Maintenance question

[WeMustDoBetter]

I have a court order in place with my ex that states that my son spends one/two nights a week and every other weekend with his dad. It very clearly states that my son ‘lives with him’ during this time.
Ex is a tightwad and also self-employed. He has therefore managed to reduce his maintenance payments to 25 pounds a month, despite earning over 100 pounds an hour. (No, the taxman is not interested so neither are the CMS.)
My son starts secondary school in September. I think that as my son lives with him for two school days a week, his dad should be responsible for providing food for him on those two days. If he was spending the day at his house, he would provide lunch. As the school is providing the lunch on his days, shouldn’t his dad pay for them? I’d be interested in opinions before I challenge him on it. So AIBU to ask his dad to pay for the lunches on the day his son lives with him?
YABU His maintenance payments should cover lunch
YANBU he should pay for the food that he eats while he is living with him, even if the school has to provide it

That's what maintenance is for surely.

Your ex gets a discount for the days he has your son because it's assumed that he will be providing on those days.

Assuming that your ex doesn't make packed lunches on those days, I predict drama and him trying to shirk payment. Don't forget that your son will be able to buy food and drinks at break too if you have this conversation with ex.

We have the situation though where DS will spend say a Wednesday night with him, go to school, spend all Thursday night with him. He lives with him during that time. If he was off school, he would need to feed him. If he was packed lunches, he would need to provide a packed lunch. But because actual money is involved, it somehow absolves him of the responsibility to feed him, even though he LIVES WITH HIM during that time, not just having contact.

He only has an obligation to pay child support, he doesn’t have to pay for extra on top unless he chooses too.

Different if 50/50 then each parent pays the costs on their time.

Suggest splitting the school dinners bill. Pay half each.
Or do Packed lunches for son and the ex will need to do them on his days.

I imagine the school will have a system where you load an account and your son spends what he likes so it would be a little difficult to provide for certain days. Would he provide a packed lunch?

But I genuinely don’t understand how providing food for your child while they are in your care and living with you, is counted as ‘extra on top?’

He only has an obligation to pay CS to OP but if he has ds Wednesday night to Friday pickup then he should pay Thursday and Friday school lunch. If it makes him feel better he'd be topping up an account that only ds could spend but the alternative is that he provides a packed lunch for Thursday and Friday.

He refuses to provide a packed lunch. DS knows this so wants school lunches.
There is an account that I would like him to put some money into regularly to cover his lunches, I wouldn’t be pernickety over what he’s eaten each day but I think he should contribute

If he is sending DS off to school in the morning he should be doing so with lunch money 'in his pocket'....if he is responsible for him over the lunch time then yes he buys lunch.
This was clear in our court order so we both know who buys what - and who school rings on what day if there is a problem.

I agree that he should contribute 2/5 based on the Wednesday night to Friday after school example that you gave. If he doesn't want to pay then he needs to provide ingredients for your son to make a packed lunch.

The costs on his days are his responsibility. Clothes food school. Everything.

Yes totally agree he should pay for his lunch on those days.

Does your ds school not have a digital account for school dinners? I top up my kids accounts from home and they pay for food with their fingerprint. I can see what they bought and how much they've spent.

Give you son lunch money for Mon-Weds. Let his dad decide how he eats on Thursday and Friday, be that a packed lunch or money.

YANBU but I'm not sure how you could force him to pay. I had a similar issue with childcare. Ex had kids one overnight per week, collecting from the childminder but refused to pay the childminder as he paid CMS calculated maintenance. When I queried it with CMS I was basically told it was down to me to pay as he paid what they said. I even asked if he changed his job so he needed more after school care, increasing the cost it would be my responsibility even if I wasn't consulted and told yes, I would have to pay the increase.

I agree it will be hard to make him pay and I wonder if it’s worth the bad will it would create. I tend to use ‘grey rock’ with him and this would definitely be like poking a bear. But it feels really unfair, particularly as I paid for all of the new school uniform today and it cost more than the entire year’s maintenance that he pays.

It is definitely unfair, probably not a battle worth wasting your energy on though 🙁

@MaskingForIt

Give you son lunch money for Mon-Weds. Let his dad decide how he eats on Thursday and Friday, be that a packed lunch or money.

If ex is determined not to pay he will send ds to school hungry and ds will end up having to call op for money.

If ex has ds on school nights he should pay for uniform at his house too.

He should pay on his days or provide a pack lunch.

He actually tells his son he won’t give him lunch?

YANBU but I sadly don’t think you have any way to force him. Arseholes like him know you won’t let your son go hungry so feel it absolves them if responsibility. The legal power behind maintenance in this country is an absolute joke.