6 year old and her mobile phone

[VickiVirago]

I'm really in a quandary here. My ex has a new girlfriend. I've known her for a few years and I like her. So far so good.

My ex then gave my dd a mobile phone. It belongs to his gf and supposedly it's only her who knows the code to the phone.

I'm not happy that my dd has a mobile as she is only 6. I have never stopped him from video calling my phone to speak with her so I didnt see the need. Not yet anyway as she is too young.

I asked for the code to the phone so I could monitor what calls she received, to be told that the phone is locked so noone can ring her unless they know the number. Now tell me if I'm wrong, but there is no such thing as a secure number.

This has soured the relationship between my ex and me (we split when I became disabled and had to move into my parents bungalow).

Am I being completely unreasonable in asking for the code?

Also, he arranged to take my dd out of school in September to take her on holiday. I was completely bypassed.

What would you do? Help!!!

You can't stop her having a phone when she's with her dad but you can when she's with you. If I were you, I'd take the phone off her as soon as she gets home, switch it off and put it in a drawer.

Why would a 6 year old need a mobile phone? It's absolutely ridiculous. If she wants to call or text her dad then she can use your mobile.

You don’t let the phone come to your house. Just say it’s up to him what he does but you think she is too young for a phone and won’t be allowing it while with you. Have the school given permission for a holiday in September?

Take it off her when she's with you. He's being ever so irresponsible, especially making arrangements with her without discussing with you.

They haven't agreed it as it's more than 10 sessions so I'll be getting a fine, even though I told the school I was dead against it.

Tell the school that it is out of your hands, give them his address and contact details regarding it, and refuse to have any further conversation with the school about it, as you are not a piggy to be put in the middle. Record all this for if they try to enforce the fine via court.

He seems to have trapped you into learned helplessness, hence you not seeing that 'the code' is inconsequential. You really can take things into your own hands without relying on him at all, as people have suggested

Take the phone off your child when she is in your house. Tell the school to deal with him regarding the holiday.

"Dear ex I understand the reasoning behind her phone but am unhappy about the lack of code or number being made available to me. Therefore please continue to contact dd via our iPad as her phone will be put safely away until she's in your care. Thanks"

A 6 year old with a mobile phone!!!!!!I have no words

You won’t be fined if you have not given permission.

6 is far too young for a phone, I would be really cross about it too. But the code is irrelevant, just take it off her, not in your house.

As for the holiday, I think pp's don't realise that fines for holidays are given to both parents. I'm not sure what you can do about that, hopefully someone will have some better advice. Where is he taking her? Could you refuse to hand over her passport?

Dd can have the phone when she is with her dad, but when she is with you it either stays at dads or you take it and it gets turned off and put away until she goes back to dads. There is no way I would let my preteen DD have a phone in my house that I could not supervise.

I would also want the number so that I could contact DD and would want my number programmed into it so DD could contact me.

As for the holiday - document everything. If they have dealt with your ex then you are not part of the discussion so fines cannot be issued to you. I would (if not already done) put in writing that you have nothing to do with the holiday request and any issues should be directed to your ex.

Take the phone off her and keep it in a drawer throw it in a pond Problem solved!

Your daughter. Your rules. Would love to meet a judge who would say otherwise (if it came to that).

Hold on, I've just remembered that my ex took my dd on holiday in term time once, and although I agreed he could take her, I made it clear to my dd's school it wasn't me taking her and the school said they'd put a note in to the council to only fine her father. Though he had already said he'd pay my fine if I got one.

Take the phone off your child, even if you had the code for it it wouldn’t make a mobile phone safe for a 6 year old. School will just have to deal with your ex themselves, maybe email them to confirm you have not given permission so they have it on record.

My ex wanted to buy our dd a phone. I told him that was fine but she kept it at his house. He insisted she had it at my house, so I agreed and I locked it in a draw and gave it her back when she went to his house.

Your ex is a fucking idiot.

Take the phone off your DD this time, and next time hand it back to them when your DD returns from seeing them. You don't need the responsibility of having their phone and the risk that it gets damaged or lost while at your house.

Just drop it down the toilet.

Take the phone from her when she gets back from his. Turn it off and send with her next time she goes.

Aside from the fact that she's only 6, you don't want the responsibility of ensuring that it doesn't get smashed while in your company. You don't want to end up having to fork out for repairs or replacements.

Having thought about it, how is it going to work in practice that you dont have the code?

If only your Ex and his GF have the code, how is DD supposed to use the phone when she isn't with them? If she knows the code then she should be able to tell you herself (and if she doesn't then she can't have it at your house) and if not then its useless as she won't be able to access it so she won't need to bring it to your house.

Why on earth is he doing that this year, when the start of term will be so very all over the place.

She shouldn’t have a phone that the adult taking care of her can’t access. It’s a huge safeguarding issue.

Well this has got red flags all over it. Giving a child who's too young a phone and not letting her other parent see the content of what's being sent or what photos are taken...

She's too young for a phone, for multiple reasons. Your ex needs to understand that.

Don’t rise to it, just smile and nod. Take the phone off her and give it back when she goes to Dads.

Google how to get into the phone without the code.

Then contact the schools tell them
You have nothing to do with him requesting time out of school.

A 6 year old is too young for a phone.
But I’m quite concerned they won’t let you know the code, and only his girlfriend knows. How long have they been together? You’ve said you don’t get on(your ex is a prick), do you know anything about your daughters relationship? You need to be able to monitor what’s on the phone, she’s too young for one and if she has to have one it needs heavy monitoring. You’re right, no such thing as a secure number.