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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice needed

9 replies

xyz1000 · 25/07/2020 16:38

My son of 22years was living at home until a few weeks before the lockdown. He then disappeared and later in the week said he was away working. His employer was paying for digs.
He become quite distant and there was no phone calls and a month later I asked him if he could do a zoom meeting for a Birthday he said he would need to check what the other colleagues are doing. We were in lock down by now.
I found his behaviour odd so started to do some checking I checked out the place he said he was staying by phoning, and found out he couldn’t be there , I said this to him. He went mad and said he no longer wants a relationship.
I just find his behaviour bizarre he has never been like this before just cutting family off. He has very little contact with his Granparents either I have reached out to a cousin to message him. He replied but stopped talking once she asked what he has been up to . Not mentioning he is away. It’s like he has been taken over by some cult ..... I just don’t know what to do Or if there is anything I can do .... any advice please

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 25/07/2020 17:15

Is he or has he ever been on drugs? Do you know his employer? He may not even be working anymore of his employer may be dodgy?

Cheesecakejar · 25/07/2020 17:22

This does sound worrying for you, can you track his phone at all? I wouldn't let him know you have done any digging/investigating in the future as this will make him back off further. The only thing i really think you can do right now is send a supportive message saying you don't want to lose your relationship etc and you are always there for him. Don't ask any further questions and hopefully he comes to you and eventually let's you know what is going on. I'm not playing down how worried you will be though, I would be too, I really hope he is ok and let's you know what's going on soon Flowers

xyz1000 · 25/07/2020 17:55

Never been on drugs that I know of. His employer is based in our home town. I think they are ok.
I have no idea how to track someone”s phone. Is that even possible if he pays the bill himself? I think he is ok he says he is in his message to my cousin a few days ago.
It is just the not knowing where he is or who he is with. If he is ever going to come back here or even talk to us again that is upsetting. I appreciate your messages .

OP posts:
Spied · 25/07/2020 18:00

How worrying.
My first thought was that he's gotten mixed up in drugs and/or owes money and is paying off his debt.
My second thought was that he's lost his job and is caught up in some dodgy dealings.
My third thought was that he's living with a partner you- for whatever reason- know nothing about? A boyfriend?

Timeforabiscuit · 25/07/2020 18:05

Do you know any of his friends, does he have hobbies or regular haunts?

If it's a very dramatic change if behaviour, for no obvious reason I can see why your worried.

The only thing would be to step right back, but then do a monthly/fortnightly text message to very breezily say what's going on with you, with no onus on him to respond and occasional invites to meet for coffee in a neutral venue. Until he opens up as to what is actually going on.

xyz1000 · 25/07/2020 18:28

He is in London so 100 miles away home at the moment or so I think?
I could contact his employer and I could contact friends but this is all likely to get back to him . I don’t want to annoy him more pushing him further away. I have thought about it. many times as I am not even sure if the company are paying for him to work 100 miles away from their base. Although he would be home working still. He could do that from home. It’s so confusing.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 25/07/2020 18:47

Does he have a girlfriend or boyfriend maybe and think you wouldn’t approve for some reason?

LouiseTrees · 25/07/2020 18:47

What is it he actually does as a job roughly? Might help with ideas

xyz1000 · 25/07/2020 19:22

This was my original thoughts ..... a girl. He works in business administration the company sell PPE first aid kits ect.

OP posts:
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