To find it hard to have sympathy

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Step DB has just been discharged from hospital due to acute pancreatitis. We don’t really speak but my mum is loving the drama (never happier than when someone is in misery and she can take control). She just said on the phone to me ‘he’s really ill you know, he can never drink alcohol again’. She is over dramatic- he was only in 2 nights but I’m finding it hard to care.

My whole family are drinkers. It casts a very dark shadow over my childhood. DF has multiple health issues due to it, DM gets stupid on it and used to run away from home leaving me to go looking for her or she would call me and shout at me for no reason. DB, DM and DF have all been holidaying together often over lockdown. They don’t really like each other but they can all drink together. I am the boring, uptight one who doesn’t get invited to things because I don’t drink (well, I do drink but just on the odd night out like normal people, not every night to get paralytic).

AIBU to not care as much as my mum obviously wants me to? I’m sick of drink and what it causes. I have run out of sympathy.

Interesting 2 to 1 by the looks. I know I should care but I can’t. I don’t know if it’s my mum’s reaction to the situation making it worse as I’ve just had a lot of therapy to help me recognise it.

Thankyou for the votes - it helps as I feel like I should feel like a terrible person but I don’t (before FOG would have had me offering to help and faking concern to appease my mum but I’ve worked past that). The only problem is it makes me look stone cold.

Don't worry about how it may or may not look OP. They all sound toxic and you need to protect your mental health.

Having been around people like that who know they are making themselves ill/get stupid I would struggle to have any sympathy too.
Sounds like you ve had enough of it and should stay away from the toxic crap for your own sake. It's not selfish to care about yourself. Yanbu.
Do you think she s also upset that if he cant drink it stops her fun a bit as in one less drinking buddy? Sorry to be an old cynic.

You can still have sympathy for illesses while also distancing for your own emotional wellbeing.

recklessruby Possibly worried about losing a drinking buddy. DF was very poorly and gave up drinking but despite always moaning about his drinking called him a bore and misery until he started again after a few years. He’s a total alcoholic again now. I was the only one to tell him not to start again.

Sisterwives I know what you mean, but I just can’t.

I was a bit like this when my late sil ended up in hospital in 2011 with severe liver damage through drinking : she worked for the NHS and knew she should give up. She did , for a little while, but like most addicts she went back on it and ended up in all kinds of problems with her health , relationships and finances. She did not heed her own advice and she died five years ago leaving many unanswered questions and what could have been a nice enough life was ruined by alcohol and debts. It's a horrible disease and I just hope your step brother can get back on track and not end up like she did.
She was never one to reach out for any help and just thought she was invincible I think.
Your mum isn't helping anyone here either.

I can understand why you feel like you do and I hope he'll be ok but alcoholics have to strong to give their addictions and not everyone makes it unfortunately. It is very sad.

I think your feelings are very natural, and probably self-protective. It isn't helpful to anyone to get drawn into that kind of drama.

But I think you can feel that way and also, as an adult, recognise that people dealing with those kinds of addictions and health problems and mental health issues really is a trial. You can be both detached and empathetic - that's the only way in my experience to deal with that kind of situation.