To say no to hen night

[SkinnyMalinkyLangLegs]

We were meant to be going on a hen weekend this year which got cancelled due to the pandemic. It was moved to later in the year and has now been cancelled.

We have been told the hotel won't refund so the booking will be moved to next year but the bridesmaids have now been in touch with another plan closer to home for the second date. Even at the minimum it will costs be upwards of another £100 for this plus this weekend we're still being asked to attend next year which is optional but I get the feeling the bride will not be happy if we don't go and suspect it'll end up being the original plan for activities etc.

I appreciate that this has been so tough for the bride and groom but I am thinking that surely there should be a time that you just pull the pin and stop asking people to spend more and more money?

When is the wedding? If it’s before next year’s weekend then the bride is not BU to want a night out before the wedding - why do you see it as her ‘asking you to spend more money’ as opposed to ‘wanting to celebrate pre wedding with her friends’? You don’t have to go, totally up to you but YABU to begrudge her a hen night, it’s not her fault there’s been a pandemic.

It's not the night out its the expectation to go to the weekend also.

The entire thing will end up costing around £500

If you don’t want to go, just don’t go. I’m sure you won’t be the only person that can’t just conjure up another £100. I’m guessing you must have a decent relationship to the bride to be invited on the hen do, so I’d just be honest and say you can’t afford both. It’s a nice idea to arrange an extra celebration, especially if the bride is disappointed that her original plans have been postponed, but it’s not going to be feasible for everyone to go. I know you say you think the bride won’t be very happy about it but, she might be fine with it? Even if she is a bit miffed it’s not going to suddenly mean you can find the extra money. Personally I think the whole culture of big, expensive hen and stag dos is a bit daft though.

With food/drinks on top for the weekend

I will speak to her and i feel awful the post isn't meant in a nasty way just that it is asking alot of people imo.

Will the original weekend now be taking place after the wedding?

I wouldn't want to go to two events - I think they should pick one or the other. It's rough that the hotel won't refund (has the bride been into this thoroughly) but either she should run with that event, even if the timing isn't ideal, or arrange something else and accept the loss of deposit on the hotel.

£500 for a hen do, in these times especially, is ridiculous. Do not feel bad or guilty, I wouldn't go.

You’ve not answered re: when is the wedding? Unfortunate that the hotel will not refund, could you take your bit of that and use it for a different time/place for you and another friend/family so you’re not having to spend loads on hen activities?

If it were me, I’d try and use this investment in a different way, understand it’s not the brides fault and then try to support her in having some kind of night out before the wedding, encouraging her to do something cheap that people can join in with given you can’t get the hotel money back.

It is after their new date so I do understand the additional night but where it is being planned is going to be fairly expensive.

Maybe I should message one of the bridemaids to see exactly what is planned?

It was shared rooms positive pixie. If it had been single rooms this is probably what I would have done.

Two dates is super cheeky. I think I’d stick to the original plan but decline the new date. I don’t understand how people can ask hen party invitees to spend so much, given the actual wedding is so expensive.

How close are you? I guess depends if you are a best friend or close family

I don't think YABU. I'm a bride to be (not affected by Covid) and would completely understand. I would probably have just arranged a local night out as an alternative rather than a costly one knowing my friends were already losing money. I think I am quite laid back though if the bridezillas I see on the bridal pages I follow are anything to go by

I hate expensive hen do's so I would definitely say YANBU.

Maybe one benefit of Covid will be no more hen do',s in foreign countries/far away cities.

This is ridiculous. I'm getting married in a very low key way in just over a week. I had my hen party in my friends back garden. All my best friends, afternoon tea and copious amounts of alcohol. It was fantastic.

I wouldn’t spend that much on a hen night so would politely decline, if the bride makes a fuss then I’d know I made the right decision. It’s not a summons. I hate the trend of guests being out of pocket by hundreds for the bride/groom wants.

I wouldn’t be going to a group gathering in the middle of a pandemic though so would have declined instantly.

People expect so much when it comes to weddings and hen doos these days. I don't blame you for not wanting to attend another hen doo. But if you don't go to the night out is it likely to cause an issue and make it awkward for you when you go on the weekend away next year?