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Mask shamed (disability), complain? (Some TMI)

453 replies

Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 10:18

I've NCed for this thread as I expect the details I share will make the case highly identifiable. MNHQ can confirm I'm a member of some years.

I have several disabilities, physical and psychological. I am unable to wear a face mask because I have PTSD from sexual trauma as a young teen. I'm sorry for TMI but it's relevant to the case - I was raped and penetrated in my mouth too. Due to this nothing can cover my mouth, it's an instant panic attack.

I had to attend a hospital yesterday - minor injuries unit. I approached to book in and was instantly ordered to put on a mask, one was offered, to which I replied I was unable to do so due to a mental health condition. She fetched a nurse who asked why I was refusing to wear one, and that if I did not then I would be removed from the unit. This area is very open and very public, with other patients being seen at the side of me.

I was becoming extremely anxious at this point and explained that I have PTSD. They wanted details. I was essentially railroaded into detailing what happened as a teen. I was told to wait and then taken into a room with a doctor and another nurse. I again had to explain in detail my PTSD. I was then offered a visor type mask which I found very claustrophobic and in all honesty unbearable.

I was then triaged, assessed and treated. In total I explained everything three times, had an hour-long major panic attack in the car afterwards and have been very on edge, upset, and on the edge of more panic attacks. I had two more overnight and haven't slept, am very upset.

I'm extremely pissed off in truth and am wondering whether I should complain, through which channels, how far to push and what the outcome would likely be.

I'm posting this in AIBU as I want the brutally honest views!

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
RufustheRowlingReindeer · 26/07/2020 14:19

blue

I know 😀

Ive been told approximately 5 times, ive apologised to the person i corrected and ive also apologised to every one who has taken time out to correct my mistake

trappedsincesundaymorn · 26/07/2020 14:19

There needs to be an easy way for exempt people to identify themselves to staff though

I know what about a lanyard on display that tells other people that the wearer is exempt....oh wait.

Ssmiler · 26/07/2020 14:20

Op I’m very sorry that this happened to you. I don’t know if this is of any help but the bit where you said that you had to keep repeating your trauma resonated with me.

My daughter suffered PTSD following two traumatic hospital situations where, amongst other things, she was forcibly held down.
The result was that she needed certain adjustments on future visits to medical environments.

Her NHS appointed psychologist recognised that explaining this each time was reliving the trauma so she created a “hospital passport” for her to carry. It Is just a laminated document with a short summary of the issue and the adjustments required. It is signed by her, her paediatrician and her psychologist.
I know This doesn’t help you today, but might something like this work for you in the future? Flowers

WeAllHaveWings · 26/07/2020 14:24

Sorry OP, you are paying the price for all the twats who are refusing to wear masks because they are uncomfortable (or worse against their "rights" 🤦‍♀️) and service providers are having to challenge multiple times throughout the day for good reasons.

It is unlikely there will be a nationwide campaign for official exemption cards. Your best bet is to be prepared it is likely to happen again, especially in hospital settings, and if possible phone ahead, if not possible then ask to speak to someone privately immediately upon arrival.

Enoughnowstop · 26/07/2020 14:24

Why did you not think ahead ? Why did you not prepare ? You are going to encounter this on public transport , shops etc ? Is this going to happen every time or are you going to equip yourself with what you need

The legislation says we can declare ourselves exempt and what in doing so, the people we declare to need to leave us alone. The government has put up stuff you can download but not everyone is necessarily aware this has happened and not everyone has the means to print a 'card' or unders tand how to keep it where you can easily access it on your phone (or even has a phone). Not everyone realises they may need to explain themselves - as I said up thread, it only occured to me yesterday reading the train thread that my type 1 child might experience a problem if he were to be hypo when out and about. I have now downloaded what we need, printed it, saved it to phones, put a copy in my bag and my child's rucksack. I will also inform the company that runs his school bus as they have already said you won't be able to get on the bus without a mask.

I am not sure what else I could do? But I can guarentee something will happen at some point that I haven't covered all bases for. The OP was wearing a lanyard and declared himself exempt from mask wearing. That was enough.

Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 14:25

Maybe it's not the same for all users but I don't pay to use MN and I have the 'OP's posts: show all' button at the bottom of all OP's posts.

The problem is the MN site is a car crash across all the different browsers and apps. Sorry MNHQ, but it's the truth.

OP posts:
BluebonicPlague · 26/07/2020 14:26

Rufus I am so sorry - I didn't see the subsequent posts.
Blush

theendoftheworldasweknowit · 26/07/2020 14:27

@Enoughnowstop The trouble is, it's very easy for someone who isn't exempt to get hold of a sunflower lanyard and say that they have a hidden disability. Some people are just scum and will do that, which makes it harder for the people who are genuinely exempt to get access to the understanding they deserve.

This country is so divided and broken, no one believes anything anyone is being said at the moment unless they can evidence it.

RufustheRowlingReindeer · 26/07/2020 14:28

blue

Honestly not a problem 😀

Serves me right for pressing the wrong buttons all this time . SeeIng the ops posts is an awesome feature

Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 14:30

[quote theendoftheworldasweknowit]@Maskwoes I'm sorry for the way you were treated.

I don't agree with the way that our Government has handled this at all. I agree with previous posters that there needs to be some kind of official exemption rather than a self-certified one. People are scared of catching Covid-19, so everyone who can wear a mask needs to wear a mask, and the people who legitimately can't wear a mask need more protection from other people's fear and anger than their own word.

I think it's fair enough to be hacked off with some joker who refuses to wear a mask because he doesn't want to, but the problem is, it's impossible to tell the difference between that kind of person, and between you. In a civilised society, we could operate on an honesty basis where if someone says they have a hidden disability we take them at face value, but this country is an absolute car crash at the moment. I honestly don't know if we've ever been this divided. The trouble with sunflower lanyards is people who shouldn't be wearing them can easily pick them up. There's a lot of anger and fear and some of it is getting directed at the wrong people.

I can understand why the people around you in the hospital were scared. I don't think they handled the situation well, but I can understand why they challenged you. A&E staff get told so many lies and are so overworked that their default reaction is sometimes open suspicion.

You talk about wanting to make changes - you said there was nowhere private for you to explain why you couldn't wear a mask. Getting that changed would be an excellent thing to campaign for. No one should ever feel obliged to recount such personal details in earshot of non-medically trained strangers - you deserved more compassion than that. If you had been able to be quickly ushered into a private space without fuss, the whole ordeal might have been less traumatic.

The hospital staff may not have had access to your medical history. GP and hospital notes are notorious for not being joined up. I've experienced this myself and found it baffling, seeing as I've been specifically treated as an in-patient for a condition my GP is supposed to deal with the majority of the time, but at least it's been inconvenient in my case, rather than traumatic. Perhaps there needs to be a way of better identifying people who are exempt from the mask rules by linking some sort of flag to their NHS number. That's another change that you could press for - if you give your details and staff can locate you from them, they should be able to see that a doctor has already decided you don't need to wear a mask. There should be no need to get into that decision again and ask for details.

You mentioned you were given a visor to wear - did you get on with this at all? It sounds like by the time you were given a visor mask you were in a bad place and anything would have been terrible, but if perhaps an adapted version might work for you (the internet is full of people selling custom made masks these days) that would be ideal. I appreciate that it might still be triggering for you, and this might be a complete non-starter, but wanted to check whether there was any mileage in exploring that option further.

Although staying at home as much as possible if you don't want to/can't wear a mask is probably the right thing to do, as you rightly pointed out, with a potentially broken limb, you didn't have much of a choice but to venture into the outside world and into a hospital with people there.

Suing the NHS is rarely the right thing to do, but making a formal complaint and campaigning for change (if indeed you have the strength to do so) would not be wrong.

Again, I'm sorry that you had this experience, and that you've perhaps had to share more details of your trauma on this thread than you would have liked to in order to convey your point. None of it is fair or deserved.[/quote]
The visor was hot and claustrophobic. The whole experience just took me back to my assault and reliving it. I just wanted away from it, I was totally broken.

