School uniform and sweating

[Goingprivate2020]

Aibu to choose a school based on it having a white shirt/top as part of the uniform? The Academically best school Here has a blue shirt: utterly unforgiving for sweat stains. My husband and i are both sweaty, not often at a standing start but both of us in heat (over 24/25) and Exercise. More than most. I also sweat with nerves if I’m scared.. Kids are already quite sweaty too (at ten, one already has smelly pits without deodorant in the heat and had a sweaty back after riding with tight back protector on after a hot riding lesson this week).

I have always had to dress according to sweat. I know it’s tricky and when it’s hot I don’t wear certain colours. Certainly not grey or blue where sweat would show. I didn’t start sweating excessively until I was well into adulthood but had white school shirts so wouldn’t have been very conscious anyway. I am starting to think that an academically less impressive school with a whits top would be better holistically than an educational lifetime worrying about sweat at a formative stage of development. It could affect their confidence, distract them academically, be Acutely embarrassing. Aibu? Wwyd?

Could you go with whichever school suits your child best with the option on an additional shirt which the child of needed and they felt was necessary could change half way through the day? We don't have warm enough weather for this to be a problem all year so at peak times they could carry w spare shirt in their bag and change over at lunchtime if they felt the need. I know you are not discussing this with them but I guess you would need to try and make them aware to it without passing on your own insecurities, a difficult task.

@Daffodilsforspring - thank you. You have been there too. So you’d bin the ‘blue’ school and go for the others?

Fwiw my kids are bright. They’ll do well anywhere. It’s just that once you start looking you see the gloss on top: wider curriculum, better facilities, whole afternoons to ‘enrichment’, the benefits to bright kids of being around and stimulated by other bright kids.

But I am all too aware that this is not always ‘best’, in a variety of ways.

@Goingprivate2020 I fully hear you. It is extreme though to consider schools in this context. Definitely work out the sweating thing through your GP. I'd really try not to make a big deal out of it - if they get anxious about it then they will sweat more so don't pre empt them. You said yourself how it is for you but that is not their experience. Mitchum and other deodorants do work. When you talked about the back protector sweat I found that odd - have you a cultural aversion to sweat with exercise? Riding is very physical and you should be sweating if you are being instructed right!

I agree with you OP. I would seriously consider a different school. Thankfully mine was black and white so I never had this issue but I have had this issue multiple times as an adult and it's awful. I use Perspex now but only discovered it near 30, I spent a long time in black and navy.

Teenagers are cruel and I would agree that your children being unconfident or picked on would be worse for them academically than if they felt comfortable and could excel.

If the schools are both good, with one just slightly better than the other. I would chose the white shirt one

It’s not the smell: it’s the risk of a tell tale wet patch. Once it’s there, a change removes the original issue but If you carry on sweating it’s no use! And doesn’t stop an eagle eyed teenager noticing and pointing it out or my child from spotting it and being cripplingly embarrassed.

White tips do not show wet in the same way as dilutes. If you aren’t sweaty you may not appreciate this but it is fact. I will happily bin tops regularly if they get yellowed,small price.

Thank you for all your comments, I’m reading them all and absorbing (no pun intended!)

Mad typing: white tops do not show sweat in the same way as colours.

@Jakey056 I suppose I’ve always been aware of sweating and others don’t seem to sweat as much even when exercising! Would any ten year old with a back protector on get sweat patches in a hot ride? I don’t know. It was a hard lesson as her horse was lazy and hot and perhaps as others suggest I am over anxious and overthinking.

But the mortification is extreme and I want to protect my kids from it.

My dd used to come off at the end of her lesson wringing wet. Her back and her head were soaked.

That’s normal. (She started riding lessons at 4)

Yes it’s a good idea. Children are nasty to each other, and whilst having sweat patches shouldn’t be pointed out it will be. It will be souls destroying for that child.

I get it, I really suffered from sweaty pits as a teenager. At my school at the time, uniform was quite lax, but it was fashionable to wear really fitted school shirts and we could wear blue, white or grey. I remember my mum buying me some quite pricey blue ones and I was mortified when I started getting sweaty patches.

I avoided certain clothes and colours for most of my teens and used to wear big hoodies in hot weather to hide the sweat patches (seems stupid in retrospect....) until I started trying medicated deodorants (without my mum knowing, I was too embarrassed to mention it). They worked so well and made me feel much better and more confident. I don’t use them now and don’t know whether it’s my Sure roll on that works wonderfully, or whether I’ve just grown out of it.

