to hope you will be braver than I was and report current abuse in gymnastics

[edpen]

Am I being unreasonable to hope that you will all be braver than I was and report the abuse in gymnastics that I was too scared to?
I speak to you as an ex-gymnastics parent and one that now has to carry a lot of guilt about what I allowed to happen to my children in gymnastics. Much of what happened I didn’t know about, but deep down the stuff I did know about felt wrong. Sadly, what happens in many gyms is simply child abuse and I hate to tell you that it can have life-long debilitating effects. My 18-year-old daughter for example, recently had a PTSD flashback to something that happened when she was about 10. It came out of the blue and was absolutely terrifying.

Children often start gym really young so the culture sort of creeps up on you. Somehow, despite initial misgivings, we are convinced by the coach we trust and that our child might even appear to love, that their brand of tough coaching is what’s needed to succeed. The truth is that it isn’t. Good coaching develops the mind and body and builds children up, not knocks them down.

If you are a gym parent, of any discipline, ask yourself if you recognise any of these behaviors? Is there shouting? Name calling? Fat shaming? Are they angry when children are sick or injured? Are children scared to tell coaches if they are in pain? Are children punished for making mistakes like given extra conditioning? Are children often in tears? Are the children scared at all? Are they overstretched, or overtrained? Are they disbelieved when they say they’re in pain? Does it seem like the coach is playing mind games? Are the children or adults nervous to speak freely?

My list could go on and one, ultimately ask yourself this…is there anything happening to your children or to others that wouldn’t be allowed in school or that sometimes makes you wince? If your answer is ‘yes’ there is something wrong.

It shouldn’t be like this and doesn’t have to be like this. I also know that it can feel scary to report especially if your kids love their gym. But you need to act now for them and for others if only to let people know there is a wider problem in BG. While I did eventually report it was long after I should have done. Thankfully now there is a safer way. Please call the new British Athlete Commission/NSPCC hotline. The number is confidential and has nothing to do with BG so it can’t be traced back to you. Even if you are not sure if what’s going on is abuse, call them and the trained staff will offer support and guidance.

TEL: 0800 056 0566 8am-10pm on weekdays and 9am-6pm on weekends

britishathletes.org/2020/07/20/bac-and-nspcc-launch-helpline/

@Ashdownstar thanks for your support. Decisions are not always easy but please know that you made the right one for your children. The reason your children didn't have the opportunity to achieve their potential in the sport was that their coaches were abusive. Keeping them in the sport could have broken them to the point that they might never have achieved their full potential in anything. They have a lot to learn from your brave example.

@Rainbow12e how awful! What a horrible environment. I hope you or they make a report.

You are not being unreasonable. When my daughter competed, she would tell us she loved it and it was her life. She loved her coach, and never wanted to leave her gym.

But she was being abused. At the time she told us it was hard, told us that her coach was picking on her, or calling her fat, but then it would all come right - he coach would tell us our daughter was amazing, and then she would win gold and everything was great.

Then our daughter would have an injury, and we would tell the coach and ask her to go easy. But after the session she would report that the coach was harder on her than usual.

After many years of this, and after having been manipulated into leaving - despite success at world, European and British - we finally realized it was abuse. And our daughter acknowledged that she had been "ruined" by gym.

We look back and ask ourselves what we could have done. And we asked our daughter the same thing. She says to us "you couldn't have done anything" I loved it so much and was so dependent on my coach for everything, I never would have let you make me stop or say anything against my coach.

What I wish we had been able to do is report anonymously, and somehow encourage others to do so. If all of us had been able to say what exactly was happening, then there would have been enough to at least give the coach some 'guidance' on how to be a better coach.

@PenelopeDe It is really hard. Often you have no idea about what is going on because your child won't tell you firstly because they think a lot of it as normal (even if it upsets them) but also because they don't want you to take them away from their sport and what are often their only friends. Many abused gymnasts even 'love' their coach because they are so well manipulated and controlled. It is not too late to report though. The BAC/NSPCC helpline is both trying to prevent current abuse but very much also collecting 'historic' information to try an build a big picture including developing an understanding of why people don't report. Please think about contacting them, it could really help, especially if the coaches are still coaching. Someone else may have complained about them and your evidence could support them.

@PenelopeDe and your point about better coach education is vital. Many coaches are ex abused gymnasts who know no other way. Positive coaching is a skill that needs to be taught and learned and supported from the top.

@Rainbow12e Oh wow, thank her please. I hope that reporting it brings some comfort after the initial trauma of having to talk about it. Many ex-gymnasts secretly struggle with mental health problems which they think are because of their own weakness (because that is what their gymnastics coach taught them) and it can take time to realise that they were actually damaged by their coach and they were the strong one for having coped for as long as they did.

It might be worth other parents knowing that parents can also report to the helpline even if the child is now over 18. Some options for action may be limited for older cases but the information is still invaluable and could help protect others. If in doubt, call.

Gymgirl0 Your post stood out as being quite uncomfortable for me to read. While you’re girls have said they enjoy it, some of the things you wrote sound extremely unpleasant. You’ve said your daughters have been slapped, pinched, training on a fractured back, conditioned until they couldn’t walk. Surely this is just too much for a hobby, even if they are on the elite track? Do you not worry about what effect this might have on them in later life?