to keep 5 yo away from summer club because of germs?

[Lightheadedjugglingmum]

My 8 year old dd is attending a nice summer school near our home, but I'm so scared to send my 5 yo as she sucks her thumb and I'm terrified she'll get ill or make my parents ill.. This is all linked to COVID of course - as I never had these worries before - and I am afraid that if she's exposed to illness, she'll harm my parents who help with childcare :( My husband thinks I'm being cruel and obsessive - I found a lovely young uni student to organise art and craft play at home with my 5 yo and 3 yo dcs and ont he other days, she stays with my parents, bakes and plays in the garden. She seems happy to me and my parents are enjoying the kids' company, so I'm scared to upset this new balance after the horrible lockdown months. But DH is furious with me and we've had endless fights about this, with him accusing me of neglecting dd's education and social life. Conversely, my DPs (who are both vulnerable) have told me that they woudln't feel comfortably taking care of our kids if they were exposed to risk. I work and really need as much family support as we can get.

Fair enough for the summer holiday, but what are you going to do in the autumn when school resume, and the risks of the summer club are the same as for school (though probably with greater numbers of children in together)

Because if your parents won't do childcare at that level,of exposure, they can't do it round school either, so you need to get something in place now.

Another student might be worth it - if you have a local university and you find someone suitable who also has a timetable that means s/he's free at the right time

Your 8 year old is there anyway...i don't think you can be that worried about your vulnerable parents if you're still using them for childcare.

I can completely understand your DHs position because I agree that it’s not fair to stifle children’s education and socialisation any longer, but he has no right to be furious with you.

What else are you supposed to do if you need the childcare and your parents won’t help if you send your child to holiday club?

I can’t see how they are much less exposed by your having someone else take care of them anyway, you can’t police who your uni student is exposed to and she could easily be as exposed as anyone at holiday club. Do you really need your parents help if the student is hanging round with them on the days they’re doing childcare anyway?

I think what I don’t understand is that you and your parents are comfortable with the risk posed by your 8yo going to summer school but not your 5yo, just because she sucks her thumb. I can’t see that the risk of her catching Covid is increased that much by her sucking her thumb. So I think I’m with your DH, that does seem irrational. But if you’ve got a childcare balance that works for you then there’s no reason to upset it.

You're being ridiculous. Your child is no more likely to pick up coronavirus than anyone else in your family purely because they such their thumb. Kids touch their mouth and face all day long anyway and if your daughter happened to pick it up at holiday club she could pass it onto anyone in your family. Send your kids to holiday club and let them enjoy themselves. Mine are there and they've got much smaller bubbles and very strict guidelines to adhere to anyway.

I know - this is so tricky. My parents live nearby and we enjoy their company - they sometimes keep the kids while I shop or we pop over for lunch, not any full-time childcare - but still much appreciated as I do most of the childcare after work myself as my husband travels and works long hours..

Yes, the summer club is well-organised and small groups

@formerbabe - this is why I feel so guilty. We can't combine both summer club and visiting grandparents without worrying about this whole thing. I am wracked with guilt... which adds on to my other worries about under-performing at work, juggling everything.. the list goes on.. :(

You're not being deliberately cruel. But yes, probably obsessive.

It's just confusing that you send your eldest DC but not your youngest. I mean I don't think covid has been spread by mass thumb sucking. If you were all avoiding things and using your parents as childcare, I'd understand but it's seems a bit ott to send one but not the other based on thumb sucking.

Make your 5 year old wear a cotton glove and then she can't suck her thumb. Staff at holiday club to make sure she doesn't take it off.

I really can't see that covid is spread massively by thumb sucking.

And if your parents are doing childcare, presumably they're not that vulnerable anyway?

That said, it sounds like you've got other arrangements in place for the 5 year old that she enjoys, so I can't really see the issue or why your DH is "furious". He's clearly not got much to worry about!

Thanks for your replies. The situation has degenerated into a struggle - I am anxious to shield my parents but must let go of my kids :(

OP COVID is mostly spread person to person . If it's in the school your children stand a chance of catching it whether fingers go in mouths or not.

In your position I think you need to choose either activities or seeing parents for this summer. Our family are in the same position and our (teenage) children are foregoing work/activities for the holidays so we can visit grandparents regularly. Once they are back at school /college then they wont be visiting them til Christmas (depending on infection levels).

Should also mention that 3 out the 4 grandparents are shielding.

Sorry but it's a bit ridiculous to let the 8 year old go but not the 5 year old.
Plus the uni student will probably be out socialising loads in between looking after your child, so there is risk there.
Is your husband furious because the plan is unnecessarily complicated and expensive?