AIBU to think that many mumsnetters are actually nice people and would never be as rude or judgemental to someone's face as they are in here?

[caroloro]

Exactly that.

It's typical online life vs offline life. Not just a mumsnet thing.

Yes, I agree they wouldn't do the same but don't agree the offline life is their true/full self and they're actually nice people.

I think you mean nice to your face. Anyone who is only rude/mean where people can't see them and judge them is truly rude and mean (and also has the capacity to be nice. We all have different facets). They're just socialised to not be offline or are afraid of judgement themselves.

Yes it's true.

But it's the Internet.

They aren't nice people they are just braver on here.

It's a self-perpetuating thing really because there's a culture where rudeness is seen as witty and clever (the media does this too - think of the rude old lady stereotype e.g Violet Crawley), and users pick up on it. It's very easy to be influenced into a certain way of speaking to people, online or in real life, when you spend enough hours of the week reading it. Really adults can be no better than teenagers when it comes to peer pressure in many ways.

They aren't nice people they are just braver on here.

This I'm afraid 😨

@MargotB7 you hit the nail on the head

I think quite a number of horrible, selfish and bitter people hide behind a nice person veneer

We all have dark thoughts at times

The number of people that claim to call out ism’s yet I have very very rarely seen this unless in some form of debate yet many in here doing it all the time regardless of he situation. I have even been told off for not doing so myself

And then there are those that act out really aggressively I very much doubt this happens but can be amusing to read

In real life people often don't want to know what you think. They want you to think what they want you to think and to do what they want you to do. So you do/say the expected thing to avoid arguments.

When people post on MN, and in AIBU in particular they should expect more honesty and directness. It is very varied per board. Some boards are there as support, and people will still say they think you are wrong, but in a nice way. AIBU is set up for direct and robust exchange of views, so unless it is clear a poster is particularly vulnerable this is what they will be more likely to get.

Nah, I'd imagine they're the same in RL.

We've had a few ahem middle aged ladies at work who have literally been vile to try and deal with. They seemed to have pure venom seeping out of their pores and I was the target . Had it on here a few fair times too

In real life, people generally do not ask for help with e.g. their dp having an affair or looking at images of 15yo girls.

Things get discussed on here because people are anonymous. Advice offered needs to be honest or what is the point?

The comments I make are what I would think in RL if the same topic was raised.

Why do they think people are less "judgmental" in real life? Do you think MN posters invent things for the fun of it? I don't.

People on here will tell you exactly what they think. Of course they won't tell you in real life - can you imagine yourself telling your neighbour/boss/colleagues/MIL what you actually think of them? What would be the point of that?

On MN, you have the version usually saved for your partner or your friends, whilst you keep a politically correct attitude, and at best try to express the same idea but in a very diplomatic way. Or what people bitch about behind your back.

You do also have very bitter people who tell you what they wish they had the guts to say but never will, that's true.

For most people, they just are polite but they don't think any less.

There's nothing brave in being very negative and "telling things how they are" in real life. It's usually unwanted. In MN, if people start a thread, they want to know... so they get their answer. Many don't like it!

I have a newish in law type person who I always think seems like one of the weird rigid, overly hygienic mumsnetter types, I honestly didn’t think people like that existed IRL until meeting that one 🤣

Yes most of them are “nice” people in real life.

But theyre not necessarily kind. Their niceness is due to social pressure to conform as a girl and it’s not stemming from a desire to be nice all the time.

Whixh is why they come explode disproportionally on here when there isn’t that pressure at the slightest opportunity.

I’m real life that would’ve translated into passive aggressive behaviour.

Lesson is, not every nice person is kind

It's hard to say. I see an awful lot of people being accused of being nasty on here and told they must be kind when the only thing they have done is disagree with someone else, or tell a poster that they think she has not, in fact, been very nice herself. It's not that often that I see something spectacularly nasty, although that does happen.

The whole 'mumsnet is nasty' thing goes back to social pressure anyway. The idea that as women and moreover as mothers, it should be our role to appease other people and 'be kind'. Anyone who thinks Mumsnet is nasty clearly hasn't been on Twitter where mildly disagreeing with someone else's political viewpoint will get a woman death threats and threats to rape her children. I've never seen that happen on Mumsnet.

In real life, the vast vast majority of people that I interact with are pleasant and considerate. I'd imagine Mumsnetters are pretty similar to the people I meet in real life.

There's also A LOT of jealousy that people are too ashamed to express in real life.

It doesn't matter if it's about money/well paid job/ holidays/ healthy body... look at the bitter posts on here, it's obvious the posters will never be vocal in real life and admit how miffed they are you have more than they do. (On MN, everyone who earns more than you tends to be one of the RICH )

They aren't nice people they are just braver on here

Absolutely this.

They aren't nice people they are just braver on here

I disagree, there's nothing brave on being brutally honest and not keeping your cool. If you think one of your employees is absolutely stupid and useless... you can't and you shouldn't tell him in real life. It doesn't mean you don't think it and you won't vent to your partner about it.

What would be brave about telling someone that their kids are feral little brats and you never want them in your house ever again? You just politely find excuses to avoid seeing them ever again, no need to start a war or a fight, what would be the point?

isabellerossignol

Excellent post. I agree with you completely. An awful lot of posters expect complete agreement and anything other than that is lauded as mean. Women do not have to be nice to everyone all the time!

apparently they do. If you dare having an unpopular opinion on a thread, you are immediately called "a man".

I think you're probably right in general.

Me personally? I can be a snippy twat on here sometimes. But then, I can be a snippy twat in real life too. I really try not to say anything on here that I wouldn't say in real life.

Im pretty much the opposite ..generally

I try very very hard to be nice on here, words on a screen you can’t take back and I’m mortified if I upset someone

In real life not so much...but i agree, some posters on here say things im posItive they wouldnt say to someones face...

pretty much what nicelegs said, i try not to say things on here I wouldn’t say to your face

Flip side but are some of the dramatic posters as incandescent with rage, appalled, disgusted etc as they claim to be in their posts in real life? Some of the situations people here get their knickers in a twist over are quite frankly laughable - pathetic in some cases.

Mmm, not sure. You might be a tad more assertive on here, but generally I reckon if you are horrible on-line then you are probably horrible in RL too.

What MargotB7 said.

People can’t air their judgements in real life without breaching diplomatic etiquette.

I’ve never bought into this idea that the internet makes people nastier. I think most of these are views people don’t feel able to articulate in day to day life and this (or another forum) gives them an outlet under cover of anonymity.

No, I think most of them are exactly as they come across.