To think my FM is absolutely selfish??

[Notthisagainfgs]

Nc -

My family member and I both have DC with similar age ranges. 3 months apart. Both hitting pretty much the same milestones. We share these together.

Not once, i dont think she has ever complimented or praised my child for what she's done, but, turned it around to her DC

'oh blah learned to crawl today!'
'yeah, blahs been doing that ages, her new trick is to clap'

Where as if she turns to me and says she has achieved something I always make a, big deal out of it, always praise her daughter.

Literally anything she turns into her and her family and doesn't even give a damn about me or mine, it's like she only asks something to shove into the conversation how great her family is.

Apparently her 10 month of says 10 words some are just babbles like literally no connection to a real word and I praise this although I don't quite believe a babbling sound is a genuine word.

Maybe I read too much into but I honestly it's really frustrating me now, Im not asking for her to be over the moon but just to say 'ah well done, that's great' would suffice, surely? I'd get it if she didnt want to know of anything but she does, but, she doesn't want to knwo for the sake of knowing and praising she does it purely to then turn it into her.

AIBU?

Stop sharing your daughter's achievements and don't ask about the other child's milestones. Welcome to competitive parenting!

@Knittedfairies I literally don't even ask, she just comments it to me 😅 think in general I'm going to step away from her.

She’s just one of those people. If you’ve been to Tenerife then she’s been to Eleven-arife. Ignore her.

She sounds like a knob. Don’t worry about it. It’s nice to see your child progress and develop, but it rarely matters when they achieve this stuff.

Smile and nod
Honestly with someone like that you can never win

@Raimona most definitely!

@TestingTestingWonTooFree I'm not too concerned about when she's hitting them etc, I'm not even trying to make it into a competition, she asks but for no other reason to turn it into her.

@user1487194234 perhaps I'll just stop interacting with her all together!

It's funny how becoming a parent does this to some people. It's so unpleasant isn't it. I think it's insecurity and desperation that their child should be as remarkably special as they feel they are. It's as though some people confuse the overwhelming love they feel for the child for an actual reality of 'unique ability and general amaaaaazing everything' and forget that other parents feel that way and that their child whilst lovely as all children are, are as human as the rest of us.
It is tedious to rub up against and the only cure is to keep all those conversations at bay somehow, maybe that means keeping her at arms length generally. Sometimes, if you're lucky, it's dies down as the children get older and aren't doing something new every day, sometimes it carries on or even gets worse. 🙄
If you allow it to continue it will grate on you until your relationship is sour or you end up saying something you regret.
I don't know anyone who has had a child who hasn't had someone they know behave like this. You're unlucky it is so close to home.

Love all the much more succinct replies you got. Eleven-erife made me laugh. 😂

@Halloumisalad I really wasn't quite expecting her to be or act like this. She's always been funny but never quite like this. Definitely think I'll just step back a while. She might get the point then. It's definitely grating on me now, I'm getting to the point I want to say something but unsure how to word it in a nice way! Yes, some of the replies are fab 😂

I'd guess that your child is the elder of the children? Had this with my sister in law - there are 8 months between ours, hers is younger (my first her 2nd). But always had to be doing at least what mine was right from walking etc. Still get it now just glad they are in different school years. It still grates with her that her child prefers to play with my younger child - but they have more interests in common!

OP, this is who she is....A prize tit.

They are beyond tedious to be around.

This will only get worse and you will dread being around her or bumping into her.

You won't want to mention anything about your child because you'll invariably have to listen to them bore the arse off you.😁

Gently back away now👍

@LittleOwl153 Sounds similar to us! No, mine is younger. But, don't I know it! Not like I want her to be achieving more than she should or pushing her though!

@billy1966 sounds exactly how I am feeling at the minute, like you say, think I'll back away and stop talking to her for the moment at least! I really enjoy hearing about her milestones and love knowing how she is getting on and letting her now I'm proud, because, I am! But I just wish it was reciprocated to us, even just one, nice gesture about my DC would be nice!

You don’t have to be proud of another baby’s milestones! I think you’re trying too hard here and are never going to get it reciprocated.
Concentrate on enjoying your own family. Don’t feed the jealous monster.
When toddler groups are open again, go and make new friends.
Or chat to older people. Many of them love to see a baby and their admiration is genuine.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Her comments are stopping both of you from enjoying your dcs milestones. The only way round it is to stop sharing your dd’s and being fairly non committal about her dd’s. Lots of ahhhhs and oh that’s nice.

I tend to think that kind of thing comes from a place of insecurity; it’s frustrating but try to feel sorry for her rather than upset by it

@Marcipex That is very true, but, that's who I am i suppose! I enjoy hearing about it to some degree. I'm not quite sure what Im expecting really other than some recognition, but, maybe that is unreasonable!

it’s not unreasonable, but I think you’re wasted on her.

She sounds deeply insecure! Perhaps you could ask her why she is...?

One of our friends is like this. Completely ridiculous but we love her anyway. It's just insecurity. Smile, nod and let it go.

It gets worse as they get older.

Why would you praise someone for developing how nature designed them to? Maybe if you stop seeing it as a big deal you won't care if she doesn't either.

@rosiejaune Because, she is obviously seeking that by mentioning it and pushing it into my face. If she didn't mention or post it every where, then people wouldn't assume that's what she wants, surely? I thought that's what people did, as that's what people do to myself regarding my daughter (obviously not her!)

There is a huge amount of progression in 3 months when your children are that young. Maybe she thinks that you will be interested in what is likely to come next.
I think you are giving this too much head space. I might respond to her next boast with "oh wonderful, they'll be driving next" or something along those lines.

I have a friend like that. It used to bother me, but after I came across this Pam Ayres poem it makes me smile now.

My baby's eyes are bluer than yours,
He's got more teeth and he's bigger,
He's ever so bright
And he sleeps through the night
And of our two, I'd say mine is bigger.
I swear it's the truth
Mine's cutting a tooth
And he's obviously going to be tall.
No, it's hard to explain,
Now I've looked at your Wayne,
Why you bothered to have one at all.

I had this with a family member. Our DCs had a four week age gap. Their DC always had to be the first to do anything, anything, just bloody everything, always. It didn't bother me, until DC spoke his first word and I excitedly shared it. They said 'oh but he wasn't actually SAYING anything, was he?' YES HE BLOODY WELL WAS. It wasn't babbling, it was a clear WORD in response to what I was saying to him.

OP, you'll never win with them. I promise you that. Whatever you do, you'll never win. Do something entirely different to them? 'oh, we don't like that approach' Say you've researched something & come to a conclusion on what's best for you & DC? 'We didn't feel that was right, actually'. Your DC has got to a milestone ahead of theirs? 'DS prefers to communicate with us via writing now that he's had his 18 month checks'. Just fucking laugh at them. It all evens out in the end. I quite honestly couldn't tell you which of my 16yos friends were first to be weaned, crawl, speak, or address the House of Lords (but I DO know how fucking irritating it is to have your child constantly put down. They did it with my DD too, even though there was no other child of theirs in direct competition)