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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To trust my instinct?

6 replies

BKCRMP · 22/07/2020 19:09

Two DC under the age of 6. Haven't seen their father in 3yrs7months. Strict court orders prohibiting both direct and indirect contact. Prohibited steps orders. Penal notices attached. That probably speaks for the background.

When we split his entire family cut me and DC off who blamed me for everything. November last year the nan (his mum) wrote to me as an olive branch. Life is hectic and I forgot to reply.

April time she tried again and this time I did reply. Shared some pictures, chatted about how amazing the kids are. She broached the idea of meeting up. I despise her but I was actually ok with meeting up first just me and her and then to introduce the kids (me present at all times). I live by acting in their best interests over letting my emotions rule. When I said I was happy with the suggestion of meeting (we were planning for post lockdown) she then started hinting at her taking them without me. I explained DD has complex additional needs and that I absolutely can't just hand her over regardless. She pushed some more, I reiterated I would like to be there to build the relationships and taking them without me is a long term goal to work towards.

She told me to forget it and has cut us off again. I want to do best by the kids but now I feel I have ruined their chance to know more of their family. My sixth sense is telling me she wanted the kids to take them to their father. There's no way she could keep DD safe without getting to know her first.

Have I made a mistake?

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 22/07/2020 19:15

You have absolutely not made a mistake and the fact that she's now cut contact proves that she doesn't have your DC best interests at heart.

Giggorata · 22/07/2020 19:15

Don't think so.
If she sincerely wanted the best for them, she would be guided by you, who know their needs.
If she sincerely wanted a relationship, she wouldn’t flounce off if everything wasn’t on her terms.
Your sixth sense sounds in good working order.
Dodged a bullet, I suspect.

cakeandchampagne · 22/07/2020 19:16

She intended to take them to their father.

titnomatani · 22/07/2020 19:20

Do not doubt yourself. You are absolutely right in not letting her dictate the terms of communication re: your children. Also, imagine the confusion, hurt and upset from your children if they met up with a relative stranger and were left to go off on their own with her. Stick to your guns and don't let the grandmother guilt trip you, etc.

BKCRMP · 22/07/2020 19:25

Thank you. Nearly 4 years and I still feel like they make me lose my marbles

OP posts:
Inkanta · 22/07/2020 20:49

He motives seem a bit off to me. Your kids don't need these people. They only need you. You're doing a great job!

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