So fed up with myself

[PatsyDahling]

As title says really. I'm fat. I eat too much. I drink too much. Im lazy. I fall into ruts very easily and find it hard to get out of them. With lockdown it's been worse.

I feel bored and frustrated and want to change my bad habits but I just can't. Every Sunday I'll make plans for the week ahead - no drinking, no snacking, try and get outside and do a bit. But I never do.

Im stuck in a dead end job but don't know how to get out of it. Want to retrain but have no conviction in myself or any concrete ideas about what to do next. I just really really dislike myself. I have nothing to feel proud about and I can't stand the way I look.

drchatterjee.com/feel-better-in-5/

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Sounds like a week is to big a bite and maybe you are trying to make too many changes at once. A small bit at a time like tomorrow you will go for a 20 minute walk, then tomorrow think about Monday.
I tend to be someone who focuses on the things I haven't managed over lockdown I tried to retrain myself to focus on what I did achieve rather than what I didn't. So today I did get the lights washing done and dried despite the rain.

I think that introducing tiny baby steps that are sustainable at first is a good idea. For example, the first little change that I did was I stopped putting sugar in my coffee and walked an extra bus stop or 2. It made a big difference to my frame of mind so I was then more open to bigger changes and I liked how well I was starting to feel.

Find a small thing to change at first and don't expect results immediately. Small achievements lead to greater self esteem and self belief which leads feeling more committed to making good choices for yourself (I hope thay doesn't sound to hippy-dippy.)

YOU aren't alone. Life is such crap right now. I was doing pretty OK between New Years and lock down, after a really bad year last year. But I have been basically a bump on a log since lockdown began.

When I have improved, it has been concentrating on one thing. Not big plans to fix everything. Just little plans like 'will walk every morning' or 'will track food to keep my diet plan happening' .

I will admit, keeping the kitchen clean so we don't die of food poisoning is my only real accomplishment lately. I can't even make myself decide on a 'one thing' goal, just feed people, clean it up and hang out on line. Currently I am bouncing between about 6 different apps and games and sites 3 different devices. I began lockdown by devotedly reading ebooks all hours of the day, but now I can't even concentrate on one such distraction at a time!

I probably am guilty of expecting results immediately. Last week I made the effort to walk each lunchtime and had big ideas of it making me feel great and revitalised and not wanting to drink in the evening because I was so energised. But when that didn't happen I just thought why bother then and stopped.

I've focused a lot on alcohol because I felt like there must be a reason why I'm feeling so crap and maybe it's alcohol which is associated with low mood and lethargy. But again, when I drink I'm not much better. There are anxiety issues too.

I just feel like I can't break these unhealthy habits. I feel I'm operating on about 20% of my potential because I'm just fat and lazy and demotivated. But I want to do better and I don't know how :(

first time I went to the gym I spent all day feeling I should be fit and slim now

It's really hard when you don't get results, especially if you've read inspirational blogs and novels where the protagonist makes one simple change and suddenly everything starts falling into place... (in Real Life no, you're not going to run a marathon six months after first buying a pair of trainers, even if you've got divorced and found a fantastic job on the way)

you have to summon up enough determination to get over the hump of Not Happened Yet.

Ideally, it will eventually stop being the thing you do to make fabulous changes and just become part of your set of habits, at which point you think of the next thing that might make fabulous changes.

I have recently realised that actually, yes, I do respond to an accountability thread. (It's a little disappointing because I thought I didn't need that sort of thing: quite why I thought this when I'm all about the external validation I really don't know.) If there's not one in the health section already you could maybe start one, or join the newly-created Flylady followers' weight-loss thread.

Also, find something to think about caring for your body which doesn't prompt negative emotions - massage your little toe or something. So many of us have become so detached from our physical selves that we see them as the Enemy, to be beaten into submission and punished, and we need to get back to feeling properly part of our bodies again.