To think my DB needs get his act together

[username5969382]

I feel abit guilty writing this about my brother but it's frustrating me and I wonder if I'm being harsh.
From the age of 16 till now age 38 he has worked full time and never had to pay any bills. He lived between my parents house and a friend of his until he was 24. Then he met his girlfriend and moved in with her. She is 9 years older than him already had her own house. For some reason he never contributed to the mortgage or utility bills. The only things he seemed to help pay for was food or decorative items.
A couple of times I questioned why doesn't he buy half the house off his girlfriend or maybe buy another house together. He always brushed it off and said he couldn't afford to. It not being my business obviously never pressed it.
Two months ago she kicked him out and he has gone back to our parents house, again he is not contributing or paying them rent. Today I went round and in conversation asked him what his long term plan was. He got all defensive when I asked has he not got any savings to buy a house or start to rent his own place. It turns out he is actually in over £20000 worth of debt. I was abit firm with him and basically said he needs to get his act together. He has had a full time salary with no bills for over 20 years and has nothing to show for it. My mum (I hate to say this as we are very close) facilitates his attitude and says yes but he only earns a small salary (£25000). I realised I was getting nowhere so dropped the conversation. I think my actual worry is if I'm being completely honest is what happens if something happens to our parents. I worry he will turn up on my doorstep expecting rent free accommodation. AIBU? Am I a horrible person?
I think I should add I'm not judging from a rich perspective. I probably have a lot less surplus money than my DB after all my bills/mortgage/childcare.

You really need to mind your own business. His finamcial affairs of finamcial agreements with anyone including your parents is absolutely none of your business. When something happens to your parents he will need to figure it out. You are not obliged to house him

I think my actual worry is if I'm being completely honest is what happens if something happens to our parents. I worry he will turn up on my doorstep expecting rent free accommodation

You don't have room for him, or if you do, you can offer him a room for slightly less than the local rate for a lodger, as it would really help you out, as you're a bit short for X reason and he's obviously got plenty of disposable income, what with him having around £1500 pm coming in and not much going out.

OTOH, he must have a serious drug/alcohol/spending/gambling habit to be in that amount of debt despite working full time with next to no outgoings. His GF will have kicked him out for one of these reasons, chances are he's wasted a load of her money too and he'll currently be working out how to waste your parent's money. Stand firm and don't let him waste yours too.

If you want to help him, find out why he's in debt and signpost him towards the appropriate help, but do not give him help or free accommodation.

I think that perhaps if it comes up again, you should make it very clear that the Bank of Mum and Dad might be open, but the Bank of Sister isn't, and never will be, so if he runs out of them, he needs to have a bridge in mind to sleep under.

I think my actual worry is if I'm being completely honest is what happens if something happens to our parents. I worry he will turn up on my doorstep expecting rent free accommodation

Unless their house/savings is used up for care fees etc, they may well leave most of it to him, as he "needs" it - you said your Mum is a facilitator.
Make it clear you won't be taking him in.

Both my brothers were absolutely shit with money and were lucky to have my mum bail them out at times (as did my father when they were still at school). She did redress the balance in her will so it was equal between all of us from her inheritance.
One seems to have grown up and realised that he's only got himself to rely on now and is much, much better. The other, however, is still irresponsible and lifestyle is more important than long term security. He won't get any help from me as it's entirely of his own making.
It's bloody frustrating but, for the most part, I just keep quiet. I wouldn't get anywhere talking to him because he's right and knows what he's doing 🤷‍♀️🙄

I thought you were going to say you were worried if anything happened to your parents he would expect their house to become his otherwise he would be 'homeless'

If he stays at your parents a long time he will expect to be given the house.

Ask his ex why he has the debt. He won't ever give you a straight answer. He's having a pity party