I would recommend trying the deodorants. If sweating is such an issue, it will affect more fashion choices than just the school uniform.

@Goingprivate2020 Its absolutely normal to sweat riding. Both my kids ride competitively and they reek after competition but they know that sweating is a normal thing and a natural thing. They shower and apply deodorant. I really think you are over thinking this. I get the fact you want to protect your kids feelings but this is very much viewed through your lens of what happened to you. We cannot protect our kids from everything but neither can we give them pre emptive anxiety about things we found difficult. Our job is to give them the ability to regulate and respond emotionally. So I'd not be making any more big deals about this. Sweating on a horse is completely natural - I had to say it again!

You are projecting your own anxiety around this on your child’s school future. She could start the school and they could change the uniform after a year, what would you do then move her?

Thanks @Jakey056, I hear you.

@LtJudyHopps, uniform won’t change, it’s been the same for years.

I’m very interested in counter views though, whether that worry should trump an otherwise ‘better’ (academically) school

It's ridiculous to suggest a different school uniform is any reason to choose a school.

@MintyMabel, whilst I’m happy to hear counter views, reasoning is helpful rather than insults.

You clearly have no concept of the issue, or you’d wind in your ridiculous comment. Is it really ridiculous to want to protect your kids from acute embarrassment, if you can, and there is little or no kickback? I don’t think so. I’d walk over hot coals to protect them from unnecessary pain.

Wind in your ‘ridiculous’ comment - not saying your comment is ridiculous.

But it is ridiculous reasoning. Instead of going to the doctor and investigating solutions, or trying different deodorants, you're determined there will be an issue, they will be bullied, and choosing their school based on the colour of the shirt.

When for a start sweat shows on a white shirt and second. If they’re going to be bullied, the bullies will find something. You will obviate this risk but something else will get them bullied, potentially. Big nose. Glasses. Wrong sort of socks. Or bag. Or hair too blonde. Or freckles.

Better to teach them to half self confidence than try to mitigate every single thing. You’ll drive yourself mad

*have

People who don't get it, don't get it, OP.

No need to keep explaining. When you live your life considering every clothing item for whether it will show instant sweat patches, you understand.

Look, if it's a secondary school with a blazer, it won't be a problem. Kids almost never remove their blazers in school because they're like a comfort blanket with all their pens in and - past year 7 - girls and boys don't like showing their bodies to others.

I think you might be overthinking - but not for the reasons everyone else says.

I kind of see where you're coming from but I think you're trying to protect them too much. Get them some specialist deodorant, a spare shirt in their bag.

Instead of removing the problem, build their resilience and self esteem. If someone mentions they can see a sweat patch teach your kids to say 'so?!' And shrug it off. Bodies are amazing - sweating is a brilliant solution to overheating. It's totally natural.

If it ramps up to a bullying situation you work with the school to deal with the issue.

You can't solve all their problems for them. You can teach them to overcome things by themselves.

I would totally choose a school with a white shirt. I suffered from this through my teens and it became the bane of my life. I didn't feel I could put my hand up or put myself forward for any public speaking because the sweat patches would appear. Worrying about the sweat patches would make them appear!

It made me give up or not even start a lot of the things I would have enjoyed, singing in the choir, drama, debating club etc.

I couldn't bear to have people look at me and it really affected my self esteem. I didnt apply to any university or course that required an interview even though I was a straight A student and even though I wasnt even wearing uniform in the 6th form. I was just programmed to hide any possibility of sweaty pits. I developed back and neck ache from hunching my shoulders around to hide my pits.

I tried driclor after my mother took me to the doctor but it was agony (even following all the advice of only putting it on dry skin etc).

It took ages to get out of the mind set once I was in my first job and could completely control what I wore.

I haven't had anxiety over anything else, just this.

Weirdly working from home means I sweat a lot less - I think it's because I feel more relaxed in general, even though the sweating no longer really bothers me.

Btw I dont remember anyone ever bullying me or even mentioning it. It was my own crippling self consciousness about that one issue.

If it bothers your child (looks to me like you're the one who has a problem with is, to be honest), then you can get localised Botox. But really, don't draw your kids' attention to something you have hang-ups about