But I have to take issue with your "stay home" comment. If I had COVID symptoms I wouldn't leave the house, because that's my civil responsibility. I do not have to wear a mask because I am legally exempt from doing so, and yes, an official blue-badge style card would've removed these sorry experiences from everyone who has suffered as a result of being illegally challenged.

OP posts:
Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 26/07/2020 14:31

You can actually make a formal complaint op without making less formal discussions with PALS. Someone else can make the complaint on your behalf of you would rather - the hospital just ask you to sign a form agreeing to this.

I.did this when my dad received appalling care that nearly killed him. We didn't want to sue, we wanted to highlight the problem and try to make sure it didn't happen to other patients. The hospital responded very well to be fair. We made clear what we wanted - to discuss it and ask for changes - and very quickly had a meeting with senior consultants.the clinical director, director of nursing, one of the matrons and someone from the hospital. It was a really productive meeting - dad got to explain the impact of what happened to him, they talked through his notes and identified what went wrong and then had already identified steps they were taking to try to prevent it happening again.

You might find it a more constructive process than the legal route. Just a suggestion.

Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 14:31

@TheStuffedPenguin

I see you are bolshy enough on here *@Maskwoes* with your quips - shame you didn't employ some of that in your visit . However I will leave you to the sympathies here that you want .
You talk about my integrity, fuck off with your victim blaming bullshit.
OP posts:
BatShite · 26/07/2020 14:32

card than can be printed from the gov site.

I dont actually understand this part, as literally anyone can get that sign on their phoes or print it.

Its not surprising in the slightest that those unable to wear masks are being treat badly. My husband was screamed at on friday got not wearing one, and ended up showing the exemption card and a GP letter to staff..though the guy who was shouting seemed to think he should be able to read someone elses medical history Hmm DH now plans to ignore completely anyone who talks in such a rude of insensitve way to him, which tbh is probably the best plan. He has no issues showing it to staff, but he doesn't want to go into his issues with strangers.

I think this will calm down soon, but at the moment, I really feel for ill people. I can claim a exemption, my specialist axctually asked me if I wanted more proof than the government printout. But I plan on staying in until this chills, as I couldn't deal with randomers attacking me in the street..

Sorry this happened to you. Might be worth if you need to go again, letting them know beforehand. Mind, in my mind I am 50/50 on if places that completely refuse entry are breaking discrimination laws in some way..I get that masks protect everyone, but they are very dangerous for a group of people so it seems a bit wrong to say those people should simply stay inside even longer..especially when many of the shielded will also be mask exemptions. I do not think its right to expect people to put themselves at massive risk of harm so others feel safer tbh. But not sure what the answer is either as obviously as lot of people have extreme anxiety about this virus too. But some are clearly enjoying just being wankers.

BatShite · 26/07/2020 14:35

As an aside, PALS have in my experience been utterly useless. I had an issue a few years back where many many mistakes were made during my care, and PALS didn't want to know, and even attempted to gaslight me saying that I was pretty much imagining the problems (despite the problems leading to permanent damage to my body..so yeah, of course imagined) and should just accept that I got incredible care Hmm

Hopefully they are better elsewhere than here.

Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 14:36

[quote theendoftheworldasweknowit]@Enoughnowstop The trouble is, it's very easy for someone who isn't exempt to get hold of a sunflower lanyard and say that they have a hidden disability. Some people are just scum and will do that, which makes it harder for the people who are genuinely exempt to get access to the understanding they deserve.

This country is so divided and broken, no one believes anything anyone is being said at the moment unless they can evidence it.[/quote]
Sunflower lanyard, NKR Radar key, Mask Exemption "card"....

OP posts:
FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 26/07/2020 14:38

@itsaratrap

I am sorry for your horrific experiences.

This is precisely why an identification marker, akin to blue badge is needed. Show your card, end of matter.

Too many bolshy sods who just don’t want to wear a mask because they’re awkward will lie and muddy the waters for people such as yourself who have very good reason not to wear a mask.

