Should I forgive my DSis?

[MrsRenard]

I’ve spent the last 3 years caring for my Dad until he died in March. I did it with a willing heart but I nearly went under. I have 4 DC and I was working full-time but had to quit. My DSis has no children, works part-time but had only been married 1 year. Not only did she not help - which I could accept because although from the outside it looked like she was being selfish - tennis lessons and gym were often why she couldn’t help out - she actively made things more difficult for me. After actively ignoring me and being really nasty to me, now that Dad has died she is playing nice. I am finding it hard to forgive her. It feels wrong to just turn my back on her but on the other hand she not only took a back seat whilst I stepped up, she threw stones at me and made it harder. Forgive and forget?? or just move on without her?

That sounds so hard. I'm sorry. I would feel extremely angry and let down in those circumstances too.

Have you told her how you feel?

I fell out with my sister whilst my Dad was unwell and after he died. This was 2016. I chose not to forgive her and I haven't spoken to her since. Except for when she sent me a Facebook message when my DH died 2 years later I think I replied thank you or something.

Personally I couldn’t forgive her. The selfishness is bad enough but making life harder for you? Nah she’s clearly shown you who she is. As the old saying goes, believe her!

So sorry that you've been through such a traumatic experience. I admit I'd find that hard to forgive. I think if it were me, I'd just ghost your sister. Someone who can behave like that to family members isn't a person who will have a revelation & change. She's not going to see how she's hurt you & apologize. She'll be the type to rewrite history & find ways to make it your fault. Distance yourself & focus on your own happiness. You don't owe her anything.

Personally, I don’t think I could forgive her.

After such a hard few years, focus on the things that make you happy.

I don't think you have to pro-actively do anything about her. Apart from a bit of ignoring. Don't let her continue to take up your headspace.
I'm sorry for your loss x

I’ve got to admit that my gut instinct is that I can’t forgive her. It feels like she only wants to play nice now because it won’t cost her anything.
But ... I know my dad would have wanted us to be close. Family meant something to him.

I honestly think that some siblings are just people who you can't have in your life happily. And it's ok to not forgive her or let it go - what she did was awful.

I'm NC with one of my sisters. Many reasons, many years of hurt, but the peace it brings is worth any possible discomfort when others hear about it.

@MrsRenard

I’ve got to admit that my gut instinct is that I can’t forgive her. It feels like she only wants to play nice now because it won’t cost her anything. But ... I know my dad would have wanted us to be close. Family meant something to him.

It meant something to you too. It's not you that's let that go! Give yourself an easier time. He also wouldn't want you walked over and made to feel bad. Xx

I don't think I could forgive this, especially as you had to give up your job whilst she carried on without helping at all.