To insist DM uses her car?

[TreacherousPissFlap]

DM was supposed to be coming on holiday with us at the end of August, this has been recently cancelled. The logical thing to do is have her come to stay with us for the week, but this will necessitate a 250 mile journey.

She always travels by train to us which involves a transfer by tube across London. She has a car but does not normally drive far and is not an overly confident driver.

She will say the train will be fine. I'm sure the train will be fine but it seems such an unnecessary risk when she has another option.

A friend suggested she stay overnight part way through in order to break the journey for her, I think this sounds like a good idea but suspect it will be poo-pooed.

She is fully out and about at home and I've had to explain to DS (who is worried about this) that this is her choice, and probably better for her MH after weeks cooped up in the house. I don't agree with her choice but acknowledge it is her choice to make. I feel that insisting she drive goes against this sentiment however.

So, AIBU to insist she comes by car?

Yabu
It's her choice if she wants to come on the train

Would it be riskier to have an unconfident driver who stays within her comfort zone do 250 miles when she really doesn't feel capable?

Erm yes why would you feel able to dictate someone else's choices? Obviously once she's there she shouldn't expect ferrying about by you, but it's her choice to make as a grown woman,

A 250 mile drive which involves driving into London for someone who is not a confident driver is ridiculous.

There is three options here,
Your Mum takes the train.
She stays home.
You drive to her home and collect her and drive her home at the end of her visit.

How would you feel if you ‘insist’ she drives and she has an accident.

There ARE three options

I think it will be a bigger risk for her to drive if she is not confident and I would not insist on it. It is her choice to make and may put her off coming if you start trying to control how she gets to you. I know my DM is not confident to drive beyond her local area and would rather not go somewhere than be forced to drive.

I am sure the tube and train will be fine. She could maybe get a taxi instead of a tube if she wanted? Face mask and hand sanitiser and she will be fine on the train.

@VettiyaIruken

Would it be riskier to have an unconfident driver who stays within her comfort zone do 250 miles when she really doesn't feel capable?

This is exactly my thinking, and why I'm seeking opinions on whether I am being unreasonable (as I suspect)

if it helps, Mil just arrived having done train journey. She was really positive, had to book seat and said there was plenty of space to allow social distancing.so positive experience

Better she chose the option she feels happy with... For the safety of ALL road users!

I’m probably your mums age (60) and have driven for 40 years without anything more than a minor bump when I reversed into a post.
However I have noticed over the last couple of years I have got a lot more nervous of driving. There’s so much more traffic in the road and everyone is driving so fast and close even when I am driving at the speed limit.
So when I visit DD who only lives 90 miles away I go on the train, it’s just much more relaxing.

I’m confused, if you suspect you’re being unreasonable, then why insist ??

She will be safer on the train.

I haven't yet dilly, I was just gathering opinions

If she's not a confident driver then no way should she do a 250 mile journey. Especially when she's likely been driving even less than usual in lockdown.

You'd be very unreasonable to insist she does something she doesn't feel confident in doing.

The tubes are quite empty in the middle of the day. Her risk of harm is definitely higher driving, particularly if she isn’t confident driving.

You're absolutely right. She doesn't normally drive far and she's not a confident driver. Why would you put her through an anxiety inducing 250 mile drive risking her own safety and that of other drivers, when there's a perfectly viable alternative?

When you're a lone driver, journeys that as part of a couple seem perfectly fine, can become much more stressful. When I wasfirst widowed, driving anywhere out of my comfort zone became more of an issue. I'm still absolutely dependent on a satnav. And I'm a much more confident driver than your DM seems to be.

Quite apart from the fact that she's a grown up who can make her own choices in life.

What are you worried about?

My MIL took the train from Liverpool to London last week to visit her sister and said she was the only one in the carriage on both journeys