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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your experiences with support throughout and following grief

30 replies

finallyfree2019 · 22/07/2020 18:29

Just that really ?
Did your friends and family support
You and stick around even when you were at your lowest ebb and you were not particularly available or interested in company or support?
Did some disappear ?
Thank you.

OP posts:
devuskums · 24/07/2020 00:27

Maybe you should give yourself a break and not see people for a while. You could give yourself a 'person holiday' and not look on social media or messages for a week or 2. Honestly, don't judge yourself, just get by for a bit. Being kind to yourself is cringey but it does help in the end.

EL8888 · 24/07/2020 00:45

Highly variable. My experience is the people you expect quite a bit from then you often get little. It’s often the random acquaintances texting you, ringing you, inviting you places to distract you / cheer you up. Others have found the same.

My then fiancé about 2-3 weeks after my dad died appeared to get a bit bored by my grief. He was keen to ask when l would “get over it”. Acting like l had a cold or the flu or something. Stupidly l married him, a major red flag that l accidentally over looked as l was blind sided by my dad dying

finallyfree2019 · 24/07/2020 11:47

Thank you.

OP posts:
zingally · 24/07/2020 12:21

When my dad died unexpectedly 3 years ago, I was surprised by those who reached out and offered support, and those who didn't.

For instance, one cousin, who I'd always felt quite close to never said a word, at any point. Yet the wife of another cousin, neither of which I was close to, bent over backwards to offer support, and checked in with me often in the months that followed. I hadn't had much time for her previously, but she grew hugely in my estimation after that.

I think grief is a very personal thing, in that everyone experiences it differently. But I learnt that every thought, feeling and emotion is completely normal.

When dad died I went through a couple of months of very intrusive thoughts (mentally replaying what mum said to me on the phone when she called to say he'd died in the night). It took confiding in an older and wiser friend to tell me that of course intrusive thoughts were normal. It was my brain's attempt at processing the trauma. And from then on, once I realised that, the thoughts almost completely went away.

Dad has been gone almost 3 years (2 years 10 months), but I'd say that it was only in the last few weeks really, that I've stopped thinking of him every day, multiple times a day.

Grief is a long process, and it isn't a straight line through it.

And you don't believe it when you're right in the midst of it, but time really is the very best of healers. And it does get better.

Sending you love if you need it OP.

finallyfree2019 · 24/07/2020 13:11

Thanks. That's very reassuring .

OP posts:
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