, amazing performer), with another couple we socialize with. It was a few days after the birthday

On the day itself I can't remember really. No doubt some nice wine, and an extra special night at home with no kids, I go all out for DH's birthday

RJnomore1 · 26/07/2020 17:11

Took him for a surprise Caribbean cruise but one of our kids was away at uni and the other one on a skiing trip so not like we had a 3 year old to factor in.

It was amazing though. Was 2 years ago and I’m so glad I did it.

RJnomore1 · 26/07/2020 17:12

@Onmydoorstep I adore nick cave, my favourite live performer, great gift.

Original poster

Verity35 · 26/07/2020 17:14

Sorry I’m going off topic again but I feel sad we waited so long to have kids (not by choice, fertility issues). I would love to do a family type thing but it’s hard work! I’m tempted to leave them with his mum for a weekend but feel bad they’ll miss his birthday celebration

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jackstini · 26/07/2020 17:16

For his we hired a windmill for the weekend and went away just the 4 of us - perfect for him, he's not big on family parties and it was in January

Mine was in July and I had a hog roast on the field near our house with over 160 people - which was perfect for me!

Really depends what he likes and appreciate some of the experiences you might have considered will not be available...

Tiredmum100 · 26/07/2020 17:18

My husband is 40 in a few weeks. We are having a small bbq in the garden with some family and friends. Luckily we have a large garden so plenty of space to social distance.

Original poster

Verity35 · 26/07/2020 17:19

A windmill - wow! I need to look into this. What was it like?

OP posts:

Sceptimum · 26/07/2020 17:21

[quote Verity35]@trappedsincesundaymorn He says “nothing” like he did on 30th. So we went out for a meal but during arguments he will say he had a shit 30th when he put so much effort into mine. I don’t want to go off topic sorry![/quote]
What did he do for your 30th? People will often throw you the party they want.

Fanthorpe · 26/07/2020 17:22

Look at The Landmark Trust website, amazing places to stay, some real adventures to be had!

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