Sad about relationship with my sisters

[Henn42]

I feel really down about the lack of relationship I have with my sisters. I have always felt it was my duty as the youngest sister to help out with childcare and visit them to help out with the kids etc. I feel angry that I sacrificed so much of my time during my youth listening to their problems and helping them whenever they called me.

I know how blunt AIBU is and I can predict responses will be “well you chose to help them, no one out a gun to your head!”. I just feel sad that when I need them they have zero time for me. I feel lonely with my young kids as I have no energy to do anything and over lockdown I’ve felt even more alone. I wish I could turn time back and focused my energy and time on friends rather than these people who act like we’re no longer family as they have no need for me

No, YANBU. They should be there for you too.
Have you told them this?

I’m feeling worse today as I phoned my mum to catch up and she was telling me my other sister has BIL family over. I wish she hadn’t told me. Every time I look on Facebook she is entertaining people etc. But no time for me. I also think I’m maybe over analysing as I’m feeling so depressed.

I have spoken to them but nothing really changes.

I was very much present for my older sisters when they had babies. By the time I had mine, theirs were much older...early teens. I was left to it.

I've hardened to it all now mine are older. I think they were insensitive and neglectful of me.

There's not much you can do OP. It's blind of them...people are often self centered.

I’m just thinking maybe I should just cut all contact from them and just focus on my life and getting out of this depression I’ve been in for past few years. I need to make friends in this area (moved here 5 years ago). I started getting friendly with few nursery mums before lockdown but I never met up with them as I just feel so down about myself.

@FortunesFave - that’s exactly my situation! My mum keeps making excuses that the teenagers are hard work so sisters have no time for me. How did you cope?

To add, one of my sisters visited my house twice in about 8 years, the other....she came more, but not many and when I decided to emigrate, she cut me off.

I emigrated with DH and our girls because I felt that his family in Oz would be more of an active, extended family for my kids. And I was right.

We have family meals together and more visits. They're more supportive generally.

I still get upset about it though.

I have teens now. If anything they're much easier than small children because you can leave them alone for a while...and they have a social life of their own.

Don't cut contact. Things may change again in years to come.

My Mum is very close to one sister of hers but they weren't that close when they were younger. People change.

@FortunesFave it’s natural to be upset. I think it’s because we have an idea in our heads what it will be like for “our time around” but it’s never like that! I’m glad your in-laws are supportive.

My kids don’t even know who one of my sisters is as she only came around for their 1st birthday party and we’ve never seen her again. My kids have never even been to her home. When we I try to organise something it’s always “I’ll let you know” or “I’ll get back to you”.

@Henn42
I am sad about my relationship with my sister's too. I feel I must be a horrible person that they think so little of me.

It's disappointing but I think that you need to concentrate on getting through, or managing your depression. If you felt better, you wouldn't need them.

Are you sure that the Sister who doesn't visit hasn't got any issues going on with her teen? Perhaps your Mum doesn't want to burden you with them. One of mine had a bad time with bullying and them a loss of self worth. It's difficult to deal with, much more so than young children. Or they might be suffering, worrying about school etc during lock down.

I think tje focusing on the hrlp that you gave them is your depression. You do focus on the past, but what we imagine happening instead is always the best case scenario, when things might not have been anymore interesting/exciting.

Can't you talk to your Mum more? Not about your Sisters, but just about things, in general? Do you still have a partner? Can they be of more help?

@TheNortherner, just because you are related doesn't mean that you would choose each other as friends. Thay isn't a fault of either side, you can just be different personalities.

I’m sorry about your situation. It is a reminder to me to make a big conscious effort with my brothers who are younger (no kids) and are great with helping out and babysitting. My parents help me with childcare, but will probably be too old when it comes to my brothers’ kids.

Perhaps you can mention to your sister if she’d like to come over to yours and catch up as you haven’t seen her in a while?

Thank you everyone. I think what gets me more is I constantly see updates in SM them on nights out (before lockdown) with friends and they visit each other. I feel especially sad that I would visit the elder one every weekend I could when I was in uni as she was lonely as she had young ones and husband was away a lot. I would spend what little money I had on train tickets. I could have spent my weekends doing fun stuff but I didn’t as I felt sorry for her. I clearly remember her saying to me that I’m the only one who comes to see her and kids. When other 2 got married and had kids she got closer to them. It’s upsetting when they all make plans and don’t include me. There’s no point talking to the eldest one as she’s quite selfish generally.

We grew up quite isolated as mum was very strict so I had no experience of socially interacting with others expect my sisters so I feel I really need them. My depression is because I’m lonely

I wouldn't cut contact but I'd try not to be hurt that they never invite me for anything etc. Continue to invite them to things but if they say no don't push it or mention it again.

Or: tell them they're selfish fuckers and to shape up or ship out?