Non monogamy- is this a thing?

[GrannyBags]

Just had an phone call with my cousin. Very upset as her daughter has announced that she and her boyfriend are in a non monogamous relationship and that her girlfriend will be moving in with them. Is this the same as a ‘thruple’? Cousin very upset as she was envisioning weddings and babies etc. Does anyone have any experience of this type of relationship? I’d never heard of it but I know there are younger and wiser people here.

There can still be weddings and babies, but equally she may not want that whether monogamous or not. I know someone in a relationship like this and they seem really happy, three of them have lived together now for 15 years.

Really she needs to accept it is up to her daughter how she lives.

I think it was shock more than anything as the couple have been together a while and when her daughter said she had something important she just jumped to conclusions. How do your friends manage things socially? Do they go to places together or as pairs? We have had a lot of family weddings recently and I was wondering if the three would be invited or how that works?

It's called a polyamorous relationship. And if the partners are grown up and agree on terms it can function great. Keeping the balance is real work almost all the time, but it can be worth it.
It really isn't that different from any other relationship.
Yes, they should be treated as a unit and all 3 of them should be invited. And then they decide who goes - it always depends on who knows who in these situations.
Throwing a baby into the mix - no experience with that, but i can see it working or going horribly wrong. :)

It depends on the situation regarding your question about socialising. Family occasions they go as a three, we invite all of them when we go out in groups. Sometimes we socialise seperately with them too, for example I go to pilates with the third person as my original friend doesn't like it.

I know the third persons family had concerns at first because she was going into a relationship with a long established couple and they were worried about the whole two's company. I also expect it was a surprise to find out their daughter liked girls too as she had never come out. They are fine now as their daughter is happy.

It is a bit more complicated now they are discussing children. Just the logistics of who wants to get pregnant and how they will manage it, but they are discussing it.

It is sometimes a bit strange when you are used to monogamy but I am bisexual and I can see that for them it works. They have always agreed not to take sides when someone falls out with someone else and they celebrate the anniversary of them all getting together rather than individual ones.

The funniest bit was them trying to find a big enough bed for three people and the reactions of the people in the furniture shop.

Yes it’s a thing. I know a married couple with a toddler and each has another partner that they call their boyfriend/girlfriend. The other partners don’t live with them. It doesn’t appeal to me personally but I really can’t get worked up about other people doing it if everyone’s happy. People who take polyamory seriously take a lot of time to talk it through and work out rules and boundaries. Even if your cousins daughter was monogamous it doesn’t mean she’d want marriage and babies.

Each to their own I suppose. I don't know how people can do it, wouldn't be for me.

Is it a common thing? The daughter is early 20’s , boyfriend a couple of years older. I don’t know the girlfriend, although it sounds as if she is a similar age. My cousin struggles a bit with the wider family - there are a lot of children around the same age and all the others are highly successful, having huge weddings and producing bundles of grandchildren etc. Her two have tattoos and dyed hair and haven’t quite worked out what they want to do in life yet. Need I add that they are both lovely young people? Some members of the family can be very disapproving - I’m another black sheep as I’m on my second husband and work for the Church instead of having a proper job. That’s why my cousin spoke to me and I’d love to reassure her.

I have several friends in similar relationships, and they seem as happy as the ones who are monogamous. Some gave kids, some don't. My outside perspective us that it seems to take quite a lot more effort in terms of communication to make things work, but the upside of that is that you get a relationship where everyone regularly puts effort into communication.

I know a lot of polyamorous relationships, they are all very happy

I wouldn't call it common, but it is more common in certain circles and plenty of polyamorous people have children and all that (and, as a previous poster said, many monogamous people do not).

I can see why it would be a surprise, and it comes with its own challenges, but she shouldn't worry any more than she did before learning about it.

I think non monogamy is become more common. Polyamory is less common but obviously harder to keep private if desired.