This 👆🏻

I've heard so many different excuses about why people can't wear masks that I'm getting a bit cynical. One of DD's friends says she can't wear one due to claustrophobia, has printed a card off and everything ... she's due to start a nursing degree in January, she's says she'll just have to 'get used' to wearing a mask then!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

MulticolourMophead · 26/07/2020 14:40

@RufustheRowlingReindeer

4. refering to you as female when you aren't (because people can't even use the very simple 'read all OPs posts button

I agree with most of your post and I absolutely agree that all of the ops posts should be read before commenting

But the above is a paid for feature

No, it's not a paid for feature.
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 14:40

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

You can actually make a formal complaint op without making less formal discussions with PALS. Someone else can make the complaint on your behalf of you would rather - the hospital just ask you to sign a form agreeing to this.

I.did this when my dad received appalling care that nearly killed him. We didn't want to sue, we wanted to highlight the problem and try to make sure it didn't happen to other patients. The hospital responded very well to be fair. We made clear what we wanted - to discuss it and ask for changes - and very quickly had a meeting with senior consultants.the clinical director, director of nursing, one of the matrons and someone from the hospital. It was a really productive meeting - dad got to explain the impact of what happened to him, they talked through his notes and identified what went wrong and then had already identified steps they were taking to try to prevent it happening again.

You might find it a more constructive process than the legal route. Just a suggestion.

Interesting, so you bypassed PALS? Who did you address your complaint to?
OP posts:
bumblenbean · 26/07/2020 14:41

Bit of a tangent but what happens if you have an accident and have to go to a&e but don’t happen to have a mask with you (because you’re not in a place where one is required)- will they refuse to take you?! Or what if you’re having a heart attack or something impeding your breathing - would you still have to wear one?

Sorry for the derail OP- just musing about what happens mask-wise in emergency situations!

BatShite · 26/07/2020 14:43

(by saying ring in advance, I meant ring while on the way to the hospital as its not a planned appintment. Though I understand if you are in a lot of pain, its easy to overlook this.)

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 26/07/2020 14:44

@bumblenbean

Bit of a tangent but what happens if you have an accident and have to go to a&e but don’t happen to have a mask with you (because you’re not in a place where one is required)- will they refuse to take you?! Or what if you’re having a heart attack or something impeding your breathing - would you still have to wear one?

Sorry for the derail OP- just musing about what happens mask-wise in emergency situations!

I'm sure A&E have plenty spare!!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 26/07/2020 14:44

Often people don't take notice UNTIL there is case law!

theendoftheworldasweknowit · 26/07/2020 14:45

@bumblenbean

Bit of a tangent but what happens if you have an accident and have to go to a&e but don’t happen to have a mask with you (because you’re not in a place where one is required)- will they refuse to take you?! Or what if you’re having a heart attack or something impeding your breathing - would you still have to wear one?

Sorry for the derail OP- just musing about what happens mask-wise in emergency situations!

If you're having a heart attack, I would say it's fairly obvious you shouldn't be wearing a mask. The problem the OP had was that his disability couldn't be assessed by looking at him.

He was offered a mask to wear, which suggests A&Es have a stock of face coverings that they will give out if necessary. The issue wasn't that he didn't have a face mask, the issue was that he couldn't put one on.

Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 14:47

@bumblenbean

Bit of a tangent but what happens if you have an accident and have to go to a&e but don’t happen to have a mask with you (because you’re not in a place where one is required)- will they refuse to take you?! Or what if you’re having a heart attack or something impeding your breathing - would you still have to wear one?

Sorry for the derail OP- just musing about what happens mask-wise in emergency situations!

At my local hospital, Major Trauma Centre, they have both normal and visor masks on ambulances and at both public and ambulance A&E entrances.
OP posts:
RufustheRowlingReindeer · 26/07/2020 14:48

I Think I’ll hide the thread 😀

mask i hope It goes ok for you, I don’t think you did anything ‘wrong’, you didn’t deserve to be treated like this