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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell them to just go without me?

5 replies

prettydownactually · 23/07/2020 22:35

This might get long and I've NC but don't know IABU....

Backstory: group of friends who meet up regularly, go away together each year for the past 15 years but are all at different stages in our lives (this has always been the case).

One of the group had young kids when we started getting together and becoming good friends and she didn't have regular childcare. Another lives further away. We always have made the effort to just organise our get togethers when we can all make it. It has always worked and we have such a good time together. They're true friends.

Now I'm the one with young kids, and currently no childcare. That in itself isn't a problem, but this friend seems to have taken exception to the fact I didn't join in with house parties and nights out (once they were allowed). Even though I've been out to work throughout and she knows this, other people have told me she's said I'm being over cautious and has "mocked" me. I really don't know if this is actually the case, I don't think I've done anything worth taking the piss out of.

Anyway, we're trying to get together as a group and I've given a few dates I'm able to go out. Some of the rest of the group have things already planned so those dates are a no go unfortunately.

My friend has basically said to the others that she's free on the dates I'm not so they can all go ahead. Albeit, without me.

I'm pretty sure IABU not to just say yes, all go ahead and we'll catch up when we can. After all, my childcare issues aren't their problem. But I feel hurt. I made a concerted effort not to do things as a group without her when she had the issues I've got now, as did everyone else.

I don't really know what I'm asking but I do feel like I'm on the cusp of losing something important.

Suppose it's

AIBU to ask that we stick with our long term way of finding a date/time we can all meet together?

OP posts:
prettydownactually · 23/07/2020 22:43

Ok. I AIBU both options there.

YABU - you should tell them it's ok to meet up without you

YANBU - they should meet when you all can as a group

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/07/2020 23:13

Would it matter if they meet up this once without you? You can always go next time - you’re not exiting the group.

7yo7yo · 23/07/2020 23:28

She sounds like a frenemy.
I would make it clear that I’d be upset.

CoRhona · 23/07/2020 23:52

You don't even know if she has said anything!

YABU and massively overthinking this.

prettydownactually · 24/07/2020 00:50

No, it wouldn't matter if they met up without me. It would be the first time we've ever done that....I'm not an insecure person at all but something is telling me this will mark a change

OP posts:
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