iPad & DP

[PrtScn]

So, for context;
I live with my DP and our DC. The house we live in was mine before we met and I own it outright. DP has a flat that he owns outright which is currently empty (apart from all our crap - we’ve been using it for storage).
Basically I pay all the bills here, all the dogs bills (vets, repeat prescriptions, food etc) and half the childcare costs. He usually pays for all the food shopping and any bills for the flat (which includes a quarterly management fee), and usually picks up things like take away bills etc. Also half the childcare costs.
We have separate finances, he earns more than me. I personally think he has the better end of the deal.

So to bring you to todays AIBU. I bought myself a new iPad pro without asking/telling him and now he is sulking. Was I wrong to do this? He can buy whatever he wants as far as I’m concerned so long as he can afford it. He thinks we should be saving up for another house and not buy things we don’t need (I think we should just buy another house and rent our respective properties out, but again an arguement for another day).

what's it got to do with him what you spend your money on

If he’s in agreement with you having separate finances then no he can’t sulk. If you can afford it then that’s up to you.

If you had joint finances then maybe something so expensive should be discussed, but you don’t.

If he’s happy with you paying most of the bills, he can’t complain if your buy yourself an iPad. Sounds like he’s a little selfish!

You can spend your money on whatever you like. My DP and I have seperate finances and unless it was going to be a 10000 pound purchase which would impact family life then he and I would buy whatever we wanted!

Your money - your choice what to spend it on - and for the amount I use my iPad Pro as a writing device, to type on, and as a second monitor -it's more than been worth the money I paid for it.

Your money, you can buy what you want. It does sound like he’s got the better deal though financially. Less outgoings.

It made me feel a bit guilty about buying it to be honest. I'm just used to buying what I want, without basically having to "ask" or consult with anyone first. We don't have joint finances and this purchase doesn't impact on him in any way, other than now I've a bit less savings!

He’s not your keeper - enjoy your new iPad!

YANBU. Who lives at his flat? He should rent it out and pay half of bills.

And it sounds like he's used to you paying for most things at your house to the extent he sees your money as his and resents you spending it on yourself.

@SharonasCorona

YANBU. Who lives at his flat? He should rent it out and pay half of bills.

And it sounds like he's used to you paying for most things at your house to the extent he sees your money as his and resents you spending it on yourself.

Absolutely agree with this.

Why are you paying most of the bills? Shouldn't you be paying 50/50, especially bearing in mind he's a higher earner than you.
Or is this a case of what's yours is his, and what's his is his too?
Not quite sure what you're getting out of this. Also I'd be questioning the fact someone is happy to sponge off you. Most decent people wouldn't.

He should be paying half the bills

With regards to the bills. We've only been living together less than 2 years, and I'm used to paying for everything myself. The idea was after a year we'd buy somewhere else and then obviously we'd be splitting the bills 50/50 then. We probably do need to have a sit down and discuss finances (I recently paid the B&C myself too actually - I pay that annually). He pays a quarterly management fee, and whatever council tax, water and electricity the flat uses, which I guess would be minimal. My water and electricity costs have obviously gone up but that has kind of been offset by him buying the shopping. So other than childcare related costs I'm not really all that financially worse off than when I was on my own. So I guess I've just left things as they are.

Is he better off for living with you?

@Plumplumbadum

Is he better off for living with you?

Men are always better off cohabiting, surely? I’ll not go off on a rant about unequal distribution of “non paid work” which is predominantly “wife work” and other caring responsibilities though. While we are still expected to work full time.

You need to protect your property in case if divorce. He’s taking the pis.

@AlwaysCheddar

You need to protect your property in case if divorce. He’s taking the pis.

We aren’t actually married. I’m not really keen on the idea either to be honest! I think if we got married and then split I’d still get the bum end of the deal and I’d obviously also have the extra expense of being the dc’s primary carer (he’s a very good hands on dad to be fair).

Don't forget, you also lost your single person discount on the council tax.

He doesn't sound like a keeper to be honest. I'd be wary of buying a house together. At the moment, you could kick him out, but it will be much harder to split if you own a house together.

Your finances are separate, he has no right to tell you that you can't buy what you want.

Never underestimate the entitlement some men feel when it comes to finances.

OP, you’re very wise to be wary of marrying this man.