Helping my 70 year old mum escape dad

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Hope it's ok to post here. My mum is turning 70 and has been living for years in misery with her controlling and abusive husband (dad). I am absolutely desperate to help her leave after seeing her be ground down and miserable for so many years, it is heartbreaking. She has always been resistant as says she can't afford to leave. He has constantly over the years got them in repeated debt, lost their home and so on. They have nothing. At last I think mum is ready to actually leave due to his awful behaviour over lockdown but she says she just cant afford to. I'm so muddled and confused by the calculators and just can't see if she would be entitled to any benefits. She has no money to her name at all and they live in rented accomodation. I wish I could support her but been made redundant due to covid and struggling to make ends meet. Please can someone help me with what the process would be? She claims £142 a week state pension, that's it. No savings. She is 70. Local authority is Devon. Could she be housed? What is she entitled to? What is the process? Please any guidance much appreciated as I just can't figure it out online. Thanks in advance.

You could contact women aid or local domestic violence charity. They should be able to help.

She'll probably be entitled to pension credit. Check entitledto.co.uk
She will be entitled to housing benefit when she finds somewhere to rent
Call the local council housing options team and make it clear that there is no space for her at your house (if that is the case of course)

Thank you. So what would the next steps be? How does she find some where to rent with no money? Sadly she can't move in with me as I'm in a house share.

Check her entitlement to benefits, if she's entitled to Pension Credit, there is a possibility that it could be backdated for a few months. That could help with a private rent deposit or some furniture if necessary.

You need to know what her options are regarding housing, will the council house her? How long is the waiting list? Can she access temporary accommodation? You'll need to contact the council to find that out. You'll need to fully explain the abuse she's suffering. Can she get a doctor's letter to explain the stress it is causing and the impact on her mental health?

Thank you very much! I will call some DV charities and the council tomorrow. So happy she is at last open to moving as for years I've been trying to support her to leave

How sad, sorry this is happening to you and your mum. Contact the CAB, by phone if they’re not open. They will have all the up to date advice re housing and benefits. Some councils have special accommodation for the over 60’s, she may be able to access one of these.

What about renting together? I second the posts advising calls to housing/DV organisations

Best of luck to your mum, she's so brave to take this big step. Hopefully she can get the freedom and peaceful life she deserves. She's lucky to have such a supportive daughter looking out for her.

Take it a step at a time, try not to feel overwhelmed. Each phone call you make is a step closer towards freedom for your mum.

Your mum will probably need to be with you when you call the council by the way, they will need her to give consent to speak to you on her behalf.

Look into over 55s/retirement social housing. Some are direct apply, others she'll have to go through the council list. At her age she'd be far better off in social housing. Private renting is incredibly insecure and it's also not always easy to access on benefits. Contact Age UK as well as her local domestic abuse service. Also possibly social services to see what support if any they offer for vulnerable elderly.

Is her current home private or social rented? If social, she could look into an occupation order to have her husband removed if she wants to stay there. I'm not sure if it's possible with private rented but it's not worth it anyway if she can't afford the private rent on her own. Another option if it's social housing is a transfer.

Do you live close? Could you rent together?

Thanks so much! I would love to rent with her but just not possible - we were supposed to be buying a house, then I just got made redundant and everything has gone wrong since then. We were on a rolling contract due to buying but landlord decided to sell so I've ended up in a house share and kids and partner are in a 1 bed bungalow with his parents, there literally isn't room for us all and the dog so hence I'm in the house share with the dog. But we should be moving soon (into rented as can't buy now)! Over the years I have begged to just put a deposit on a flat and even offered to pay rent whilst she got settled but she has always refused. Anyway, all the advice is great, I will get on the phone first thing tomorrow. Thanks again!

Also, we leave a long distance apart but I visit very regularly.

Would your in-laws put her up for a bit when you move into your rental?

I might be wrong but at her age and with no assets if she is fleeing DV I'm sure the council have an obligation to house her.

She will be entitled to housing and universal credit/housing benefit to pay her housing costs.
Contact the national domestic violence helpline, they move incredibly quickly sorting out all legal issues alongside escape.

They'd organise everything for her too all she'd need to do Ieave.
Please keep us updated. Good luck to her, she's so brave!

The local council will house her, possibly not wonderfully, but they have a duty of care to do so. What about an Alms house?

There are thousands of people not claiming pensions credit who are entitled to and people getting that also get follow on benefits so it is an important credit to claim.

I really hope she can get out soon and that he doesn't get wind of her plans and turn physically abusive.

Also make sure she is claiming full pension she can and not just getting the 'married woman's' element.