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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be very worried about my dad?

6 replies

MoonshineWashingLine · 23/07/2020 17:04

My dad has for some years been a believer of many, many conspiracy theories. Flat earth, no moon landing, lizard people, loves David Icke, is anti-vax etc etc.

His latest obsession is that covid is fake. He relentlessly posts YouTube videos on Facebook to "prove" his point. I haven't really replied to any of them apart from once (very politely) and then gave up as no one can get through to him. He's even posted openly racist stuff and complaining about black lives matter and dismissing their concerns entirely because he "doesn't see racism where he lives or on the news" so therefore he seems to think it doesn't exist. But I digress...

He's only been to visit us once since lockdown and despite me asking him to bring a chair so he could sit in the garden with us, he didn't bring one so he stood at our gate and we chatted for a bit. He seemed ok but didn't stay long despite dd1 and dd2 having not seen him for ages.

I've had very little contact from him over the last few months and when I've messaged him to see if he wants to come and see us he keeps making excuses not to come. This makes me really sad as dd1 and dd2 are missing everyone and it hurts that he won't make the effort to come and see them.

When I messaged him to ask if he wanted to come round the other day he said "are you still doing the 2 meter anti social thing?" I explained that yes, we were because we have vulnerable family members and a friend who has just undergone chemotherapy and radiotherapy. He got annoyed and suggested that I was putting friends before family. He even suggested that our friend, who has just spent 2 months having cancer treatment and being unable to leave the house, should isolate himself! This shocked and upset me a lot. I politely explained why we would never ask him to do that. I also explained that we are social distancing with everyone apart from my mum and my partners mum because they are in our bubble. He didn't reply to me.

The next day I suggested he came for a walk with us, which he agreed to but because it rained in the morning and we moved it after lunch he said it was too long a journey to come for a short time. He lives about 45 mins away so it's kind of believable but I still feel like he just can't be bothered or doesn't want to come.

He is normally not a confrontational person at all and would do anything to avoid an argument but lately, via Facebook, he's been really nasty to his sister and rude my mum (they have been separated most of my life but normally get on well) and has been very insulting to many people.

It's worth noting that he is type one diabetic and may or may not be using his insulin properly. I also worry about early onset dementia as my grandad had dementia, albeit not until his late 80's. I don't know my dads partner well enough to speak to her about him and my younger brother lives on the other side of the country so he's not seen him either.

I don't really know where to go from here but I'm so worried I'm going to end up losing contact with him completely and my girls won't have a grandad. Sad

OP posts:
MoonshineWashingLine · 23/07/2020 18:35

Bump

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 23/07/2020 18:51

It could be his diabetes isn't being managed that well or the start of dementia.
Dementia changes people's personalities and they can become quite argumentative and stubborn. I hope it's not, but from what you have written it could be something to look into. Does he go to see the nurse about his diabetes? I know appointments are hard to get just now but it's important he is checked up on.
I hope someone else has more advice but suggesting he tries to see his GP might be a start , just to check him over ? Might be worth asking him if he would consider seeing someone as his behavior doesn't sound right.

MoonshineWashingLine · 23/07/2020 19:32

Thanks @The80sweregreat. It's hard to know if he's just fed up with everything covid related as he doesn't believe in it or if he's got genuine medical issues. I guess only time will tell.
I've often suspected that he's not using his insulin properly as he has mentioned trying to wean himself off it before and he doesn't trust Dr's or the pharmaceutical industry, which I kind of understand but if he doesn't take it he will die. Having said that his partner is a trained nurse so I'm hoping she wouldn't let him make himself ill.

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 23/07/2020 20:09

Sorry your going through this but elderly people can be difficult sometimes and with COVID in the mix it's so hard.
I can completely sympathise!
( my dad had dementia for five years and all our elderly parents had different health concerns)
It's so hard as we age.

MoonshineWashingLine · 23/07/2020 21:28

@The80sweregreat he's not really elderly yet, that's the thing. He's only 61. I knew that with his diabetes any health conditions are likely to present themselves earlier than they would normally but nothing really prepares you for it.
Sorry to hear you've gone through similar. It's something I've only experienced with grandparents so far. My grandad only passed away 3 years ago and I think my dad's mental health has deteriorated since then too.

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 24/07/2020 09:12

Moonshine, sorry I thought he was older than 61. I feel his diabetes should be monitored as my friend 's dad is the same with his diabetes and when it spikes he tends to get a bit agitated and hard to deal with. He is in his 80s though!

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