Sad I can't give my daughter a garden

[Willowmartha1]

I'm a single mum to gorgeous dd of 8. She is desperate for a garden and lockdown has highlighted the need for one even more. Met a girl from work today she is in the same situation as me a single mum too and has been living in a flat with no garden. She told me today she is moving to a house with a garden! She works less hours then me and is on universal credit whereas I'm on working tax credits and child tax credits, it's made me sad and mad that she can afford this for her daughter and I can't provide the same for my darling daughter.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I never had a garden while my two were growing up, but we made liberal use of the local park. The virus is the villain here, not your friend.

YANBU to want a garden but YABU to begrudge someone else a garden. She might have saved for a long time to be able to afford to move, she might cut back on lots of other things, she might be moving to a ‘worse’ area... loads of reasons she might be able to get a garden.

What has her in receipt of UC got to do with it? I live in a house and get WTC. Everyones circumstances are different and its bad to compare yourself to others because it doesn't do your MH any good. I thought people were worse off on UC anyway?

Maybe you could change to UC? They'd bite your hand off I'm sure.

YANBU to want a garden but YABU to moan about someone else being able to afford one. How many hours she works is irrelevant. I get tax credits and I own my own home with a garden. Until recently I was in a first floor flat.

We have a garden which would be relatively big by London (and presumably other city) standards; 30+ meters long.
Our house is also a two minute walk to the local park, and we always go to the park over the garden. Our grass invariably needs cutting, the garden is quite overlooked, has a big gravel path (the baby will try to eat the stones), and there’s far more dogs and people to stare at (the baby is a starer).

I do like having a garden, but I don’t know how much my one year old really benefits from it.

Maybe look into any ways you could move. Tbh in the winter a gsrden isn't used that much anyway don't get too down about it.

It might be worth doing the "Turn to Us" Benefits checker.

www.turn2us.org.uk/Benefit-guides/Beginner-s-Guide-to-Benefits/Checking-benefit-entitlement

In most cases you are advised to stay on tax credits unless you are forced to move over to UC, but depending on circumstances you can sometimes be better off switching voluntarily.

Be careful tho, once you have moved, you cant move back again, so make sure its right for you before you switch

Or could you afford it in a slightly different location?

I think you are being unreasonable, I remember my sister getting a 2 bed housing association house, she only had one child (my nephew) whilst I was stuck in a top floor flat with 3 kids, I didn’t begrudge her the house just because I was in a flat! I even messaged her to let her know about the house and bid on it on her behalf as she was on holiday. Learn to be happy for others!

Can you give her love; cuddles and security?

She'll be fine.

Don't beat yourself up, enjoy your daughter.

eight year old children are never "desperate" for a garden, this sounds like projecting to me. concentrate on enjoying what you do have, now that lockdown is over parks are an option again. nearly half of all Londoners live in flats, i can't think they're all suffering as a result.

I have 3 dc and none of them go into the garden, it's as much as I can do to get them to come downstairs.

As long as she has got access to outside space like parks etc she will be fine, gardens don't get used much in winter anyways. Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on what you have, and make that special for your daughter. Make your flat cosy, focus on the positives and tell yourself how lucky you are to have a place to call home.

I get it op, I used to feel guilty about my dd not having a garden, I tell you what though none of it matters when they get older. I finally got a garden when my dd was 11.She is now 13 and I have to drag her out into the garden, she never goes out there! As long as you take her to parks etc she will be fine.

She is desperate for a garden

Try to unpack this a bit with her - what would she like to be able to do in a garden? Most activities can be replicated in another way with a bit of imagination.

Play outside (General or a specific game)?
Have friends over?
Grow things?
Feed the birds?
Messy art?
Have a space just to potter about with you or on her own?

Can you get an allotment?