Ex controlling money - please advise

[Ratherbesleeping20]

We have one DC. We had the agreement that he pays £60 p/w maintenance (he is paid weekly) and we split some costs by half - like DC bedroom furniture, school uniform ETC.

We have been on and off a couple of times since DC was born - and we have been trying to work things out this year, but have had issues with him acting suspiciously around his phone, amongst other things which make me doubt he is being entirely loyal to me. Either way, I just don’t want to be in a relationship with him or ‘try’.

The issue is he controls contact with DC and money every time I try and speak about the fact I don’t want to work things out between us. He usually refuses to engage in the conversation, is quite rude, and often storms off and drops out of his next contact time with DC. For example, I tried speaking to him yesterday (he was meant to have DC yesterday PM and all day today) and he stormed off and I haven’t heard a word from him - so I’ve had to cancel work I was meant to be doing today due to lack of childcare

He seems to want me trapped in this horrible limbo, where we aren’t together but he wants access to mine and DC’s home and wants to essentially play happy families at his convenience, while essentially having the freedom of a single, child free man when he feels like it.

So AIBU to ask for advice on how to handle this? I really don’t want to be in a relationship with him - ideally I’d want set times we each have DC, and for us to only be in contact regarding DC. Whenever I put this boundary down and stick to it, he usually fucks around with contact timings, is often late with providing the money we agreed, and is generally as difficult and unpleasant as possible. I hate to admit that it makes me think it’ll be easier to just go along with us ‘trying’ to make life easier and avoid the financial strain. But I guess that’s exactly what he intended me to feel! this situation is really starting to get me down.

He also owes me around £300 from when he missed payments when he was between jobs - he was meant to be giving that to me within the next few days, now I’m worried he isn’t going to give it anymore..

I advise you to speak with a solicitor about your rights. Refer him to the cms if needed, don't rely on any arrangements between the two of you. Can you work more or pay for childcare? Try to make yourself as self sufficient as possible so you don't rely on him for anything

www.gov.uk/making-child-maintenance-arrangement

I’ve had a Cms case open for years - the amount they calculated was incredibly low and they didn’t manage to get anything from him. I’ve given up with them a bit

Ah ok
Try to be as financially independent as you can
Do you have a formal contact arrangement in place? Basically stop trying to reach any reasonable agreement with him because he's shown you that he isn't reasonable

Can't the CMS deduct directly from his wage? Even if its less than £60 at least its guaranteed.
Maybe arrange for him to pick dd up the day before you're due at work, and if he doesn't then have a backup plan of possible.
Change the lock, don't allow him access to your home (assuming he's not on the mortgage)
Play hard ball with the fucker, either he sticks to contact time or he doesn't see her at all.

I never relied on ex for money or childcare, the childminder got paid a full time place, (then full-time holidays and wrap around). It should not have to be like this but the reduction in my stress levels was well worth it, if you are at all able to do this, I highly recommend it.