Aibu to feel really let down by my family

[Notsurewhatsgoingon]

Hi,

I'm unwell at the moment. (feel free to read my previous thread) I'm suffering from pretty bad mental health problems.

Anyway I have come to the realisation that I don't actually have any friends or family I can call in an emergency or for help and no support network.
I want to make it clear that I am aware that I decided to have my children and they are my responsibility and I do not expect anyone to look after them.

My family members know I am unwell and off work sick. They also know that my dh is working away and I am home alone with my children, one of which has sen and medical needs and is currently physically unwell and receiveing treatment.

I have had no contact from anyone, my phone is silent all the time, I don't receive contact from anyone. No one has offered to look after my children for even one hour so I can get a break.

I have reached out and made the first move with a couple of people I would like to have as friends and so have had a couple of messages back and forth but nothing more and I'm always the one to make that initial contact.

I have heard that my family are having a social distance meet up tonight (through social media) and I know my children would absolutely love to go, but I'm really struggling to get through the day at the moment and I have felt suicidal so I don't feel up to going.
Most of these family members do not have children of their own or have grown up children and could offer to take my children and give me some peace but they haven't. In fact no one has contacted me for weeks. Would they even know if I was alive for goodness sake.

Again I don't expect people to give up chunks of their time for children who are not theirs but I admit to feeling let down in my hour of need. I feel very lonely. I'm with children 24/7 alone with no adult company.

When I go out with my children I often see mums with their mums or sisters or even friends on days out or at the park etc and I'm always alone just me and the kids and it does hurt, I'd love to have company on days out.

I will also add that I have been there for family in the past, emotionally, financially and physically and I am usually the one to keep in touch and arrange to see them, I go to their houses and no one has even been to mine in the 5 years I have lived here. I would always be there in their time of need and have been a shoulder to cry on in the past so it's not me being one sided.

Things being closed means I'm unlikely to be able to make new friends right now and I feel a bit too unwell to do that at the moment anyway.

Does anyone lack a support network? How do you deal with that? How do you move on from the hurt it causes? Do you have practical ways you cope?

Re the immediate situation, maybe they think you are really Covid anxious and don’t want the kids around anyone else. Have you outright asked any of them if they could do you a favour and take the kids? Re the wider point I have some coping strategies which I’ll post soon, baby started crying mid post

Thanks for the reply. They know I'm not concerned about covid. I have worked out the home throughout and my children have attended childcare. Obviously I'm conscious of the vulnerable and not a twat about it but they know I would be happy with the kids going out or to others houses especially now. I made that clear from the beginning of lock down. Plus know they don't mind either.

I have in the past asked for a babysitter but they have been reluctant so I stopped asking and feel like I'm putting on people. In the past I have had to ask way in advance, bring my children to their homes in their pj's and pick them up as soon as they wake up for very few (3) overnights my children have had and day time care has often been a no or literally for less than an hour in an absolute desperate situation.
I feel like if I was in their shoes and I knew my family member was unwell and alone 24/7 with children then I would reach out and try my best to help them. But I realise that all people are different.

Have you been honest with your DH about just how low and overwhelmed you are?

I don’t think it’s your families responsibility to have the children, I think you need to talk to your DH as it’s obvious his working away isn’t working for you.

You could look for a local childminder, many are open again.

I think you also need to speak to your DH.
You choose to have children, rather unreasonable to expect them to take them even though it’s shit. Sorry OP.

Just on the issue of the get together tonight, I would directly message the family and say 'is it ok if DC1 and DC2 come, I'm staying in with DC3 who's not well but they'd like to get out for a change'. Are they old enough to go without you, maybe if you do drop off and/or pick up? I think it's worth asking more directly for the sake of the kids, and then looking for better friends as a longer term thing.

Your right it's not their responsibility. I suppose I just feel like I would want to help out if it was one of my loved ones.

Dh does know how bad I feel and did offer to take some leave but I asked him not to do that as he is the main earner in our house and his work are making most of the staff redundant and he thinks he will be one of two who is kept on but I'd be worried to rock the boat with that. He has had lots of leave recently due to our child's medical issues.

I just need to pull myself together as I usually do when I'm ill, physically or otherwise.

I get you. Just because you don’t expect family help doesn’t mean it would be nice to have some. I too look at mothers and daughters together and would love to have a mum who wanted to spend time with me and my children. Unfortunately she doesn’t. It’s taken my whole life to finally come to terms with the fact that she just doesn’t want the typical mother daughter relationship with me and it’s really sad. I do however have a great relationship with my own children and would always offer help and support even if it’s not asked for. Sometimes it would be nice if a family member just offered help or emotional support. Not because they have to but because the want to x

It’s meant to say ‘doesn’t mean it WOULDN’T be nice’ in the first bit of my message!

Unfortunately they are not old enough to be dropped of and would need supervision.
I do see how that is unfair to expect anyone to do. It would make their evening harder.

I think I am also missing the company of others and it would be nice to have someone to talk to or share a walk to the park with for example. Like I say I see other mums out with family and I'd quite like that.

@Helpmyhair2019 thats how I feel. You saud it right.

I 100% know that in the future if my children ever have children of their own I will offer to help them whenever and I will want to be in their life and spend time with them.

I mean yes people have their own lives to live, but what is life really for if its not spending time with and being there for your loved ones?

Could you not try and take the kids to the family thing? I know it's hard when you feel so shit but sometimes that's exactly when you should do it. You might enjoy it but even if it's not the most fun night of your life, at least there'll be other people to fuss over and distract the DC.